St_Kurt

The real problem is described in post #1. That's the best the I can do.

I suspect that the issue really is that I belong more in Al-Anon than I do in AA. And that's cool. And if I'm wrong. Then I know what to do.

Thanks for your help folks. Carry on.

~SK

GreenTea

Kurt: Something you might be interested in is the sticky entitled "Excerpts Under The Influence". Its got some good information in it.

Don't forget the progressive nature of the disease. Early-stage alcoholics can be nearly indistinguishable from non-alcoholics, yet the disease is still there laying in wait and fostering denial.

You've mentioned increase in tolerance. You've also mentioned a "dark period" lasting a few months last year. Both of these sound like warning flags.

I'm not trying to say you are an alcoholic, nor am I trying to say that MY experiences are guaranteed to be YOUR future expectations. I DO wish I would have quit drinking many years ago, but back then I wasn't ready and my denial was very strong. Finally, things got so bad that even *I* couldn't ignore it. The progressive aspect of this disease is deadly serious.

For a long time I could walk away after just one or two. Then after many years, I could still successfully walk away after only a couple, but it was increasingly rare. One day I noticed that I never did stop after only a couple. It hit the point where I would plan things out so that I could maximize my drinking -- PLAN to get bombed whenever I "decided" to drink, (which was pretty much whnever I had any free time). Then after more time, I wouldn't even bother planning -- all I cared about was my next drink. Something was very wrong but I DID NOT CARE.

Tolerance changes are an indicator of the progressive nature of alcoholism.

Merely being able to "walk away" after only two doesn't "prove" anything. What's more telling is how difficult it is to do so. Its one of the aspects of craving. "Well, yeah, but let's have just one more before we go". I've literally gotten a beer at the bar, then walked back to the end of the line and finished it by the time I got up to the bar again, all because I didn't want to wait between beers.

Drinking to blackout conditions is another telling example. Non-alcoholics simply can not drink to a blackout without becoming very ill physically. You didn't mention blackouts, but its something to think about.

I very much hear you on "The Strawberry Effect". Again, only you can determine whether or not you are an alcoholic, (until the progressive nature makes it obvious to everyone but yourself).

Its good that you're thinking about it.

Think about it some more, and read the sticky I mentioned. If recovery isn't right for you, then God bless you and you're still welcome here at SR as far as I'm concerned.

BP44

Interesting thread. I don't think I've ever met anyone who comes to AA for the service work alone. I mean honestly, there are all types of opportunities to volunteer and do service work. So, the real question is how did you come to AA and what did your first step look like? Who knows, you may not be powerless over alcohol and your life may not be unmanageable. Here's the thing, if you are an alcoholic and continue to drink, more will be revealed, that you can count on. I'm just a little baffled though, why go through all of this if you aren't an alcoholic? I mean let's face it took a lot of us forever to get a sponsor and work with them. I know for myself that I had to be completely out of answers before I became willing. I don't know...I know there are people who will share that they drank and came to meetings for a long time before they got sober. Now that is something I can't relate to. When I'm out there....I'm out there. The last thing I want to be reminded of when I'm drinking is AA. But then again, I'm an alcoholic. Last thing I'll leave you with is this....we had a guy that was coming to our group over the past couple of months. He's been trying to get clean & sober for some time. Well, he took off without warning a week and a half ago, and they found him dead yesterday morning of a drug overdose. For some of us this is our last chance to get the message. A healthy reminder that I had best keep my butt in the chair, cause I might not get it back.

St_Kurt

Hello! I am practically the "guru" the disease concept of Alcoholism at my local club due to a lead I did a few months back and much of my talk is based around this book. I did the initial research about the physiology myself, but after people pronounced my first draft "too medical", I purchased both "Under the Influence" and "Beyond the Influence" to read for another perspective. I was happy to find that my research and the book's matched very well (used many of the same source articles). Plus it was a lot easier to read than what I wrote!

I rewrote my lead with both the Big Book and those two books as a framework. That way I could recommend further reading for those wanting to know more than I could give in an hour. (The lead takes a whole meeting because I request that people interrupt to ask questions and share during it rather than afterwards.)

It's been my privilege to have given the lead now at several beginners meetings and the local rehab facilities and it's what I learned from this lead that has kept me around. Some of those patterns I do fit and I recognise that. I have never had a blackout, but the part about the "performance upgrade" while drinking in was something that I did see before it went away. Drinking became much less interesting when that happened though.

Thanks
~SK