How do you surrender??
sicker than others
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Wherever I go there I am..Pacific NW
Posts: 58
How do you surrender??
Hi there.. as I posted b4 I have been coming continueosly to AA for 3 years and continously slipping... I follow diresctions but I cant seem to get it? Eveyone says.. you have to really surrender? HOW! I am have taken 3rd step ssoo many times... And very morning ... I want to quit... Please help. 2 days
. I have no experience with doing the steps... but many people on here do. I'm sure someone will give you some suggestions soon.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: MA.
Posts: 1,719
Hello anewday2day,
When I felt like I just couldn't take anymore pain when drinking,
My drinking took me to places I would never visit,
My drinking took me to a lonely existence,
I wanted to truly surrender because I wanted to live...
You are not alone...I for one have stumbled several times, but I keep coming
back. I keep trying.
You can do this....Keep trying! We are here for you.
When I felt like I just couldn't take anymore pain when drinking,
My drinking took me to places I would never visit,
My drinking took me to a lonely existence,
I wanted to truly surrender because I wanted to live...
You are not alone...I for one have stumbled several times, but I keep coming
back. I keep trying.
You can do this....Keep trying! We are here for you.
sicker than others
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Wherever I go there I am..Pacific NW
Posts: 58
one day at a time??
Ok I hear ya.. i have to wnt sobriety more than I want to drink.. It is an easy concept however when I get all spun out 9sober) feel antsy and there is a beer right in front of me how do I not take it... I like being sober most of the time but there are times when i feel CRAZY (restless irrirtable and discontent) when I am sober... and the there is the social aspect of it. our society is so saturated with boos. I know not everyone drinks heavily but it seems to me everyone who I know who is not in AA does! I feel like such an outcast. I often feel like I dont fit in in AA either! Anyways just venting... wish I could get a hnadle on the one day at a time thing too.. ahhh this is so hard... Anyone else struggling>?????
Don't get undies in a bunch
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: South Shore MA
Posts: 7,120
I only know of two way it is done.
Change things that trigger a desire to drink or drink so much (and hope you don't die along the way) that you hope you reach that point of saying...I am sick and tired of this and ..surrender.
Surrender is not giving up... it is letting go and accepting a better way.
What triggers you to want that first beer?
Being around those who drink?
Hanging out at places they sell beers?
I can say no to a first time a beer is offered. I could say no to the second time.
A third time became a problem...so i needed stop putting myself in a situation where it was offered a third time. I have a few years behind me now and have reached a point that I can go anyplace I want and not have a problem...as long as I don't drink that first beer.
You may need change a few things till such a time that you find you can deal with things a little easier. It can be done. You can do it.
Change things that trigger a desire to drink or drink so much (and hope you don't die along the way) that you hope you reach that point of saying...I am sick and tired of this and ..surrender.
Surrender is not giving up... it is letting go and accepting a better way.
What triggers you to want that first beer?
Being around those who drink?
Hanging out at places they sell beers?
I can say no to a first time a beer is offered. I could say no to the second time.
A third time became a problem...so i needed stop putting myself in a situation where it was offered a third time. I have a few years behind me now and have reached a point that I can go anyplace I want and not have a problem...as long as I don't drink that first beer.
You may need change a few things till such a time that you find you can deal with things a little easier. It can be done. You can do it.
Life is Grand
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Michigan
Posts: 2,041
If there is a beer right in front of you, you are in the wrong place. Part of surrendering is giving up "wet" friends...not all of them, but the ones who are using in front of you, they need some distance (at least while drinking). For me to completely surrender and get better, ment giving up that entire lifestyle. That ment that I had to give up some people and places too.
You would be surprised how many of "us" are out there, people in recovery...and believe me, we know how to have a good time sober. It is hard at first, I couldn't believe that I could have fun without drinking.....now it seems I can't believe I ever had fun drunk!!! I have never woke up with a headache from NOT drinking, and I remember the party!!!
SRH
You would be surprised how many of "us" are out there, people in recovery...and believe me, we know how to have a good time sober. It is hard at first, I couldn't believe that I could have fun without drinking.....now it seems I can't believe I ever had fun drunk!!! I have never woke up with a headache from NOT drinking, and I remember the party!!!
SRH
Om, Aum, Ohm...
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Punxsutawney/Pittsburgh
Posts: 4,797
when I get all spun out 9sober) feel antsy and there is a beer right in front of me how do I not take it...
Saying goodbye to your drinking buddies is hard for most people. If they're really your friends, they'll be willing to do things with you that don't involve drinking. If they're not, you probably need to find some other friends whose lives don't revolve around booze. I'm 4 1/2 years sober, and there are truly only a couple of people in my life who've been there for longer than that. Yes, it was hard to cut those ties, but my life depended on it. My children's happiness depended on it. Perhaps the lives of other people -- passengers in my car or the one I may have eventually wiped out on the highway or my kids when I passed out yet again with a lit cigarette in my bed -- depended on it. Seasons change, roses die. People come and go. Who we allow into our lives is up to us. And this another example of quality of friendship being much more valuable than quantity of friendship. Besides, if you've embraced the second step, you know you're never really alone. Clearing toxic people out of our lives makes space for others. And, if you're in AA, you're never really away from the drunks. The drunks are just sober now...or (hopefully) headed in that direction.
Anyone else struggling? you ask. Yeah, I'm struggling with some things. Not the drink. Still peeling the layers of the onion, and this sucker seems to have no core...seems, at least. I know it's there.
You're not alone, anewday. Lots struggle, lots overcome. Maybe we can remind each other "we have stopped fighting anybody or anything" ... ? "Extreme examples of self-will run riot" -- perhaps if we (yes, both of us) acknowledge that, maybe we can find that next level of surrender.
((anewday2day))
Hang in there.
Peace & Love,
Sugah
Looking For Myself...Sober
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Where the heart is
Posts: 10,209
I am not a drinker but my father has 19 years sober.
He told me he finally had enough when he was locked for millionth time.
He said he just looked around at the same old faces that had been there time and time before. He then relized for him that he had to change. He finally relized that he didnt want to be one of those people in an endless cycle.
And I do believe also the will to not want to use as opposed to wanting has to be greater. You dont have to hit bottom to feel that way. It's all up to you as to how much you are willing to take before you want to be sober bad enough.
I wish you luck. There is alot of support here. So keep checking in. You will find your way. Sometimes it's not always the obvious.
He told me he finally had enough when he was locked for millionth time.
He said he just looked around at the same old faces that had been there time and time before. He then relized for him that he had to change. He finally relized that he didnt want to be one of those people in an endless cycle.
And I do believe also the will to not want to use as opposed to wanting has to be greater. You dont have to hit bottom to feel that way. It's all up to you as to how much you are willing to take before you want to be sober bad enough.
I wish you luck. There is alot of support here. So keep checking in. You will find your way. Sometimes it's not always the obvious.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: anomaly
Posts: 2,180
As in war, when you surrender, you stop fighting. I do understand
becuase in early recovery i tried to stop, but kept relapsing
over and over again. And the folks at AA told me to keep
coming back, don't leave 5 mins before the miracle happens.
I didn't really had a problem with step#1...most of us knew already.
I had one those Ahha moments oneday. The words "restored to
sanity" jump out at me. My experince had shown me that i've
must have been insane to keep doing the samething over and
over again and expected a different result.
How did i came to belive ?
I basically got my ass kicked by alcohol and my experince shown
that i couldn't stopped even if i wanted to. So no amount of my will
power could over come alcohol. i didn't lack willpower, as a
matter of fact, I had plenty of selfwill, run riot.
Step#3....
Being sick and tired of being sick and tire.
F..it, I took a leap of faith.
I was sick and tired of being sick and tired...you know what i mean
No more brain storming if there is a god, religion, lack of religion..ect.
No more about if i fit in or not or whatever the hell everybody else is doing.
F..it, i surrendered.
becuase in early recovery i tried to stop, but kept relapsing
over and over again. And the folks at AA told me to keep
coming back, don't leave 5 mins before the miracle happens.
I didn't really had a problem with step#1...most of us knew already.
I had one those Ahha moments oneday. The words "restored to
sanity" jump out at me. My experince had shown me that i've
must have been insane to keep doing the samething over and
over again and expected a different result.
How did i came to belive ?
I basically got my ass kicked by alcohol and my experince shown
that i couldn't stopped even if i wanted to. So no amount of my will
power could over come alcohol. i didn't lack willpower, as a
matter of fact, I had plenty of selfwill, run riot.
Step#3....
Being sick and tired of being sick and tire.
F..it, I took a leap of faith.
I was sick and tired of being sick and tired...you know what i mean
No more brain storming if there is a god, religion, lack of religion..ect.
No more about if i fit in or not or whatever the hell everybody else is doing.
F..it, i surrendered.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Blacksburg, VA
Posts: 191
when you slipped....what did you slip on?
Did you NOT work vigilantly with a sponsor? call them daily, take thier suggestions? do what they do to stay sober? If not, you may have slipped on the "Sponsor wet spot".
Did you NOT attend daily meetings, espeically when you DIDNT want to go? found so many reasons or other important things to do INSTEAD of meetings? If so , you may have slipped on the "moist lack-a-meeting" spot.
Did You NOT thoroughly work each and every step, as directed, as many times as directed and as a result NOT experience that spiritual awakening the 12th step promises? If so, you may have slipped on a step...or 12.
Bottom line, you aint working the AA program if youre not staying sober, somewhere, somehow, your still working YOUR program, which, by the sound of it, clearly isnt working.
Submit yourself to a higher authority, do things IT'S way, and boy, will you get a new WAY to live.
Good luck,,,,you will surrender when your way hurts like hell. but you dont have to wait for that to happen....if you fake it now, when it doesnt hurt.
Did you NOT work vigilantly with a sponsor? call them daily, take thier suggestions? do what they do to stay sober? If not, you may have slipped on the "Sponsor wet spot".
Did you NOT attend daily meetings, espeically when you DIDNT want to go? found so many reasons or other important things to do INSTEAD of meetings? If so , you may have slipped on the "moist lack-a-meeting" spot.
Did You NOT thoroughly work each and every step, as directed, as many times as directed and as a result NOT experience that spiritual awakening the 12th step promises? If so, you may have slipped on a step...or 12.
Bottom line, you aint working the AA program if youre not staying sober, somewhere, somehow, your still working YOUR program, which, by the sound of it, clearly isnt working.
Submit yourself to a higher authority, do things IT'S way, and boy, will you get a new WAY to live.
Good luck,,,,you will surrender when your way hurts like hell. but you dont have to wait for that to happen....if you fake it now, when it doesnt hurt.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Upper Kolobia
Posts: 153
Do You Want to Quit?
I've always been kind of suspicious about slips since mine--if that's what it was---lasted almost six years . . . I hit AA just after I turned 21 and came back thoroughly toasted and ready at 27 . . .
One of the casualties along the road--she's dead now, and at one time I was sick-arse in love with her--did manage a couple of years of sobriety (long after we split up, for you terminal Al-Anons out there). She shared in a meeting that all those years she was in-and-out she simply just didn't want to stop drinking . . .
I guess she wanted to start again at some point (I heard the news of her passing second-hand) . . . Or maybe she just didn't want to give up something she needed to give up . . .
Please look at the Third Step: It simply says, "Made a decision . . . " There are a bunch of other steps afterwards involved in executing that decision . . .
I'm with the conventional wisdom that inventories in early sobriety are a problem, but frankly as soon as one's head is clear, I think a reasonable approach is to rigorously cross-examine one's self and decide if one really is ready to go to any length . . .
And a big chunk of that means giving up the "pay-offs" for drinking . . . Some of those are obvious, the "chasing the feeling" nonsense--they call it "euphoric recall in rehabs"--that consists of the delusion that we'll have a good time this time ("This time it'll be different" is an addicts favorite way of BSing themself), but there are lots of other factors . . . A whole lot of the payoffs for drinking involve an unwillingness to face pain, and I wish I could tell you there wouldn't be pain, but I'm not very good at lying anymore . . .
Write your payoffs down and call it your First Step if your sponsor won't let you take a Fourth and Fifth Step . . . Read all you can from the relapse prevention crowd such as Terrance Gorski . . .
And there's no law that says you have to limit yourself to 90 meetings in 90 days; I've known plenty who did more than that and still do . . .
If you've got some people who are enabling you, put up some big boundaries and focus on your recovery . . . What was that line Clancy used on his sponsor? Oh yeah . . . "I feel terrible." And his sponsor (who later got drunk I understand) said, "Well then, get a terrible job."
If you've got dysfunctional family-of-origin stuff, a good approach is probably to put it on hold for a time . . . Yeah, it's somebody else's fault on that stuff, but it's your responsibility to make the changes and effect the healing . . .
Just my nickel's worth . . . My first sponsor was a chronic slipper who finally got sober (he got drunk when I was thirty days off the sauce, and I found someone in the meantime, of course). He shared that he had to go to lots of meetings and shoot his mouth off a whole lot to maintain his sobriety . . .
Not to worry though. AA's got a wrench for every nut who walks through the door . . .
One of the casualties along the road--she's dead now, and at one time I was sick-arse in love with her--did manage a couple of years of sobriety (long after we split up, for you terminal Al-Anons out there). She shared in a meeting that all those years she was in-and-out she simply just didn't want to stop drinking . . .
I guess she wanted to start again at some point (I heard the news of her passing second-hand) . . . Or maybe she just didn't want to give up something she needed to give up . . .
Please look at the Third Step: It simply says, "Made a decision . . . " There are a bunch of other steps afterwards involved in executing that decision . . .
I'm with the conventional wisdom that inventories in early sobriety are a problem, but frankly as soon as one's head is clear, I think a reasonable approach is to rigorously cross-examine one's self and decide if one really is ready to go to any length . . .
And a big chunk of that means giving up the "pay-offs" for drinking . . . Some of those are obvious, the "chasing the feeling" nonsense--they call it "euphoric recall in rehabs"--that consists of the delusion that we'll have a good time this time ("This time it'll be different" is an addicts favorite way of BSing themself), but there are lots of other factors . . . A whole lot of the payoffs for drinking involve an unwillingness to face pain, and I wish I could tell you there wouldn't be pain, but I'm not very good at lying anymore . . .
Write your payoffs down and call it your First Step if your sponsor won't let you take a Fourth and Fifth Step . . . Read all you can from the relapse prevention crowd such as Terrance Gorski . . .
And there's no law that says you have to limit yourself to 90 meetings in 90 days; I've known plenty who did more than that and still do . . .
If you've got some people who are enabling you, put up some big boundaries and focus on your recovery . . . What was that line Clancy used on his sponsor? Oh yeah . . . "I feel terrible." And his sponsor (who later got drunk I understand) said, "Well then, get a terrible job."
If you've got dysfunctional family-of-origin stuff, a good approach is probably to put it on hold for a time . . . Yeah, it's somebody else's fault on that stuff, but it's your responsibility to make the changes and effect the healing . . .
Just my nickel's worth . . . My first sponsor was a chronic slipper who finally got sober (he got drunk when I was thirty days off the sauce, and I found someone in the meantime, of course). He shared that he had to go to lots of meetings and shoot his mouth off a whole lot to maintain his sobriety . . .
Not to worry though. AA's got a wrench for every nut who walks through the door . . .
sicker than others
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Wherever I go there I am..Pacific NW
Posts: 58
Thanks.. I am working on my 4th step right now... I have done the 123 steps till I am blue i nthe face.. I realize that I need to also stay clear of my old drinking buddies...
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
I too was in and out of AA trying to find sobriety.
I read a book "Under The Influence" that explained
to me why I continued to drink when I despertly
wanted to stay sober.
I then used that information
added God and recommitted to AA.
I have not had a drink since then.
Here is a link with excerpts to that book
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...influence.html
Please read it and see if it helps you.
Blessings
I read a book "Under The Influence" that explained
to me why I continued to drink when I despertly
wanted to stay sober.
I then used that information
added God and recommitted to AA.
I have not had a drink since then.
Here is a link with excerpts to that book
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...influence.html
Please read it and see if it helps you.
Blessings
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