Tazman53

But it is getting better, I just finished my step 4, the head ache was from searching 53 years of memories of people I have harmed! What surprised me was the number of them I can no longer recall their names, sad in a way because I have a lot of amends to make and I will just have to accept the fact that many of them can not be made.

I learned an awful lot about myself, but you know the most important thing I learned?

I have become a pretty decent guy in the last 6 months, I am no longer the self centered, egotistical, over sexed, take no prisoners, lying ******* I used to be.

This is something I had to share with those who are struggling with this step right now or have been putting it off!

socalgal

Congratulations, Taz!

Now, rest and take care of that head ache!

It makes my head and heart ache when I have to do that kind of introspection. Ouch. Make sure to do something good for yourself. You have definitely earned it.

Much love,
K

teej

Sheesh taz, I'm still on step one. I need to get my a$$ in gear and get with the steps!
Way to go on finishing step 4 taz!!!!!!!

Talluleh

Taz, you are my hero..

Carol87

What may surprise you even more is that 'more will be revealed' as time passes ... I've been sober many many 24 hours and still have light bulb moments remembering something/someone from the past ...

CarolD

Great Taz!

GrouchoTheCat

Good work Taz,

Glad you're cleaning house. I'll need to start that process soon.

Got myself to a meeting tonight. I really needed it, with my cold I just have not been out at all except for work.

This is a great forum, but I really get a great deal out of meetings.

Take care,

Ted

Hush007

Congrats my friend! I don't know who you were 6 months ago Taz,... but I do know that I've liked you since I first checked out this forum. You're a great guy and it warms my heart to see you are making so much progress in those steps! Keep up the good work!

Big hug (and pat on the back),

Philip

Tazman53

Thanks guys, ever since I got into the rooms I heard so many folks share how hard the 4th step inventory was, but the old timers and those who had recently completed it emphasized what I have found to be true, the memories of what you were are very painful, but you now have them in front of you rather then spinning in your head, they are out there and you know the part of you that contributed to them and can now deal with them.

Taking an inventory of myself has shown me the parts of me that I have already cleaned up (Good thing) and those that still need to be cleaned (Not bad now that I know what needs cleaning).

I view step 4 as the foundation for the rest of the steps leading to more serenity and happiness.

One of the best lines I ever heard about the 4th step was shared by a guy repeating what an old timer had told him when asked "When should I do the 4th step?" The old timer looked at him and said simply "When you are ready to stop hurting." To that I would add "When you are ready to stop hurting, and start healing."

Missymae737

Hi Taz,

Are you saying you are no longer the tazmanian devil??? LOL!!!!

You are a decent guy...Thanks for sharing!

Tazman53

The Taz is my alter ego and the only tatoo I have. He has been locked up in a cage for 6 months now, but even he is beginning to develop a sense of serenity himself! LOL

TorontoGuy28

Wow Taz, good for you man...

barb dwyer

the best one I ever heard was our very own fraankie - "I offered to buy someone's fourth step" or somethin like that ... bwahhahahahaaa !!!

GlassPrisoner

Yeah, I had a few of those. "That guy in Clovis that was hitting on my Wife", etc.....

Congrats on finishing your 4th ! You have an time and date for the 5th ? 6 & 7 happened and hour & change after my 5th.

Taz is finally gonna get to take the trash out !

Pilgrim

I have an appointment to do step four on Saturday. I have one problem. Is this only alcohol related trash incidents? Do I need to forgive everybodY? There is someone hurt my baby I don't forgive and I was horrible to him but not horrible enough I reckon. Am I gonna fail step 4?

barb dwyer

I've hever heard of 'failing' step four ... but I have heard of a LOT who fail to COMPLETE step four ...or to WORK step four ...

Tazman53

Well the 5th was supposed to have happened this weekend, I had told my sponsor any time this weekend and had forgotten about being out of town Saturday, so I called him and he said he had made plans for Sunday thinking I would be open on Saturday!!! LOL Oh well.... He told me to just put it away and not dwell on it and we will take care of it next weekend.

Steph there is no pass or fail on step 4!, there are resentments that one will still have to work on after step 4, heck as life goes on after a step 4 many of us will gain new resentments or old forgotten ones will crop up that is why we have step 10:
This is one of the maintenance steps.

In regards to limiting step 4 to just drinking? No that is not the idea, we need to learn all about our selfs because drinking is but a symptom of alcoholism. This will alow us to know where our faults/defects lie and what we need to work on to become better people.

parentrecovers

hey taz, did your headache go away? i have one today, if it makes you feel any better. that, and a chili dog hangover. words of wisdom - don't eat chili dogs when you're under a lot of stress. too many food groups! k

Tazman53

Headaches been gone, chili dogs are bad, but shrimp scampi is pretty harsh also at times.

Golfman

Being already on step 4 assumes you have read, and understood, the Big Book from the Doctor's Opinion to How It Works.


Your sponsor should be guiding you through the entire process. The only step that you have to do right is the 1st step. You must be totally convinced you are powerless of alcohol, that your life had become unmanageable. If, and only if, you can answer yes to this question, then you are ready to move on.

After you have complete Steps 2 & 3, then it's time for step 4. That may seem very simplistic, but it's not. Step 3 is a making a decision, not taking an action. It's the action that follows Step 3 that represents turning over our will and our lives over to the care of God as we undertand him.

Please read Step 4...Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves. Nowhere in there does is mention forgiving everyone. I realize this is only my opinion, but this is what worked for me.

My suggestions regarding step 4 are as for you to read the Big Book and do what it says... word for word, line by line. Remember also that this is an inventory, just like a business inventory, page 64 paragraph that begins "Therefore". It then says in the next paragraph. "We did exactly the same thing with our lives." It doesn't say our drinking lives, it says lives. In the last paragraph on that page it talks about resentments. It says..."In dealing with our resentments, we set them on paper. We listed people, institutions ro principles with whom we were angry."

So...go as far back in your life as you can remember. List everyone and everything that made you angry. You might say "wow, that's going to take some time." Yes, it is. But a thorough look at your life is required here. It then says "We asked ourselves why we were angry." Then there's a list of likely reasons why we were angry...our self esteem, our pocketbooks, our ambitions, our personal relationships (including sex) were hurt or threatened."

At the bottom of page 65 it clearly states..."We went back through our lives. Nothing counted but thoroughness and honesty."

It also give an outline or suggested way to do this. For me, I found that after I completed my resentment list, I had to list every resentment I had against the people, institutions, etc. that I had written down. For my mother for example, I was resentful toward her for many things. I must have had 13 or 14 resentments towards her alone. I listed beside each resentment what was threatened...my security, my ambitions, my self-esteem, etc. I will also confess that when I got to my wife, I had over 60 resentments. You can just imagine how long it took me to get through those resentments and the reasons why.

I direct you now to page 66, last paragraph. "We turned back to our list, for it held the key to the future. We were prepared to look at it from an entirely different angle. We began to see that the world and its people really dominated us. In that state, the wrong-doing of others, fancied or real, had power to actually kill. How could we escape?" Then the next paragraph begins with..."This was our course."

I know I must sound like a Big Book thumper, and I probably am. But when I did my 4th step I followed these words to the letter. After completion of my 4th step, then I was ready to move on to the 5th.

Please make sure you are thorough and honest. This may take longer than you think to complete. But I assure you that you will not regret it. It will free you from the burdens you've been carrying around for, in some cases, your whole life.

A little hint...no one has to be perfect with this step as you've heard before. As Taz pointed out, we get many chances to do this again in Step 10. You will find that by writing down resentments as they come along and applying the same action as you did in Step 4, you will not have to carry around resentments for long....that is, unless you want to. There are many of us, myself included, that remain caught up in their resentments for a long time. I heard an expression one time that made a lot of sense..."just because our s**t is warm, doesn't mean we have to sit in it." Some of us are very comfortable with chaos and turmoil because it's familiar to us and seems normal. The objective here is to turn the normal to abnormal and turn the abnormal into normal. In other words, getting s**tfaced all the time for me was normal. What I needed to do was change my way of thinking so that drinking was abnormal. The same holds true for most of the ways I used to think.

As stated in the beginning of this very long, tedious, note. This is what worked for me.

As Dennis Miller always says..."That's just my opinion, I could be wrong."