How do you surrender??
sicker than others
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Wherever I go there I am..Pacific NW
Posts: 58
thanks Carol.. I have read that book b4.. it is good... It is good for me to keep in mind the physical aspect of this disease...
WHen I am sober I feel like I am goign to dye of lonliness... like it will swalllow me whole.. thats how I feel right now... empty void, hopeless, and so discouraged.....
WHen I am sober I feel like I am goign to dye of lonliness... like it will swalllow me whole.. thats how I feel right now... empty void, hopeless, and so discouraged.....
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Have you considered doing vvolunteer work?
So many places that could use a hand...
I did that at a free medical clinic in early sobriety.
I also made new AA friends to hang out with.
I was single and lived alone
and so did they. Worked great!
Here I am..years later
still live alone and single
doing different volunteer work
and have n other AA friends.
Still works great too!
This is possible for you too!
Mega Hugs
So many places that could use a hand...
I did that at a free medical clinic in early sobriety.
I also made new AA friends to hang out with.
I was single and lived alone
and so did they. Worked great!
Here I am..years later
still live alone and single
doing different volunteer work
and have n other AA friends.
Still works great too! This is possible for you too!
Mega Hugs
Follow Directions!
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,730
Surrender...... one thing to keep in mind about surrendering, when I surrendered I gave up to the winning side, I had to decide if I wanted the winning side to be alcohol or sobriety.
anewday2day obvoiusly you have step one knocked out, you admit you are powerless over alcohol. I am as well
Are you sure about step 2? Do you really feel a power greater then your self can restore you to sanity? I do and that power has for me, but I had to follow directions.
Initially I had to surrender to the fact that I had to be willing to do anything to stop drinking. In order to do that I had to follow directions!
In detox I was told "Go to at least 90 AA meetings in 90 days and get a sponsor.
1. Have you gone to at least 90 AA meetings in 90 days?
I thought this was impossible, I had a full time job, was married and had 3 kids still living at home, there was no way I could do that! Guess what? I was committed to stay sober and I followed directions, I went to a meeting every evening and on the weekends I went to 2-3 meetings a day.
I put as much effort and time into not drinking as I did to drinking.
2. Do you have a sponsor?
I got one the day I got out of detox at the first meeting I went to, I followed directions given to me at detox because I wanted to stay sober.
3. Do you call your sponsor every day? Do you call 2 other people in your AA network every day?
My sponsor said to call him every day even if it was just to say hello, he told me to get phone numbers at every meeting and to call 2 people a day from that list and if I could not reach him to call a 3rd person.
You may wonder why in the world calling people has a thing to do with staying sober, I found that what it did was teach me to call people, sounds stupid, but when you call people you are not drinking, you are helping them not drink and when your butt catches on fire for a drink I learned to pick up the phone and call some one in my network.... funny thing how talking to someone who knows what you are talking about when I said "Man my arse is on fire!!! I want a drink so bad I can taste it" they know what I am talking about.
Funnier yet is that by the time they answer the phone the flames on my arse are already starting to go out and by the time we have talked a few minutes the flames are out!!
Please do not give up, there is a guy in the rooms in Fredericksburg who was in AA for 13 years before he finally really surrendered, he finally really started following directions and he now has over 3 years sober!
Have you honestly followed all directions given to you?
Until you are willing to do so you will not have surrendered.
Well actually you will have done what I did before I went into detox, I surrendered to alcohol!!!!
When I surrendered to alcohol it was the winner and I was the loser.
Step 4 will be worthless unless you have steps 1-3 down pat! From what you have shared you have step one down pat, I had it down pat for 10 years!!!
Once I got out of detox I knew that it was going to take a Power greater then myself to restore me to my sanity, alcohol had beaten me down to the point where when it came to drinking I was insane, I did things to drink or justify drinking that were insane. I was so insane that if I did not have a beer I could not drive by a 7-11 without stopping to get beer.
When I got out of detox I knew that it was going to take a Power greater then me just to get me home without stopping at a 7-11, I prayed the whole way home!!! I got home and hugged my wife and kids..... my arse was on fire and the only thing I knew to do at that point was to follow the directions they gave me in detox, I went straight to an AA meeting and get a sponsor.
I had surrendered at that point in time to AA, they were a Power greater then me, they were alcoholics that were sober and happy being sober! I started following directions and here I am 6 months later sober, happy and thanks to AA and my Higher Power that I understand whom I call God I have had the urge/need to drink lifted from me.
I had to be willing to do anything to get and stay sober and that was following directions!
Not just the directions I liked or had time to follow, but all the directions I was given.
anewday2day obvoiusly you have step one knocked out, you admit you are powerless over alcohol. I am as well
Are you sure about step 2? Do you really feel a power greater then your self can restore you to sanity? I do and that power has for me, but I had to follow directions.
Initially I had to surrender to the fact that I had to be willing to do anything to stop drinking. In order to do that I had to follow directions!
In detox I was told "Go to at least 90 AA meetings in 90 days and get a sponsor.
1. Have you gone to at least 90 AA meetings in 90 days?
I thought this was impossible, I had a full time job, was married and had 3 kids still living at home, there was no way I could do that! Guess what? I was committed to stay sober and I followed directions, I went to a meeting every evening and on the weekends I went to 2-3 meetings a day.
I put as much effort and time into not drinking as I did to drinking.
2. Do you have a sponsor?
I got one the day I got out of detox at the first meeting I went to, I followed directions given to me at detox because I wanted to stay sober.
3. Do you call your sponsor every day? Do you call 2 other people in your AA network every day?
My sponsor said to call him every day even if it was just to say hello, he told me to get phone numbers at every meeting and to call 2 people a day from that list and if I could not reach him to call a 3rd person.
You may wonder why in the world calling people has a thing to do with staying sober, I found that what it did was teach me to call people, sounds stupid, but when you call people you are not drinking, you are helping them not drink and when your butt catches on fire for a drink I learned to pick up the phone and call some one in my network.... funny thing how talking to someone who knows what you are talking about when I said "Man my arse is on fire!!! I want a drink so bad I can taste it" they know what I am talking about.
Funnier yet is that by the time they answer the phone the flames on my arse are already starting to go out and by the time we have talked a few minutes the flames are out!!
Please do not give up, there is a guy in the rooms in Fredericksburg who was in AA for 13 years before he finally really surrendered, he finally really started following directions and he now has over 3 years sober!
Have you honestly followed all directions given to you?
Until you are willing to do so you will not have surrendered.
Well actually you will have done what I did before I went into detox, I surrendered to alcohol!!!!
When I surrendered to alcohol it was the winner and I was the loser.
Step 4 will be worthless unless you have steps 1-3 down pat! From what you have shared you have step one down pat, I had it down pat for 10 years!!!
Once I got out of detox I knew that it was going to take a Power greater then myself to restore me to my sanity, alcohol had beaten me down to the point where when it came to drinking I was insane, I did things to drink or justify drinking that were insane. I was so insane that if I did not have a beer I could not drive by a 7-11 without stopping to get beer.
When I got out of detox I knew that it was going to take a Power greater then me just to get me home without stopping at a 7-11, I prayed the whole way home!!! I got home and hugged my wife and kids..... my arse was on fire and the only thing I knew to do at that point was to follow the directions they gave me in detox, I went straight to an AA meeting and get a sponsor.
I had surrendered at that point in time to AA, they were a Power greater then me, they were alcoholics that were sober and happy being sober! I started following directions and here I am 6 months later sober, happy and thanks to AA and my Higher Power that I understand whom I call God I have had the urge/need to drink lifted from me.
I had to be willing to do anything to get and stay sober and that was following directions!
Not just the directions I liked or had time to follow, but all the directions I was given.
Awaiting Email Confirmation
Join Date: Jan 2006
Posts: 120
For me, surrender has to do with:
being willing to receive instead of rejecting gifts and offers to help
trusting that God is arranging some cool things behind the scenes despite current appearances, and being patient and accepting
appreciating what is and finding things to be grateful for
hope this helps!
being willing to receive instead of rejecting gifts and offers to help
trusting that God is arranging some cool things behind the scenes despite current appearances, and being patient and accepting
appreciating what is and finding things to be grateful for
hope this helps!
Silly Rabbit
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Charlotte, NC
Posts: 956
Every time I hear the word "surrender" at a meeting, I think of that Cheap Trick song... "Surrender... surrender..." Is that weird?
But really, I love the idea of surrender. I heard the war metaphor at a few meetings, and I really jive with that. To me, alcohol is ridiculous sneaky and tricky, (some might even say cunning, baffling, and powerful, haha), and that's an enemy I can't do battle with. I have no problem giving up my old nouns (people, places, things) if it means I get a better way to live. Surrender? No problem, take 'em. It's not worht it for me to hang on and die trying to be successful at drinking alcohol. Lame! Besides, what Kevin said is right on, appreciating what is and finding things to be grateful for help me surrender every day.
Every day I turn my will and my life over to the care of God as I understand Him... to me, that's the Big Guy. I know everything'll be cool if I'm giving it over to the Big Guy. That lets me off the hook and it puts Him on the hook, which is right where He belongs.
Wow, I'm a rambling gal. I hope this helps, even a teeny tiny bit.
But really, I love the idea of surrender. I heard the war metaphor at a few meetings, and I really jive with that. To me, alcohol is ridiculous sneaky and tricky, (some might even say cunning, baffling, and powerful, haha), and that's an enemy I can't do battle with. I have no problem giving up my old nouns (people, places, things) if it means I get a better way to live. Surrender? No problem, take 'em. It's not worht it for me to hang on and die trying to be successful at drinking alcohol. Lame! Besides, what Kevin said is right on, appreciating what is and finding things to be grateful for help me surrender every day.
Every day I turn my will and my life over to the care of God as I understand Him... to me, that's the Big Guy. I know everything'll be cool if I'm giving it over to the Big Guy. That lets me off the hook and it puts Him on the hook, which is right where He belongs.
Wow, I'm a rambling gal. I hope this helps, even a teeny tiny bit.
Follow Directions!
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,730
It's not worht it for me to hang on and die trying to be successful at drinking alcohol.
Once alcohol beat me down bad enough that I knew I was going to die if I kept on drinking, the surrender to my Higher Power was much easier, death is a big incentive, or maybe I should say living life is a HUGE incentive.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Colorado Springs, CO
Posts: 2,391
In the beginning, maintaining our sobriety takes so much work. It can seem exhausting. Making sure we set ourselves up to win every day is a lot of work, but after you do it for a week, a month, six months..it becomes second nature.
I had to attend an alcohol awareness class as part of my treatment program and I was floored about how much I really still didn't know about addiction and alcohol and drugs.
My thoughts are with you.
I had to attend an alcohol awareness class as part of my treatment program and I was floored about how much I really still didn't know about addiction and alcohol and drugs.
My thoughts are with you.
sicker than others
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Wherever I go there I am..Pacific NW
Posts: 58
Yeah this has givng me insight.. I think there has been a a part of me clinging to the old lifestyle... it was my identity to be the PARTY GIRL... even though truth is it always gets very unglamourus at the end...should I say awful really..... I wish I could go to treatment..but I have no insurance... 3 days sober today. It is is so hard to have to start over AGAIN! I know this is a disease but I feel like a personal failure for not being able to surrender! I is hard to keep hope alive and beleive thi time will be different in sobriety. I am down for the count.. king alcohol wins again.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: MA.
Posts: 1,719
Originally Posted by anewday2day 
I is hard to keep hope alive and beleive thi time will be different in sobriety. I am down for the count.. king alcohol wins again.
Never give up hope, and King Alcohol doesn't have to win....
You can do this, believe in yourself...
Follow Directions!
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,730
anewday2day call up social services in your area I would be willing to bet they have some sort of group counseling you could get into, talk to your sponsormaybe she could help you find some sort of therapy, go to meetings and share what is going on, you will be amazed what kind of help can be found when you seek it.
Wishing I could be good!
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Oklahoma
Posts: 59
Originally Posted by anewday2day
Ok I hear ya.. i have to wnt sobriety more than I want to drink.. It is an easy concept however when I get all spun out 9sober) feel antsy and there is a beer right in front of me how do I not take it... I like being sober most of the time but there are times when i feel CRAZY (restless irrirtable and discontent) when I am sober... and the there is the social aspect of it. our society is so saturated with boos. I know not everyone drinks heavily but it seems to me everyone who I know who is not in AA does! I feel like such an outcast. I often feel like I dont fit in in AA either! Anyways just venting... wish I could get a hnadle on the one day at a time thing too.. ahhh this is so hard... Anyone else struggling>?????
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Canada
Posts: 4,580
Originally Posted by anewday2day
Yeah this has givng me insight.. I think there has been a a part of me clinging to the old lifestyle... it was my identity to be the PARTY GIRL... even though truth is it always gets very unglamourus at the end...should I say awful really..... .
That hole is finally getting what it needs...real life, real connections with real human beings, real pain, real joy, real spirituality, real thought, real everything.
I can only find contentment and peace by enduring every moment full on...by living thru the pain and awkwardness of recovery...by reaching out to life rather than the isolation of booze.
Om, Aum, Ohm...
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Punxsutawney/Pittsburgh
Posts: 4,797
You know, anewday...once I got comfortable in my own skin while sober, I regained my ability to crack jokes, tell stories and join in on the merry making. I just do it now with sober people in sober places. "We are not a glum lot..." Being sober doesn't mean being somber! It just takes awhile for some of us. Please don't give up!
Peace & Love,
Sugah
Peace & Love,
Sugah
sicker than others
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Wherever I go there I am..Pacific NW
Posts: 58
thanks guys.. been crying all day..lats of self pity going on I guess.. I talked to my mom about treatment and she said ther was no way my fam could afford it..ahhh
sicker than others
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Wherever I go there I am..Pacific NW
Posts: 58
yeah I am not givng up.. just really sick a nd tired of being sick and tired.....
it is hard to keep hope alive sometime.. I can stay sober for like a week or maybe two but thats about it.. I havent had 30 days in over a year. and this is with goign to meeting ALOT, sponpser.. the whole shabang... maybe I havent been giving it all my enthusiaum because I feel like what is the point.. I will only drink again...AA doesnt woirk..blah, blah ,blah... bad thinking I know...
It is rainig her in Oregon... big surprise ..I susually hate the weather here but today I feel right at home with my tears. 3 day sober sucks and I have been here way too much!
NUUDAWN- I can for sure relate with that emptiness that nothing can fill.... It is all encompassing....
Thanks everyone for your support.
MUCH LOVE!
it is hard to keep hope alive sometime.. I can stay sober for like a week or maybe two but thats about it.. I havent had 30 days in over a year. and this is with goign to meeting ALOT, sponpser.. the whole shabang... maybe I havent been giving it all my enthusiaum because I feel like what is the point.. I will only drink again...AA doesnt woirk..blah, blah ,blah... bad thinking I know...
It is rainig her in Oregon... big surprise ..I susually hate the weather here but today I feel right at home with my tears. 3 day sober sucks and I have been here way too much!
NUUDAWN- I can for sure relate with that emptiness that nothing can fill.... It is all encompassing....
Thanks everyone for your support.
MUCH LOVE!
Om, Aum, Ohm...
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Punxsutawney/Pittsburgh
Posts: 4,797
Can I ask how old you are, anewday? If your family cannot afford treatment, you're unemployed and you're a legal adult, there may be a scale or even free treatment available to you. Lots of people get sober without rehab, but if you truly want it, it's 28 days well spent.
Peace & Love,
Sugah
Peace & Love,
Sugah
sicker than others
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Wherever I go there I am..Pacific NW
Posts: 58
28 years old.. Yeah I have looked into all the option in oregon.. not much here.. waiting lists are like 3 months lon. I just dont want to been in this same spot again.... I think I am going to give up on treatment becasue it is just not realistic for me... well i have today right? I quit my last job becasue the drank ON THE CLOCK!.. it was awful (in an office!).. aobut 4pm it was beer thirty.. pretty hard to stay sober ther! just got hired at a new job but no ins. I am thinking of looking for something else...
Om, Aum, Ohm...
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Punxsutawney/Pittsburgh
Posts: 4,797
Don't know if you're joking about the weather comment or not, anewday. Today, they called for rain here in Western PA. Instead, we got dumped on with snow...took me forty-five minutes to drive the normal twenty minute trip, and now, and then "the snow turned into rain" (if you're inclined towards Fogelberg). It was actually kind of pretty, though it makes my bones ache. So..crappy weather? Sure, I can enjoy it, so long as I'm inside & warm, not out there on a road full of teenage drivers.
Sweetie, I've been thinking. You don't seem to have any issue with the spiritual part of the program...do you? It's a common misconception that religion or some sort of saint-like state needs to be attained in order to work these steps. I'm very grateful that we strive for "spiritual progress rather than spiritual perfection." I'd have given up by now if it was the latter. Many, many people get by just fine using the group as a HP. I'm sure you know this. And others are made to feel (by misguided folks, IMHO) that the group is only a start, that it must go beyond that. Me? I'm pretty earth-based in my connections, though I do have to admit I'm now feeling a connection with something transcendent. I'm just curious about this, as the prayer and meditation part of the program is pretty important (again, IMHO) to ones success in those steps. Hell, maybe I'm just complicating things for you. If I am, I'm sorry.
28? I have a wonderful sponsee who was 27 when she came in. She stumbled a bit, kicked and screamed a whole lot, and finally, last November, celebrated two years. She felt different because she was so young, but as more young people came into the rooms, she saw her youth in sobriety as an asset She could reach the younger people when many of us could not.
Oh, and I think it's in my profile, but I'm 38. Got sober at 34. Banged around since I was 9 years old.
Peace & Love,
Sugah
Sweetie, I've been thinking. You don't seem to have any issue with the spiritual part of the program...do you? It's a common misconception that religion or some sort of saint-like state needs to be attained in order to work these steps. I'm very grateful that we strive for "spiritual progress rather than spiritual perfection." I'd have given up by now if it was the latter. Many, many people get by just fine using the group as a HP. I'm sure you know this. And others are made to feel (by misguided folks, IMHO) that the group is only a start, that it must go beyond that. Me? I'm pretty earth-based in my connections, though I do have to admit I'm now feeling a connection with something transcendent. I'm just curious about this, as the prayer and meditation part of the program is pretty important (again, IMHO) to ones success in those steps. Hell, maybe I'm just complicating things for you. If I am, I'm sorry.
28? I have a wonderful sponsee who was 27 when she came in. She stumbled a bit, kicked and screamed a whole lot, and finally, last November, celebrated two years. She felt different because she was so young, but as more young people came into the rooms, she saw her youth in sobriety as an asset She could reach the younger people when many of us could not.
Oh, and I think it's in my profile, but I'm 38. Got sober at 34. Banged around since I was 9 years old.
Peace & Love,
Sugah
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