paulmh

I love reading this journal Stone - I think, for what its worth, that it's really good to keep one, and not just for you!

You're reminding me, again - in my realy days, when my head was all over the place, I just kept thinking how I MUST NOT DRINK - and when that became hard because my head was spinning all over the place, I kept thinking "THIS TOO SHALL PASS".

I capitalise these not to be shouty, but because those eight words became so important to me!

PS -Gypsy Tears, Ann who posts here put up this sticky which I found really useful

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...your-life.html

Paul

hope3

Hi stone, getting angry is natural to recovery, I just

Embraced it, I would go out where no one was and

YELL, SCREAM, AND YELL AND SCREAM SOME MORE.

I do wierd things, but it helped release some of the anger...

Love ya stone,((((((((((hope3))))))))))))

chrisj728

Hey Stone, if your still angry come on and vent mate,we've all bin there it helps.
But if you just wana chill thats ok to,just try not to dwell on resentments they will only f%%k your head up eventualy.
Take it easy mate
chris

gypsytears

Thanks for that link Paul... very helpful indeed. Now if our buddy stone would pop on and let us know how he is, he might think so as well !

Stone, you've really been making such good progress... I'm proud of your turn around babe .

Rusty Zipper

stone???


you ok???

stone

I drank over the last 2 days. I hope no-one loses faith in me but I decided to be honest and admit it here. I am not drinking today so I guess I am back to day one. I feel awful as I am sure people can imagine, crippling stomach pains and psychologically not good at all.
Back on the wagon though.

velvet42

Thinking of you Stone - don't give up! Hugs

chrisj728

Stone mate, no one will be losing faith with you,were alkies mate its what we do!and with your apointment in 18 days it must be even harder for you to concentrate on the now.All you can do Stone is live in today as much as you can and give it another try.You say that your not gonna drink today so there you are, your all ready back on the recovery rd.Get some food and plenty of water and relax,do some medi or listen to the big book just dont beat up on yourself about your slip,sh1t your only human.
Stoney I gotta get back to work now but dont ever think youv'e gotta stay off here no matter what mate, were all here for each other and believe me when I say that by posting your honesty you've helped me to remember that I'm only one drink away from bieng drunk and who knows how many away from being sober.
I'll be back on about 6 ish stay levell Stones your worth it.

chris

Tazman53

Stone my man do not beat your self up, we are alcoholics and what we do best and with the greatest of ease is drink!

You may find putting the same effort into going to AA meetings as you did to drinking again very fruitful. Nothing like having some phone numbers of some fellow sober alcohlics to call when you butt is on fire for a drink.

Stone when you want the pain to stop go to a meeting or call someone. Online is great..... when one is online, but if your butt catches on fire wanting a drink and you do not have access to a computor I bet you can find a phone and I know for a fact that calling a fellow alcoholic will keep one sober.

gypsytears

Stone I'm glad you checked back in with us. Yes, dust yourself off and start again. After having to start again so many times you should be a pro by now. I don't mean that in a harsh way... I just mean that you know what to expect. You've also gone many days w/o drinking... so you know how good that is as well. Can you weigh the 2 and see which really makes you feel better yet? I'm guessing yes. I hope we've come to the same answer . And together we can go on towards a sober life.

Notice I did not say happy. I have some issues in my own life right now that are causing some problems. I'm not always up and chipper. In fact I've been feeling downright depressed myself. But I am not drinking and that is something.

Hush007

I'm sorry to hear that.

I hope your problems get solved soon so you can be happy again.

Tazman53

gypsy you may not be real happy now, but that will come sooner because you are sober and able to deal with it, then drunk and ignoring them. Good job hon.

gypsytears

Thanks hush and Taz .

I know it will eventually work it out one way or the other. Dealing with the unknown causes me stress though. But I am sober and I know that it's a better way to live... happy right now or not.

PurpleReign

I think you'll find, the only person that loses faith when you drink is you - we are all here for you man. Lord knows, I've had my share of slips in the past and can only hope I don't in the future, but one day at a time brother.

Even though it's been over a week since my last drink, can't even remember the exact date - I'm not going to start counting my sober time, until I'm sober - and for me, that means doing everything I say I will do - keeping my word. Not drinking doesn't equate to sobriety for me, that's just me though - I'm still not acting like a "sober adult" yet, but it will come with each passing day.

Godspeed brotherman,
PR

stone

Hi everyone, I just wanted to say thanks for all the great posts, I really appreciate it
Still feeling hungover and haven't got much to say atm but I wanted to check in and say thanks. Not drinking of course, that's the main thing for today.

Tazman53

Today is the only thing we have control over anyhow, so why worry about yesterday or tomorrow.

chrisj728

Hi Stone, glad you managed to get back on the savy mate.I meant what I said earlier.I'd took my van into the garage this morning and thought i'd just pop home and check in here,and you'd just posted.When I read it I felt for you mate,but i'd been a bit jumpy first thing and my son wasn't working with me today so the thinking started,I tried blocking it but every now and then it was back,"what if you finish a bit earlier and get a drink on the way home","what if you go to your moms,she's got some vodka in the cupboard" .
Sh1t Stone I was getting real worried,but reading your honest post just stopped me dead in my tracks.I realy felt the frustration in what you said and I knew I didn't want none of it for myself again.I realy felt for you but in doing so relieved myself of the stinking thinking.
Stone who ever is guiding me at the moment got me to come home and turned my monitor into a mirror,there was your terror and bewilderment but my face.I would have your feelings if I gave in to the cravings.
So thanks for helping me to stay sober by you being honest.
And thanks to the big fella for showing me the way.
Stone I have found as I move further into recovery great pleasure in being honest, I dont have to lie to any one these days,i've nothing to hide.I just have to make sure that i'm honest with myself,I have learnt that I can't lie to myself anymore,but Stone I think you've already got that quality,be proud of it mate.

chris

Rusty Zipper

whats that old dopey line... ah, if 1st you dont suceed... 2nd, 3rd, 4th, 5th, 6th.... how many... just never give up trying...

more good wishes... stone..., lol, and i bet you were...

xxoo, zip

stone

I tried to quit when I first joined here, it lasted a month, (check my join date lol) I tried again a while later, that hardly lasted any time. Each time I only posted for about a week and this time is the first time I have admitted to myself how bad I am and that I will never be able to drink like normal people.
Next time I get the depression I am just going to ride it out because...big surprise-drinking made me feel worse!

@chris, I am glad my being honest helped you mate, I know what you mean about pleasure in being honest. Those 12 days were great I had no guilt for the first time in years, it was a great feeling that I will be getting back soon.

It is shocking how quickly I slipped from doing yoga and feeling great to stepping back into drinking, I guess i need a re-think about some things.

Hi gypsy, thanks for sharing that and you know I wish you every success in dealing with it.

To hope and carol and paul and Taz andeveryone else, all your posts helped me hugely, thanks again. I didn't respond at the time as I was either drunk or feeling ill but reading them helped me a lot.

Day 2 lol.

stone

Oh and thanks for the link Paul, I will have a read of that in a min with my bacon sarnie