BrandiK

I have decided not to do my 5th step with my sponsor, but instead with my spiritual advisor/leader/mentor/friend.

I think a great deal of why I was struggling was because of the 5th step. I had been processing my 4th internally, because that is how I did things. Putting it on paper was the final stage, not that it was easy, just not as hard as facing the prospect of telling someone else. What I was dragging my feet most on was sharing this stuff, and even more, sharing it with someone I don't know well and who does not know me well.

I thought long and hard about it. Since getting sober, I had to face a load of stuff. Much my own making, but not all. And was the subject of much, much, MUCH gossip. It hurt, it dibilated me in all honesty, and taught me valuable lessons on the power of gossip. And the thought of sharing all this with someone I don't know all that well scared the hell out of me, I don't know her well enough to know it will stay with her.

Also, made me think that perhaps this sponsor, though she has been a tremdous help to me, isn't the one. Our schedules now conflict drastically (I am free to talk more during the days, she at night) and we don't talk as much. We actually catch eachother on the phone once a weeks, maybe two. Lots of messages, but not a great deal of conversations. She's a great guide, but I don't feel like opening that door to the 5th step.

I prayed and meditated, and prayed and meditated, and was lead to open the BB for answers. I found a lot, which of course lead me to write more 4th step work .. get to the heart of more and deeper issues. And I also read more on the 5th step (I don't read ahead ... maybe silly, but I just don't like to overwhelm myself with the steps ... I tend to jump ahead if I do that) and I read that some have gone to such as church leaders and spiritual advisors.

This woman as been my guide on my spiritual path for 12 years. I trust her completely. She met me sober, watched me start drinking again, and years later find myself back on the path of sobriety. She has remarked on my processes and transitions ... and I know I can be thoroughly honest with her. I won't put on the fake mask of making everything ok or less then (any one else do that? Turn off emotionally instead of being genuine with out need or cause ... protective instict I guess ... someday I'll beat it). With this woman I can be strait forward and honest, and she knows me well enough to snap me out of that 'it's all ok now' mask if I dawn it. I know I can purge it all, and be held in the end. And she will keep it, maybe we can together ritually let it go or something ...

Anyway, making the decision to 5th step with her, and her support to do so, has lifted a massive weight off my shoulders. Has anyone else done it this way? I have not spoken to my sponsor about it, but only because it is still too early to call.

I have been struggling still, though working hard to fight it .. reading early journals and looking up information on relapse. I feel like this is all so hard, and I don't want to do it anymore. But then I look in the mirror ... and remember not being able to do that. And remember that sometimes the uphill climb just makes for a better view.

I am so ready to do this. Hopefully meeting with her tonight.

laurie6781

That is great Brandi!!!!!!!

Please do not beat yourself up that you have chosen to give your 5th to your spiritual advisor. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that.

I did my first fourth and fifth with my sponsor. But when the need came up to do another 4th and 5th, I had moved away from California. Oh I still had bi-weekly contact by phone with her, but no way was I doing it by phone. Also by this time I had found a great spiritual advisor, several of them in fact, as I had found a part of my Heritage that had been denied to me as I was growing up.

My primary spiritual advisor is a Native American Elder that understands fully about the 12 step program and has been a great help! Thus he has heard my additional 5th steps that I have done as "more has been revealed to me."

Please feel at peace about your decision. I truly believe it is what your are destined to do. If your sponsor is walking as she talks she will not be upset about you using your spiritual advisor, she will be happy for you. I know I am.

I hope you can do this tonight for your own serenity.

Now, that is tonight, lol so go enjoy today, and don't forget to do something nice for YOU.

Love and hugs,

BrandiK

We are meeting tonight after my husband get home from work. She's so sweet, she is setting out apples and cheese like she used to when she was mentoring me.

As for getting out, ha! I have a mountain of homework and have to be the bad mommy ... kids MUST clean their room before my house becomes over run with rodents lol But I may drag them outside to work on the back yard to get some sun vitamins.

Thank you so much for your response, you've given me a gift

Golfman

BrandiK,

You made the right decision. AA rooms are filled with good and bad people. The one I used to go to character assassination down to an art form. When new people would come in, you could see the vultures circling.

As it says in the Big Book, and I don't know it verbatim, you've swallowed a whole lot about yourself. Give the process time and you'll be on your way. Remember, "Easy Does It."

Ed

CarolD

Good idea!

Oneard we go!

SaTiT

Do what is right for you. The 5th step is for you, not your sponsor
or anyone else.

As for the gossips inside or outside the fellowship.
Personally, it dosn't bother me.
If people are talking about me, i deem I'm doing something right.
If i'm a legen in my own mind already, i must be a superman in some body
else's mind.
The way I look at it is...people must not have a life if they spend
thier time talking about me.

it's also through working the 4th step that i relized,
when I'm living my life when i was drunk or sober.
I didn't cared one way or the other what people thought
what i was doing, especailly when i was drunk.
So i don't think other people have me on their mind that much, if at all.
I didn't get sober to impress anyone.
The 5th step is that also....evaluating,
keep what like and work on letting go of what i don't like about myself.

came2believe

I think it is very, very fine.

I chose to do my 5th step with my psychiatrist. My first sponsor was a good friend who knew some of the people involved in my 4th step inventory. So, I didn't feel altogether comfortable doing the 5th with her. She completely understood and was supportive.

It worked for me....

fraankie

well, if it works, why not
i had 3 sponsors
regular, step and spiritual
so
it's up to you who you do it with

i know
i know
i know
you will feel much better by tomorrow

congrats


best
fraankie