BrendaChenowyth

I'm working the steps in earnest and feeling like it's finally starting to click but when I do drink I feel as though I've undone all the progress I've made, that none of this work matters, that I have to go back and revisit step one because I clearly haven't accepted it... And I get that I'm powerless, I know I am, I know I need God's help, I know I don't want to be a prisoner any more... but at the end of a frustrating day all I can think about is drinking and I do and I feel terrible... I am beginning to feel, once again, that I am wasting my time. Every step forward is two back.

Please do not tell me that I can not drink or that I must stop drinking. I know that. That is why I am here and why I am working the steps.

tomsteve

have you conceded to your inner most self that you are an alcoholic?
how much time without a drink do ya get before drinking again?

the thought of drinking )mental obsession) was something that was very strong in me for quite a while. but i didnt let the thought control my actions- personal responsability for not drinking.God wasnt going to stop my elbow from bending-i had to be accountable for that. it took work and time for that to leave, but just like promised in the 10th step, the problem was removed.

Darwinia

This journey is very very hard for all of us. And the most difficult part is not to drink. There just is no short-cut.

August252015

Why are you "working the steps" when you have not done step 1? If you are still drinking, you haven't accepted both parts of it, truly. It doesn't make sense to try to learn the rest if you skip the first chapter; also - it all comes back to step one, always.

BrendaChenowyth

There's nothing in step one that requires you stop drinking. I'm looking at it right now. Because quitting drinking and admitting we are powerless over alcohol are not synonymous.

KeyofC

Um working the steps goes hand in hand when people stop drinking. They don't continue to drink AND work the twelve step program. No, what you're saying is a manipulation of the program completely. It's not there so you can drink in moderation. Because one has admitted they are powerless over alcohol, they are trying to not drink, change their lives, allow themselves to start rebuilding to be the person they were meant to be. I certainly will not sit and argue about the first step saying nothing about not drinking and admitting your powerless. It goes unspoken and should be common sense that the steps are used hand in hand when someone decides to not drink because they are powerless.

stevieg46

Its quite simple you are not willing to go to any lengths , you cannot do the steps and drink at the same time , it looks like somehow someday you think you will be ale to drink in safety, if alcoholic you wont . Stopping drinking is easy , staying stopped is where the steps provide the solution .take care.

Stevie recovered 12 03 2006

graciepearl

If you take things back a step if one considers themselves a member of AA the only requirement is a desire to stop drinking. Its reiterated again in the 12 traditions. You could also step back more to AA being a fellowship of men and women who share experience strength and hope if your trying to do this on your own that may be part of the problem. All that you have done does matter stick with it and dig deeper. Reaching out here is a great first step.

tomsteve

i truly hope that you dont think you can get the promises of the program that happen as a result of working the steps while drinking.

yer original question

Drinking = erasing progress?

do you truly,honestly feel you have made progress working tbe steps while drinking?
do you think maybe, just maybe the steps are intended to be worked without alcohol?

a dictionary definition of rationalization-
"rationalization is giving a socially acceptable reason for socially unacceptable behavior, and socially unacceptable behavior is a form of insanity."

mick3580

Your name on here is a clear reference to one of my all time favorite shows.

As for what you are asking, I have a number of thoughts. I'll keep it brief. How fast are you doing the step work? Are you doing at least an hour per day? Are you doing the steps as they are laid out in the big book or are you using some other version of the steps?

Just because you can't not drink doesn't mean you haven't accepted step one. Step one involves the admission that without a spiritual experience, we will drink again.

sugarbear1

The first 43 pages are devoted to step 1.....try to read them and see about the not drinking part.....

The big book suggest detoxing or getting medical help prior to working the steps in those pages.

fini

i used to think that if you're still drinking and claim to have taken the first step, that something is awry here.

however, then someone mentioned more than once that step 1 refers to the problem, and that the following steps contain the directions for the solution.
with that, it makes sense that you could take step one and still drink, since you do not yet have the solution.
however, then there seems yet one more 'school of thought/experience' which goes along the lines of: step one, take it for real and you can be abstinent with that the rest of your life. you will have a good chance at a miserable life.

i've heard all these things.

if the solution is in taking all the steps, then it makes sense that not everyone can quit after step one.

BC, this probably doesn't help you, but maybe it helps to know that where you are makes sense from this interpretation/view.

BrendaChenowyth

I appreciate the compassion... I don't appreciate the sarcasm... I am sorry that I have come here with this.

I don't need it. You didn't need it when you were struggling.

BrendaChenowyth

I won't be back here.

BrendaChenowyth

There was a time you couldn't resist the urge to drink despite having the desire to quit. If there wasn't one, then you aren't alcoholic.

hellrzr

Your thought process is truly alcoholic! Its insanity to belive you can take the steps of a 12 step program while drinking. Are you working with a sponsor? If not get one and just keep attending meetings while you sort things out. I went to meetings for a year while drinking. I didn't pretent to work the steps though but when the time was right I was is the exact place I needed to be to get help. Please don't take the commits on here wrong. Sometimes we need a smack in the face to see reality.

BrendaChenowyth

If you have the ability to stay sober, you would not need to do the twelve steps. If you had the power to stay sober, you wouldn't even need step one.

I'm supposed to admit I am powerless and then.. what.. the addiction is going to leave me? Then, why 11 more steps?

I admit I am powerless... but by what I've been told here, that means nothing because I'm still drinking.

So the next step involves finding a higher power, that would help me, but I can't do that, no, because I'm still drinking, so I'm not supposed to be doing the steps.

What's the point of doing the steps if you are able to stop drinking to begin them????

2muchpain

People go to meetings and continue drinking until their ready to quit. It just makes sense IMHO that there must be people that continued to drink while reading the BB and going through the steps. Sure, all these things will only have limited effect while drinking, but knowledge is power and everybody has to start somewhere. When your ready to quit, you will quit, but I don't thing there's anything lost by testing the waters until that time comes. Not the best way to do it, but it's a start. Hope you keeping posting on SR. John

KeyofC

It is a process of changing my thinking to change the way I think about things and work to change my life. It's not the only way to achieve sobriety, but helps and has helped many people. You do have to have a plan because sure we've all been tempted and many have fallen back into addiction. There's no need to pick it apart. I don't think anyone was trying to be mean or rude or sarcastic. The way your coming across, is a little rough around the edges too. There isn't a one size fits all in recovery. I use lots of tools to help me if the urge pops up or that old alcoholic voice tries to reason with me like I hear yours reasoning with you. Staying sober and working on recovery needs a plan of some kind to work on issues and emotions I was running from in the first place. That's why people use them and yes need them.

breath

90 in 90 is highly reccomended; and having done it nearly continuously for three years I can say it sure helped and it worked for me and most sponsees.

And when that craving hits, you again, go to a meeting or call your sponsor, or a friend. Do you network, get #'s of people at meetings, call each other? It's a Fellowship - if you make it one!