SoberRunner

Understandable. My response was only in reference to you telling them about AA... I just assumed you'd openly share your other hobbies?

Even if you don't do those hobbies everyday, I'd pretend I did just to avoid telling them about the AA meetings. That's just my $0.02 based on (previously) revealing personal information at work. Ideally, I'd prefer to be open and honest but it tends to 'bite you in the butt' when you reveal (sensitive) personal information in the workplace. Never again!!

Caldus

That's part of the problem ... I really don't do much of anything else ... I watch a lot of news on TV, into politics, art, and such, but I feel like those aren't "acceptable" answers for such a question. Everyone always has an answer like "I'm part of a such and such team and we play every weekend" or "I'm part of a band" or whatever. I don't have such an answer except that I'm in AA. That's why I'm struggling with this.

skg

So you're not embarrassed of AA, you're embarrassed of your lifestyle?

westyz

Its non of Mr Bossmans business what you do outside of work.
Could be grounds for a sweet little lawsuit!

SoberRunner

Ah, I see. Well, I'm introverted too so I rarely have a long list of "plans" when asked... I just don't feel the need to always be out 'n about. If asked about your hobbies--based on what you just said--you can say you're interested in political debates, world news, going to art museums/art shows, etc. Everyone is different. Try not compare yourself to others, as the interests you stated are completely acceptable.

And, if they ask you questions like "What are you up to tonight (or this weekend)?" you can simply say you're relaxing. There's nothing wrong with that answer... I've said that plenty of times and yes, at times, I've felt like my co-workers wanted to hear something a little more exciting but...who cares!

Or, you can say you're just going to relax and going to meet up with a few friends. You can even say you're going to meet a few friends for dinner and __________. (insert above interest--there are plenty of meetup groups with those interests and maybe activities around town? And, like I said, even if it's not true...who cares! )
But, it all depends on what you want from your co-workers...

May I ask your age? Are you looking for new friends? I'm friendly at work but I keep my work life and personal life separate and rarely hang out with my co-workers.

JK130

I would never volunteer that I'm a recovering alcoholic. Sadly, there is still too much judgment, and most of it is negative.

BTW I wouldn't volunteer info about medical conditions, quirky habits, outrageous relatives, credit card debt or stupid stuff I did as a teenager, either. IMO opinion a professional environment demands a degree of reserve that seems to come naturally to you. (You don't have to worry about oversharing like some people do)

One thought is for you to actively seek out new interests...and then you'll legitimately have something interesting o talk about in casual conversation. Your new hobby/interest does not have to something mega social - you might like learning to play guitar, or raising zinneas, or petting the animals at the shelter rather than joining a bowling team. Pick something you enjoy!

Sorry for such a long response. You sound like such a nice person, and I'm giving one more vote for keeping your challenges with alcohol private from your new employers. (at least for now, and if they don't directly ask)

Croissant

I'm social and friendly at work, and I don't feel the need to "apologise" for a quiet life on the weekend. No one should.

The truth is, the weekend is YOUR downtime, and if that is staring at a pot plant, :P or whatever it is, then that's OK.

Trying to keep up with everyone else and socialising "their way" in my 30s got me into heavy drinking situations in the first place, "what, you don't drink?"....I'm OK with being who I am now. The truth is, my hobby now is saving money.

Caldus

I'm 30. I am not looking to make friends at work but rather just be professional and respectful to everyone I'm working with (as I always do). I get what you're saying in general. What about the "I do volunteering for recovery centers" angle?

Coldfusion

I don't think it is necessary to go into that much detail, especially if the details are not totally true. You might want to read up on anonymity in AA; for example, it is against the spirit of the traditions to ask for special consideration at work in order to attend meetings.

http://www.aa.org/assets/en_US/p-47_...ganonymity.pdf

SoberRunner

I was just re-reading my previous response and thought, "Why do we, as humans, feel the need to explain things to people and/or try to give people an answer we think they'd accept?" I'm not too much older than you but it wasn't until I was 32 that I finally gained enough confidence (within myself) and no longer felt the need to try to give "acceptable" answers...

I say all of that to say: I understand where you're coming from, as do a lot of fellow new comers on SR. There are plenty of threads from various members asking similar questions. That said, I guess if that answer makes you comfortable then that's the answer you can give them. For now. (Although, I think even mentioning "volunteering in recovery" will result in 'raised brows' and more questions.)

Or, you can use this as an opportunity to gain confidence and stand firm in what your interests are and who you are as a person... minus telling them you're in AA. I also agree with the other poster--you can use this as an opportunity to find new things to do. Have you tried meetup? I think that'd be a great start...

Caldus

OK, maybe leave out the recovery aspect of the volunteering and stick to just volunteering? I have done some volunteering that wasn't directly related to AA but only a few times in the past. I know what you're trying to say though ... just be you and don't worry if people make fun of you because you seem boring or uninteresting or something else.

SoberRunner

Yes, saying you volunteer is a great answer!
And, yes--just be you. In my experience, the only people who consider other people "boring" are those who are obsessed with the party lifestyle and/or people who are obsessed with trying to get you to drink with them. Either way, you're sober so you don't need those type of people in your life anyway.

uncle holmes

Lets see. Bruce Jenner comes out and announces he's a transgender and even wins an award for it and gets congratulated by the president of the United States!

Just some other well known people who admit or admitted they are or were alcoholics and go to AA:

Stephen King, Robin Williams (dead), Ben Affleck, Michael J. Fox, Jamie Lee Curtis, Diana Ross, Mel Gibson, Johnny Depp, Mickey Mantle (dead), Billie Holiday, Eminem, Anthony Hopkins, Daniel Radcliffe (Harry Potter), Steven Tyler, Robert Downey Jr, Kristen Davis, Leonard Nimoy, Alec Baldwin, Elton John, Charlie Watts, Nick Nolte, Melanie Griffith, Ewan McGregor, David Hasselhoff, Samuel L. Jackson........

Most of these people moved up in their careers even after admitting they were alcoholics and go to AA. It all depends if they did something about it and remain sober.

It is an anonymous program and yes, people have the right to not tell anyone at work. And if that works for them then that's what they should do.

From my experience when I eventually told other people at work I'm an alcoholic and go to AA, I've had mostly positive feedback and even congratulated for doing something about it.

And the best part is it eliminated much anxiety about keeping it a secret.

Keep in mind I do not tell people this before or right after I get hired. I first focus on making sure I can do the job and get a little established first. And I make sure I'm a good worker. Then I gradually mention to co-workers that I used to drink a lot and go to AA. when talking about non-work related stuff.

If you show you can do the job and are a hard worker, admitting you go to AA shouldn't be a problem.

Latte

Bottom line, it's going to be your choice. What I have found is that people are going to judge you. Do you care if they judge you? I really worry about setting myself up for failure by telling people. I wish it was different but until the stigma is gone-we will be judged.

uncle holmes

What I've found is most people aren't going to care as long as you're getting your work done, are a good worker, and live up to your responsibility of staying sober.

In fact the wise employer knows that some of the best workers are in recovery! Many people in recovery feel as though they need to make up for lost time.

The employer doesn't have to worry about them being hungover, high on the job, coming in late or missing work from drinking and getting high.

Berrybean

I like the 'meeting friends for coffee and a chat' explanation. It's pretty much true anyway, and that's what we do at AA.

I think there's a possibility that you're a little over-concerned about the image you're projecting at your new job. Just focus on doing your best job, and be friendly when you meet people. If you want to keep it vague you can get involved in the conversation by asking people about themselves. That's a much better way to make friends anyway, and a good way to suss out which ones (as people who aren't the biggest party animals) might be less dangerous choices for closer friendships in the future. And it's always worth remembering to avoid comparing your insides with other people's outsides!

Good luck in your new job.

Gottalife

I faced the same issue once and an old timer said to me "why tell them about a problem that is not a problem?" So I never did, unless it would serve the purpose of helping another alcoholic.

AA was never meant to be a lifestyle in itself but rather a means to rejoin the human race. Having commenced working the AA program for living, many other doors opened and many other opportunities in the social sense came along. Sailing became my big interest. I remain a committed member of AA but my life includes plenty of other activity out in the world. I am never short of something t talk about other than AA. As I write this I am sitting on my boat in a quiet anchorage in Alor, Indonesia, having sailed here with my partner, over the last few months. What an adventure, all possible with God and AA.

mick3580

Important to make sure readers know that your residence is on New Zealand. That makes it clear you're living a miracle.

tomsteve

I was asked before what i do outside of work. It was my first summer sober and i was hitting a lot of meetings. My simple,short reply was:
Whatever i feel like doing.
When pushed as to what that involved:
Depends on the day.

Simple reason for it- i keep my personal life out of my work life .

uncle holmes

I'm obviously in the minority on this topic of revealing at work that you're an alcoholic and go to AA. I certainly don't go around broadcasting it. I wait till I get to know the people who I tell a little better before I reveal it.

I don't tell everyone at work. Some people I wouldn't feel comfortable telling it to. To me it's a freeing experience to the people who I do tell at work. I find that once I tell them this they're usually surprised at first. They seem to think I'm an interesting person after I tell them this and the response is usually good cause they feel I'm honest about telling them this.

Many of the people who I do tell know of a family member or friend who has the same problem. I never tell people of the dui's or any other trouble that I got into. I never tell which meetings I go to. Sometimes I say I'm an alcoholic. Other times I say I used to drink way too much and can't do it any longer and am now in AA.

Some of the people I'll even mention AA slogans such as "one day at a time". Or that's what sober stands for - son of a biatch everything's real! They usually laugh and get a chuckle.

I feel as though they admire me for telling them this and they think I'm an interesting person. It seems to be a freeing experience for both me and them.

Another reason why I do it is cause it's not about me. Maybe, just maybe they might think that if I can do it maybe they or someone else they know can do it too.