sugarbear1

Did you say anything directly to this person when you were talking as to why he mentioned and broke the other guy's anonymity?

ru12

Sugar, no I didn't. This guy asked me what I did for a living and where I worked. I told him. Then if asked if I know "Bob" (except the real name is not common at all) as he works at the same place and has the same profession and he is in AA. I said yea I know him. Then I excused myself to get coffee. That was about it. I didn't know if this was normal practice or not.

silentrun

I wouldn't like that either. I have sat in on one meeting and might go again someday. It would be like world's colliding for me because I knew the guy from work. If he asked if I knew someone from another meeting that would be fine but not work.

2muchpain

If you really want to talk about problems with anonymity, try going to meetings where there are kids around, and you work with kids in that community. Kids are not known for keeping secrets, no matter what their parents tell them.
I walked out of a meeting the other day, because a kid was there.
Unfortunately, the community I work in is huge, so, I'd have to drive to another county to get away from this problem.

ru12

Yea. My feelings too.

DoubleBarrel

So, ALL THREE of the people in the story are members? I fail to see the problem.

silentrun

Not that it would be a problem just unsettling for someone who doesn't go to a lot of meetings.

schnappi99

I think the anonymity thing is hard to get right sometimes... I saw a guy from work at an open AA mtg, and another from my RAW's outpatient rehab. My boss is 20yrs in AA, though I'm alanon we often talk shop, she mentioned once she could put together a pretty good AA meeting any given day of the week just from other people she knows from work. The trick seems to be restraint of pen and tongue like BillW said, given that its the easiest thing ever to talk about others you know and find common ground.

A good friend of mine at work got his 1yr chip in AA back in August, he walked in on my boss and I once during a "shop talk" session of ours- the introduction was delicate though neither of them had a problem being clear about their AA involvement so it didn't become an issue. OTOH if either or both weren't comfortable I can well imagine difficulty.. which I guess is why anonymity is made such a priority.

RumHound

UNDERSTANDING ANONYMITY

"Anonymity is the spiritual foundation of all our Traditions, ever reminding us to place principles before personalities."

What is the purpose of anonymity in Alcoholics Anonymous? Why is it often referred to as the greatest single protection the Fellowship has to assure its continued existence and growth?

If we look at the history of A.A., from its beginning in 1935 until now, it is clear that anonymity serves two different yet equally vital functions:

At the personal level, anonymity provides protection for all members from identification as alcoholics, a safeguard often of special importance to newcomers.

At the level of press, radio, TV, films and new media technologies such as the Internet, anonymity stresses the equality in the Fellowship of all members by putting the brake on those who might otherwise exploit their A.A. affiliation to achieve recognition, power, or personal gain.

--AA pamphlet introductory paragraphs--

ru12

I'm not a member of AA. I was at an open meeting. See the problem now?

biminiblue

Okay, but if you self-identify and don't want to drink, how is it that people would know you don't consider yourself a "member"?

I would think by going to meetings as an alcoholic you would understand that people would consider you a member - since the only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking.

I believe you are seriously over-thinking this. If you don't want to be part of AA, don't go to meetings.

Tommyh

anonymity has 2 things in AA
inside AA and outside AA
we are never to tell anyone outside AA
but inside AA it is different as you found out.
now,at a open meeting,how did they know you are a alcoholic?Or maybe they thought you might be there because you know someone with a drinking problem.

sounds like a resentment

awuh1

I'll sometimes speak about someone who is part of the fellowship, and is not present. I do this only when I know the person I am talking about, and I know their position regarding their own personal anonymity. Many people in AA just don't care if other people know about their involvement in AA. If I know this to be the case, there is no point in protecting their anonymity. None is desired.

On the other hand, if I don't know a persons position regarding their personal anonymity, I will not mention them to nonmembers or people I'm unsure about (such as those who might be attending an open meeting).

Many members who have been in the program a long time could care less who knows it. In fact many of them make it a point to speak of their involvement in AA because it serves to lessen the societal stigma against alcoholism and recovery. In addition, this gives them greater opportunity to help others.

It seems to me that the person who disclosed the name of your coworker is in the wrong only if that coworker does not want their name disclosed in that context. If its not a problem for them then this thread is a sort of tempest in a teapot (at least regarding this specific case).

I would mention what happened to your coworker. If he is unhappy about it, then he can address it with the person who disclosed his name. If he is ok with it, then no harm done, and your assumption that there is a problem is unfounded.

Regarding the societal stigma and alcoholism, I would recommend the documentary "The Anonymous People". It is NOT an AA affiliated film but has some interesting ideas on the entire subject of anonymity. This documentary changed my view on MY OWN PERSONAL anonymity. Here is the trailer ==> The Anonymous People - Official Trailer - YouTube

sugarbear1

I've learned that my life is an open book today. That maybe my story will help someone, no matter how they find out I am sober. I am not ashamed of my past today. I am grateful to be alive and present for life.

desypete

i watched that trailer and the women who spoke at the end who said, she refuses to be ashamed of what she is and she will tell who she dam well wants to, it lost the argument for me
its shown me a women who is on a mission to get her own way, instead of changing herself she wants to change the world, typical behavior of untreated ism.

its very unattractive and it really doesn't help convince me she is real and sincere or caring about others.

so it would get a huge thumbs down from me as i believe its nonsense

awuh1

Desy, I feel exactly the same way she does, but I don't want to change the world, just my little corner of it. If she wants to change the world, more power to her. Perhaps if you were open minded enough to see the film you might think differently. Reviewing a film before you see it is not typically the wisest thing to do.

ru12

[QUOTE=biminiblue; If you don't want to be part of AA, don't go to meetings.[/QUOTE]

Good advice. I usually don't. And probably won't in the future. Thanks for all who took the time to post.

desypete

the problem is i am an alcoholic my friend and i have a bad habbit of getting stuck into things that i believe with a passion and i lose sight of the real world, its taken me many years to wake up to myself and see my behaviours as part of my problem in living life in peace

aa works just fine as it is and it has done so for the last 80 odd years so i dont really think i know best over what has stood the test of time

dont get me wrong i once wanted to change aa for all manner of reasons, they should kick certain people out for example, or they shouldnt do this or that
until it was pointed out to me that i should mind my own business about aa and how aa was there before me and be there long after me

the bloody cheek of them all lol
the also told me i am not that important to anyone and that its only me who thinks i am so important lol
that was another kick in the guts for me
but they were right i was on a mission to change everything else first before i was ready to do anything about changing me

i am open minded and have heard many arguments about it all but at the end of the day i can only do something about me and so long as i can remain sober i am ready to help others, not by coming out in the world and shouting from the roof tops or wanting to get a pat on the head for being an alcoholic

i just get out there and see who is in need and if i can help them i will, job done and no medals gained nor needed etc

i had the pleasure of seeing a guy who came through the prisons and got married yesterday after being 5 years sober his life has changed right around thanks to aa and i am so proud of my prison service work that helped this guy get into aa
it proves to me just how much aa can and does change peoples lives around, and i mean for those right at the bottom of the barrel the ones that no one else will touch or try to help etc

so if aa is reaching out already to places even like prison then there really isnt an anon problem like is being made out

as for me being closed minded ? if i dont agree with you its because i am closed minded ?
if thats not a closed argument then i dont know what is

i am not closed minded i have a lot of practical experience as well as my own personal experience to draw from

if its not broke then there is no need to fix it
if you can show me that aa is broken then i might reconsider but as it stands aa is as good now as its always been it saves people lives, its often the last place anyone will go to for help but that ok its still around and doing well,

RumHound

Unfortunate.

DoubleBarrel

Are you an alcoholic?