ru12

So, I sometimes go to open AA meetings. I'm not sure why, I guess I get something out of sitting with other people with some of the same issues that I have. I usually just sit and don't interact much. Well last week someone sat next to me and began to small talk. What I do, where I work, how long I've been sober (weird since it was an open meeting), but nothing to extreme. I answer honestly for some reason. . . again not sure why he is asking me this stuff. Anyway, he then asks me if I know someone as he works where I do and he is an AA. And you know what, I was bothered that he just outed this person. Yes I do know him, and yes he is a colleague and we are friends. I just was appalled that he was dropping my friends name. I knew that the guy didn't drink, but never really questioned it, but now I know that he is AA... and I'm sure this guy is going to tell my friend that he saw me there. I'm not embarrassed by me being there, but really. What does the second "A" in "AA" mean again?

Thanks.

awuh1

We are anonymous, but not with each other.

Isn't it possible that the friend you have from work could have attended the meeting himself?

ru12

I wouldn't be surprised if he attended the same meeting. But why tell me?

RumHound

I would not appreciate some A.A. chatterbox outing a colleague to me or me to a colleague.


--Excerpt from A.A.'s "Understanding Anonymity" pamphlet.--

Experience suggests that A.A. members:

Respect the right of other members to maintain their own anonymity at whatever levels they wish.

ru12

That's the way I feel too Rumhound.

Hawks

Oh that is terrible, how dare he.

You tell him from me, if you ever speak to him again, he has no right to sit with you and try to get to know you better.

And... If he insists on trying to get to know you better, he needs to brush up on his approach... It simply won't do...
If he cannot try to get to know you and do a 100% perfect job of it.... He really needs to just not try at all.

Harrummmpphhhh!!!

anattaboy

It's just bad form to speak of others unless they are present.

Hawks

Would that include posting on SR about people who aren't members of SR?

RumHound

And your full name is? And you're interviewing this week with which company?

Hawks

The underlying cause of this thread is breaking anonymity

That would be breaking anonymity RH.

ru12

Hawk, you seem to be saying it is just fine to break anonymity. Is that what you are advocating? And why the sarcasm?

Hawks

Who is to say the "breaker" was not given permission to break?

In the name of trying to help the OP get more comfortable in AA.

anattaboy

I didn't understand that either but yes, the person was either not well versed on the anonymity part of the program or they were trying to gather info or...who knows. The point is one does not need to reciprocate and can move or tell said person where to get off (politely). It's not AA but it is human-don't drink over it.

ru12

Atta, I just shook my head after he outed my colleague and excused myself to get more coffee. I returned to a different seat across the room. And I certainly won't drink over it. I haven't drank in a few years.

audra

My post might get deleted -

I haven't had at all good experiences with groups. I'm sorry maybe it's my area i live in. Always be discerning while in a group - never disclose yourself too openly.

That's my adivce. If I get this deleted that's OK. Just my experience.

heath480

I would say that was not adhering to the yellow card.Do you use that in your meetings?

desypete

why was you in an aa open meeting ?

do you have a drink problem ? can aa help you at all ?

how do you know this guy is from aa ? he might of just been someone who likes going to aa open meetings like you and not a member of aa so he wouldnt know anything at all about anonymity would he ?

unless of course your assuming he is from aa just because he was in the same meeting as you,
i guess he assumed you was in aa and dared to speak to you

the mind boggles at what people find to complain about in life it really does

if you have a drink problem please give aa a try for help should you need it but if all your interested in is trying to find faults with aa then why bother ? take it from me aa will never be perfect and if you want to find faults with it there are far more faults in aa than someone happening to mention a friend who he assumed was your friend also

i wonder what you will find to complain about aa next ? as something tells me there will be more posts about things in aa from you in the future

ru12

Pete,

I was at an open meeting because I'm not an AA member, I don't follow its program, but sometimes I like to be with others with alcohol issues. The rest of your post really has nothing to do with the question I raised. I don't expect AA to be perfect, but I thought it wasn't proper form to out members of AA (in an open meeting no less). It wouldn't surprise me if I was misinformed about what anonymity means to AA.

desypete

i go to meetings all over my area and outside of my area to, when members know i am from my area they might politely ask me if i know such and such a member and if i say yes we have a good old chat and laugh about them

its not breaking anonymity between members and there certainly not outing them by asking me do i know them

i am well known around my area as i am quite active in aa and have been for over 10 years
you will hear many a name mentioned in aa meetings over the table normaly from people who have been helped by such and such a memeber and they name them in a way to thank them for there help

is that breaking Anonymity

i guess if you want to go by the letter of the law it might be seen as breaking a members anonymity but its not and i dont think you would find any members of aa who would raise it up as a topic or a breech

i went to wedding last night of a friend i have helped come from prison to getting a new life thanks to aa
this guy mentioned me and others who have helped him get were he is today. its all about putting things into a simple context i honestly dont feel the guy who tried to help you and have a chat with you was doing anything wrong

it was just friendly chat like many do and seeing if we might know the same people again like many people do in firendly chat
it certainly not an outing like your making out

but if your really that concerned about it then please speak to the guy who you feel has been outed and tell him what has happend that would be the best bet.

ru12

Thanks Pete. It's good to get a better idea of what anonymity means to members of AA. I was mistaken... Not the first time that has happened.