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Resentments are the "number one" offender?

Old 06-10-2011, 06:11 AM
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Hi AD-

I found that I really didn't even know what a resentement was, even when I looked up the definition.

I had to keep an open mind that this was true and as I got farther along in the steps, I then begin to understand.

Resentments are our #1 offender.

Re. To "re-think". Ever think of things over and over again and manipulate the facts and memories until you are the winner?

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Old 06-10-2011, 06:28 AM
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Unfortunate. Anti has a had a raging resentment against AA in nearly everything he posts. Lately he has seemed a bit more open-minded. The unfortunate part is that he can't see how that resentment (and others) is preventing him from getting sober.

It's not that I pick up a drink over a particular resentment. It's that when, locked in that anger, I am blocked off from the sunlight of the spirit. And me, blocked from that power, is sure to drink. It doesn't take any particular reason at all.
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Old 06-10-2011, 06:34 AM
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Wink

Originally Posted by Antiderivative View Post
Sorry, but I disagree. Everytime I went out is because life became good and I didn't know how to handle it.

The idea that I need a resentment to drink is foreign to me. However, this pushes me on the outskirts of AA. I need to be an angry and bitter drunk in order to be apart of AA. I need resentments in order to be apart of AA.

I don't need a resentment to drink. I am an alcoholic. It doesn't make sense that resentments are our number one offender, but perhaps I am an aberration.

I just don't understand. Perhaps this is why many people have told me that I don't belong in AA.
Antiderivative: i believe you do belong.. i have met many different types of alcohoics during my time in and around A.A. it is a wide enough door for almost anyone to fit. keep on fighting the good fight brother..
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Old 06-10-2011, 06:54 AM
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Sometimes sadness is an expression of repressed anger. There can be any number of reasons to drink. Which shut out the sunlight of the spirit and can lead a person to drink. We all belong.
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Old 06-10-2011, 10:06 AM
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Originally Posted by recoverywfaith View Post
There can be any number of reasons to drink.
Not according to the BB. The BB tells us that we drink due to spite. It is our number one offender.

I am not this kind of alcoholic. Sure, I have my petty resentments, but I don't need them in order to pick up a drink. No wonder, my last sponsor said I am not an alcoholic. I don't carry around long lasting resentments. Resentments are what makes an alcoholic, an alcoholic.

I also don't believe that my own personal deity will save me. Hence, making me more of an outcast.
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Old 06-10-2011, 10:08 AM
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Hi AD-

Ever think of things over and over again and manipulate the facts and memories until you are the winner?

Kjell~
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Old 06-10-2011, 10:10 AM
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Valid point on the resentments. In the big book it also states a drink can occur even on our greatest days.
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Old 06-10-2011, 10:13 AM
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Originally Posted by Antiderivative View Post
Not according to the BB. The BB tells us that we drink due to spite. It is our number one offender.

I am not this kind of alcoholic. Sure, I have my petty resentments, but I don't need them in order to pick up a drink. No wonder, my last sponsor said I am not an alcoholic. I don't carry around long lasting resentments. Resentments are what makes an alcoholic, an alcoholic.
Oh AD.... C'mon...

If you want to constantly poke holes in AA, you will. You'll always be able to find something that just doesn't specifically apply to you, therefore you are different and unique.

...but how does that help you?

It's pretty clear that you've got a resentment against AA

Solutions are outside of your own brain. Can't you see that? Hasn't it been proven to you enough?

I say this all with kindness b/c I want you to get better, but if you keep fighting it and yourself, it just ain't gonna happen.

How many days do you have left? Wanna waste them on this struggle? Or wanna be happy, joyous, and free?

The choice is yours, but you gotta ease up a bit.

Kjell~
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Old 06-10-2011, 10:16 AM
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You are not the outcast you (like to?) think you are...

I think I remember your discussions about a higher power... they were pretty good posts... you know as well as I do that what you've said you believe is enough...

WTF is really goin' on AD?
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Old 06-10-2011, 10:25 AM
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Originally Posted by Kjell View Post
I say this all with kindness b/c I want you to get better, but if you keep fighting it and yourself, it just ain't gonna happen.
Honestly, I do not want to go against the grain, but I am just being honest. I don't need a resentment to drink. In fact, resentments are at the bottom of my barrel as an excuse to drink.

I want to get better, but I find myself at direct odds with A.A. over resentments and over the fact that a personal deity will intervene on my behalf.
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Old 06-10-2011, 10:32 AM
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Mark75: WTF is really goin' on AD?

I have the exact same question. Susan
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Old 06-10-2011, 10:34 AM
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Originally Posted by susanlauren View Post
Mark75: WTF is really goin' on AD?

I have the exact same question. Susan
I don't feel reconciled with AA. That is what is going on.
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Old 06-10-2011, 10:54 AM
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Alcoholics drink because they like the sense of ease and comfort that comes by taking a few drinks. We like the effects of alcohol. Any reason and even no reason will do as an excuse to drink. Resentments block us off from accessing the power we need that will solve our drinking problem. That's what resentments do. Fear does that too.

There is no need for a personal diety to access that needed power. There is no need for a rescuing diety either. All that is necessary is a belief or even a willingness to believe in a power greater than oneself. Surely you are not the highest power that exists in your world. Plenty of athiests and agnostics are successful members of AA.

Usually when folks are struggling with any other step, the real problem is that they have not fully accepted and conceded their powerlessness in step one. Maybe you should go back and look at step one. Have you lost power, choice and control over alcohol and over your drinking? Is sobriety and recovery a matter of life or death for you?

AD, this game is for keeps. You don't want to end up like your 25 year old friend who was fit and healthy as could be and then dead as dead could be from a relapse. Susan
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Old 06-10-2011, 10:58 AM
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Originally Posted by susanlauren View Post
Alcoholics drink because they like the sense of ease and comfort that comes by taking a few drinks. We like the effects of alcohol.
I don't, but that doesn't stop my mind from telling me otherwise. Do you honestly believe that having the Four Horsemen breathing down your neck numerous times is an example of drinking for the effect?

AD, this game is for keeps. You don't want to end up like your 25 year old friend who was fit and healthy as could be and then dead as dead could be from a relapse. Susan
Threats of death do not scare me. In fact, it makes me more of an outcast. Have you ever drank to the point where death was welcomed?
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Old 06-10-2011, 11:06 AM
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Originally Posted by Antiderivative View Post

Have you ever drank to the point where death was welcomed?
No. Since I don't have experience with that, I don't have anything to say. I did get to a place where I didn't care too much.

Get some help, OK? Rehab, ER, Salvation Army... you have to reach out for it though.
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Old 06-10-2011, 11:14 AM
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Nah, you're just like me.

A "run of the mill" alcoholic who couldn't stop drinking on his own.

All the "ands, ifs, butts" and exceptions are purely ego driven and I know this from my own expeirence as I've been there. I can see it in others and sometimes read it on here.

If what you have is more important that what AA offers, then no need to keep picking a fight with it, move on to another program and get well for good. AA will be there if you decide to return.

You're worth it my friend.

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Old 06-10-2011, 11:20 AM
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Originally Posted by Kjell View Post
Nah, you're just like me.

A "run of the mill" alcoholic who couldn't stop drinking on his own.

All the "ands, ifs, butts" and exceptions are purely ego driven and I know this from my own expeirence as I've been there. I can see it in others and sometimes read it on here.

If what you have is more important that what AA offers, then no need to keep picking a fight with it, move on to another program and get well for good. AA will be there if you decide to return.

You're worth it my friend.

Kjell~

lol....you build up the importance of humility, then justify it with a myopic view of A.A.

However, you are right. Numerous people have told me that A.A. isn't for me. I am not a spiteful drunk and a god believer.

Perhaps, I should look for outside solutions, even though I do love the fellowship. It tears me apart.
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Old 06-10-2011, 11:25 AM
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Actually, AD, there is a fate worse than death. I am reminded of it every time I visit my brother and see my 85 year old uncle who lives with him. My uncle suffers from the syndrome that end stage alcoholic get. It is not a pretty picture. He can't care for himself, he doesn't know who any of us are, he is constantly falling because his gait is unsteady from the damage to his brain, he is incontinent, and the list goes on. My uncle was not lucky enough to die. He nearly died during alcohol withdrawal, but thanks to excellent medical care, he pulled through. What is truly sad is that if my uncle had stopped drinking, he would have been able to maintain his independence and live on his own. He loved the bottle too much to stop. I am not trying to frighten you with death. There is living hell and living dead too. That I think is more frightening than actual physical death itself. You are young, you have choices. Why would you not choose to live, really live, a life that is sober, happy and free? It can be yours if you are willing to do the work. What has caused you to go to such a dark and negative place? Susan
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Old 06-10-2011, 11:30 AM
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Originally Posted by susanlauren View Post
Actually, AD, there is a fate worse than death. I am reminded of it every time I visit my brother and see my 85 year old uncle who lives with him. My uncle suffers from the syndrome that end stage alcoholic get. It is not a pretty picture. He can't care for himself, he doesn't know who any of us are, he is constantly falling because his gait is unsteady from the damage to his brain, he is incontinent, and the list goes on. My uncle was not lucky enough to die. He nearly died during alcohol withdrawal, but thanks to excellent medical care, he pulled through. What is truly sad is that if my uncle had stopped drinking, he would have been able to maintain his independence and live on his own. He loved the bottle too much to stop. I am not trying to frighten you with death. There is living hell and living dead too. That I think is more frightening than actual physical death itself. You are young, you have choices. Why would you not choose to live, really live, a life that is sober, happy and free? It can be yours if you are willing to do the work. What has caused you to go to such a dark and negative place? Susan
Huh? Dying at 85 due to alcoholism sounds like a good deal. Your point is?
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Old 06-10-2011, 11:34 AM
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AD, In answer to your question, No, I have not drank to the point where death would be welcomed. What I have done is maintained abstinence on my own strength and willpower all the while suffering from untreated alcoholism. I finally reached a point of such misery and despair while sober (i.e., suffering from untreated alcoholism) that I was ready to start the car in the garage with the garage door closed. I don't have to live (and risk dying) like that ever again. Nor do you. Susan
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