Resentments are the "number one" offender?
i've done my almost
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Atlanta, GA
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Hi AD-
I found that I really didn't even know what a resentement was, even when I looked up the definition.
I had to keep an open mind that this was true and as I got farther along in the steps, I then begin to understand.
Resentments are our #1 offender.
Re. To "re-think". Ever think of things over and over again and manipulate the facts and memories until you are the winner?
Kjell~
I found that I really didn't even know what a resentement was, even when I looked up the definition.
I had to keep an open mind that this was true and as I got farther along in the steps, I then begin to understand.
Resentments are our #1 offender.
Re. To "re-think". Ever think of things over and over again and manipulate the facts and memories until you are the winner?
Kjell~
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Join Date: Apr 2009
Posts: 3,095
Unfortunate. Anti has a had a raging resentment against AA in nearly everything he posts. Lately he has seemed a bit more open-minded. The unfortunate part is that he can't see how that resentment (and others) is preventing him from getting sober.
It's not that I pick up a drink over a particular resentment. It's that when, locked in that anger, I am blocked off from the sunlight of the spirit. And me, blocked from that power, is sure to drink. It doesn't take any particular reason at all.
It's not that I pick up a drink over a particular resentment. It's that when, locked in that anger, I am blocked off from the sunlight of the spirit. And me, blocked from that power, is sure to drink. It doesn't take any particular reason at all.
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Originally Posted by Antiderivative 
Sorry, but I disagree. Everytime I went out is because life became good and I didn't know how to handle it.
The idea that I need a resentment to drink is foreign to me. However, this pushes me on the outskirts of AA. I need to be an angry and bitter drunk in order to be apart of AA. I need resentments in order to be apart of AA.
I don't need a resentment to drink. I am an alcoholic. It doesn't make sense that resentments are our number one offender, but perhaps I am an aberration.
I just don't understand. Perhaps this is why many people have told me that I don't belong in AA.
The idea that I need a resentment to drink is foreign to me. However, this pushes me on the outskirts of AA. I need to be an angry and bitter drunk in order to be apart of AA. I need resentments in order to be apart of AA.
I don't need a resentment to drink. I am an alcoholic. It doesn't make sense that resentments are our number one offender, but perhaps I am an aberration.
I just don't understand. Perhaps this is why many people have told me that I don't belong in AA.
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Originally Posted by recoverywfaith
There can be any number of reasons to drink.
I am not this kind of alcoholic. Sure, I have my petty resentments, but I don't need them in order to pick up a drink. No wonder, my last sponsor said I am not an alcoholic. I don't carry around long lasting resentments. Resentments are what makes an alcoholic, an alcoholic.
I also don't believe that my own personal deity will save me. Hence, making me more of an outcast.
i've done my almost
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Atlanta, GA
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Originally Posted by Antiderivative
Not according to the BB. The BB tells us that we drink due to spite. It is our number one offender.
I am not this kind of alcoholic. Sure, I have my petty resentments, but I don't need them in order to pick up a drink. No wonder, my last sponsor said I am not an alcoholic. I don't carry around long lasting resentments. Resentments are what makes an alcoholic, an alcoholic.
I am not this kind of alcoholic. Sure, I have my petty resentments, but I don't need them in order to pick up a drink. No wonder, my last sponsor said I am not an alcoholic. I don't carry around long lasting resentments. Resentments are what makes an alcoholic, an alcoholic.
If you want to constantly poke holes in AA, you will. You'll always be able to find something that just doesn't specifically apply to you, therefore you are different and unique.
...but how does that help you?
It's pretty clear that you've got a resentment against AA
Solutions are outside of your own brain. Can't you see that? Hasn't it been proven to you enough?
I say this all with kindness b/c I want you to get better, but if you keep fighting it and yourself, it just ain't gonna happen.
How many days do you have left? Wanna waste them on this struggle? Or wanna be happy, joyous, and free?
The choice is yours, but you gotta ease up a bit.
Kjell~
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Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 6,947
You are not the outcast you (like to?) think you are... 
I think I remember your discussions about a higher power... they were pretty good posts... you know as well as I do that what you've said you believe is enough...
WTF is really goin' on AD?
I think I remember your discussions about a higher power... they were pretty good posts... you know as well as I do that what you've said you believe is enough...
WTF is really goin' on AD?
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Originally Posted by Kjell
I say this all with kindness b/c I want you to get better, but if you keep fighting it and yourself, it just ain't gonna happen.
I want to get better, but I find myself at direct odds with A.A. over resentments and over the fact that a personal deity will intervene on my behalf.
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Location: Columbus, Ohio
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Alcoholics drink because they like the sense of ease and comfort that comes by taking a few drinks. We like the effects of alcohol. Any reason and even no reason will do as an excuse to drink. Resentments block us off from accessing the power we need that will solve our drinking problem. That's what resentments do. Fear does that too.
There is no need for a personal diety to access that needed power. There is no need for a rescuing diety either. All that is necessary is a belief or even a willingness to believe in a power greater than oneself. Surely you are not the highest power that exists in your world. Plenty of athiests and agnostics are successful members of AA.
Usually when folks are struggling with any other step, the real problem is that they have not fully accepted and conceded their powerlessness in step one. Maybe you should go back and look at step one. Have you lost power, choice and control over alcohol and over your drinking? Is sobriety and recovery a matter of life or death for you?
AD, this game is for keeps. You don't want to end up like your 25 year old friend who was fit and healthy as could be and then dead as dead could be from a relapse. Susan
There is no need for a personal diety to access that needed power. There is no need for a rescuing diety either. All that is necessary is a belief or even a willingness to believe in a power greater than oneself. Surely you are not the highest power that exists in your world. Plenty of athiests and agnostics are successful members of AA.
Usually when folks are struggling with any other step, the real problem is that they have not fully accepted and conceded their powerlessness in step one. Maybe you should go back and look at step one. Have you lost power, choice and control over alcohol and over your drinking? Is sobriety and recovery a matter of life or death for you?
AD, this game is for keeps. You don't want to end up like your 25 year old friend who was fit and healthy as could be and then dead as dead could be from a relapse. Susan
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Originally Posted by susanlauren
Alcoholics drink because they like the sense of ease and comfort that comes by taking a few drinks. We like the effects of alcohol.
AD, this game is for keeps. You don't want to end up like your 25 year old friend who was fit and healthy as could be and then dead as dead could be from a relapse. Susan
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Originally Posted by Antiderivative
Have you ever drank to the point where death was welcomed?
Get some help, OK? Rehab, ER, Salvation Army... you have to reach out for it though.
i've done my almost
Join Date: Aug 2009
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Nah, you're just like me.
A "run of the mill" alcoholic who couldn't stop drinking on his own.
All the "ands, ifs, butts" and exceptions are purely ego driven and I know this from my own expeirence as I've been there. I can see it in others and sometimes read it on here.
If what you have is more important that what AA offers, then no need to keep picking a fight with it, move on to another program and get well for good. AA will be there if you decide to return.
You're worth it my friend.
Kjell~
A "run of the mill" alcoholic who couldn't stop drinking on his own.
All the "ands, ifs, butts" and exceptions are purely ego driven and I know this from my own expeirence as I've been there. I can see it in others and sometimes read it on here.
If what you have is more important that what AA offers, then no need to keep picking a fight with it, move on to another program and get well for good. AA will be there if you decide to return.
You're worth it my friend.
Kjell~
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Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 395
Originally Posted by Kjell
Nah, you're just like me.
A "run of the mill" alcoholic who couldn't stop drinking on his own.
All the "ands, ifs, butts" and exceptions are purely ego driven and I know this from my own expeirence as I've been there. I can see it in others and sometimes read it on here.
If what you have is more important that what AA offers, then no need to keep picking a fight with it, move on to another program and get well for good. AA will be there if you decide to return.
You're worth it my friend.
Kjell~
A "run of the mill" alcoholic who couldn't stop drinking on his own.
All the "ands, ifs, butts" and exceptions are purely ego driven and I know this from my own expeirence as I've been there. I can see it in others and sometimes read it on here.
If what you have is more important that what AA offers, then no need to keep picking a fight with it, move on to another program and get well for good. AA will be there if you decide to return.
You're worth it my friend.
Kjell~
lol....you build up the importance of humility, then justify it with a myopic view of A.A.
However, you are right. Numerous people have told me that A.A. isn't for me. I am not a spiteful drunk and a god believer.
Perhaps, I should look for outside solutions, even though I do love the fellowship. It tears me apart.
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Actually, AD, there is a fate worse than death. I am reminded of it every time I visit my brother and see my 85 year old uncle who lives with him. My uncle suffers from the syndrome that end stage alcoholic get. It is not a pretty picture. He can't care for himself, he doesn't know who any of us are, he is constantly falling because his gait is unsteady from the damage to his brain, he is incontinent, and the list goes on. My uncle was not lucky enough to die. He nearly died during alcohol withdrawal, but thanks to excellent medical care, he pulled through. What is truly sad is that if my uncle had stopped drinking, he would have been able to maintain his independence and live on his own. He loved the bottle too much to stop. I am not trying to frighten you with death. There is living hell and living dead too. That I think is more frightening than actual physical death itself. You are young, you have choices. Why would you not choose to live, really live, a life that is sober, happy and free? It can be yours if you are willing to do the work. What has caused you to go to such a dark and negative place? Susan
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Originally Posted by susanlauren
Actually, AD, there is a fate worse than death. I am reminded of it every time I visit my brother and see my 85 year old uncle who lives with him. My uncle suffers from the syndrome that end stage alcoholic get. It is not a pretty picture. He can't care for himself, he doesn't know who any of us are, he is constantly falling because his gait is unsteady from the damage to his brain, he is incontinent, and the list goes on. My uncle was not lucky enough to die. He nearly died during alcohol withdrawal, but thanks to excellent medical care, he pulled through. What is truly sad is that if my uncle had stopped drinking, he would have been able to maintain his independence and live on his own. He loved the bottle too much to stop. I am not trying to frighten you with death. There is living hell and living dead too. That I think is more frightening than actual physical death itself. You are young, you have choices. Why would you not choose to live, really live, a life that is sober, happy and free? It can be yours if you are willing to do the work. What has caused you to go to such a dark and negative place? Susan
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AD, In answer to your question, No, I have not drank to the point where death would be welcomed. What I have done is maintained abstinence on my own strength and willpower all the while suffering from untreated alcoholism. I finally reached a point of such misery and despair while sober (i.e., suffering from untreated alcoholism) that I was ready to start the car in the garage with the garage door closed. I don't have to live (and risk dying) like that ever again. Nor do you. Susan
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