CAPTAINZING2000

My cousin had 19 years sober. Not sure how long he'd not been going to meetings. Turns out , I learned from my mom, he'd been drinking for a year. he, got nailed for a DUI on his birthday Christmas Eve.

Are you more apt to get edgy when, you don't go to meetings or, afraid you might get lazy and slip back into old behaviors?

laurie6781

When I found recovery, meetings did help me 'struggle' through each day. Meetings helped me 'hear' how the steps helped others.

For me meetings are NOT the program found in the first 164 pages of the BB of AA. I have seen folks with more recovery time than your cousin, who attended meetings regularly go out.

I attend meetings sporadically for a variety of reasons. I LIVE MY LIFE DAILY using the tools I was given so long ago. I do not believe that if I were to make the choice to drink again that a meeting would stop me.

J M H O

Love and hugs,

McGowdog

Sorry about your cousin Zing. I wrecked my first car on a December 27th about 25 years ago. Got a little trip to Washington House Detox and a six day treatment stay. Not a fun place to spend Happy New Year when you're 18. But I met my first college girl friend in there. Hey, if the world throws you lemons, make lemonade, right?

I stayed off of booze for about 8 months after that.

Meetings don't keep you sober, but if you're doing steps, you're probably going to at least some meetings in a years time, right?

Hope he can get back on the path and have a better time in 2010. What do we call the tens? We had the roarin' 20's...

navysteve

Meetings are not recovery that is true, but for me they are an essential element of recovery. We had a guy last night at our beginners meeting who had 32 years and hadn't been to a meeting in 4 years. He says he is sober and I have no reason to not believe him. But all the newbies that group last night that I spoke to all commented that he had nothing they wanted. He seemed quite angry. What was cool was that another oldtimer at the group knew him and exchanged numbers with him. He seemed genuinely happy to see this guy at a meeting. He kept saying its been too damn long.

I often times find myself not wanting to go to meetings. I know its more me than it is them. I get sick of all the nonsense in AA, but I have walked away for a long time before and I can't speak for anyone else but it truly had a negative effect on my recovery. I don't need the meeting per se, but I do need the newcomer in that meeting. And sometimes the sicker the meeting the better my purpose will be there ( That sounds sick doesn't it?). God gave me the gift of sobriety in AA. It only makes sense to me that he has plans for me in AA. I walked away like the snotty teenager and now I am home to stay ( still gonna cause some trouble now and then though!)

freya

Hey, Captain, so sorry to hear about your cousin. That's very scary and must be terribly hard for your whole family! I'll be praying for you all.

freya

Carol Star

I relapsed after 9 yrs.and I have 5 yrs.back. I had gotten complacent about going to meetings. Some of my AA friends had moved away. I started hanging around the wrong places and people. I was out 5yrs. It was progressive. Now that I am back I listen in meetings,do service,go to meetings ( I did 90 in 90 last summer and it didn't hurt me). I learned I cannot control it. I was right back into it fast. Now I don't do parties or holidays where it is. It is like the devil for me. I run. I hope your relative gets the desire to come back. It works if you live it!

24hrsAday

the first guy i talked to back in October of 89' at our A.A. club had just gone out Drinking After 13 Years of Sobriety.. he said he got Lazy. he made it Back (thank God) i know for Me the Meetings are Very Important.. though i Know they Won't Prevent Me From Drinking All By Themselves..

Rob B

Sorry to hear about your cousin Zing, I know what it's like to watch someone you care about go down the wrong path.

That being said, I go to meetings these days for one reason, to find a new man to help, like some others here, I have walked away from mainstream AA and have a home group that is focused on the Book. Helping others is the foundation stone of my recovery, I have ample opportunity to do this without ever having to step foot in a meeting.

My recovery is based on my relationship with God, I find unity in the group that I run with, and the spirit of the traditions that my wife and I try to incorporate into our marriage and lives. If I am awake to the present moment I have multiple opportunities everyday to be of service.

One of my teachers tells me AA is not a place he goes anymore, it's a way he lives. I know what he means now, I have had that experience.

FightingIrish

Word.

Stereosteveo

Ya sorry to hear about your cousin too Capt. So scarry. Cunning, baffling, powerful. The good news is he's got 19 years experience in knowing what actions to take now, and another year's experience in proving that it never gets beter.

I like what Rob said:

Kudos Rob! That's exactly what my first sponsor does.

I sponsor a few people, and my best in AA has definitley been one-one.

But being the good alcoholic I am I like to hang around mainstream AA and **** everyone off by reading right out of the book for 5 minutes when it's my turn to share...

I've been thinking a lot about what Chris Raymer says:
"I don't go to meetings to learn anything new, everything I really need to know about alcoholism is in the first 164 pages. I'm only there in respect for Tradition 5 in Carrying THE message to the alcoholic who STILL suffers."
I must say it's very humbling and challenging to carry THE message and not my own. Me and my moral and philisophical babble...

I still like the old saying "It's not what I can get from a meeting, but what I can take to it."

Also the worst meeting in town is probably the one I need to put the most effort into supporting.

But each group has it's own place and was formed for a reason. I liked the really off the wall meetings for a long time. You couldn't drag me into a BB meeting. Today it's just the opposite. But I have to be careful because I seek comfort just like a drug.

Comfort = Complacency = Drunk Again for me! If I "really" am anything like the relapsers that is. That's why I stay close to them. The longer I'm sober the more the disease seems to convince me I'm not like them.

Cunning, baffling, powerful.

CarolD

Yes....I too am sadden when anyone returns to drinking.
Prayers going out for this man and his family.

Since 4-89 I've made it a point to never go more than
5 days without a meeting. I make no distinctions as
to what type of meeting I attend tho I prefer OD.

The only time I ever hear the term mainstream AA is on here
From y'all's sharing...that's what I attend...

I've been dependant on other people for transportation for
5 years. That has been doable too.....because I truly
absolutely want to go to AA meetings.....

Do meetings keep me a recovered alcoholic? No.
But they do allow me the chance to
help someone else become one too. ..

Dee74

Prayers for your cousin, Zing.

D

Sober25

I stayed away from meetings many years of my recovery. Now that I have been back for a short while I realize it was a mistake to leave. Meetings don't keep me sober but they do help keep me sane and keep me from isolating.

rockworm

CAPTAIN, sorry to hear about your cousin and hopefully he can find his way back. I sobered up in 1985. I took the 12 steps as described in the Big Book and the obsession to drink was removed. I think this is important because during the last 24 years, I drifted away from AA a couple of times. In one case, I did not go to a meeting for over three years. I have no doubt I would have drank if the obsession had not been removed. I also have no doubt that the obsession would return had I taken even one drink.

I drifted away because I got tired of hearing the same old crap in the meetings. I was attending drunk-a-logs and **** and moan meetings (e.g. open discussion). Unfortunately, these types of meetings are most prevalent around here, then and now. In hindsight, the self-centredness started to return BEFORE I drifted away. I looked on these meetings as a waste of time. I would bring up something from the Big Book and the discussion would return back to whining. I got tired of it. During the periods I was away, the self-centredness increased. Essentially, the madness returns, but without the drink. Another thing is that the longer I stayed away, the more difficult it was to return. I felt guilt that I had not fulfilled stayed and I was worried about what members would think.

Eventually I came back, and returned to my old group. I came back because I knew I would feel better. However, meetings had not changed. I started to venture to other groups and found a Big Book study group. I am now a member of it. I occasionally go to speakers meetings (there is one beside our psychiatric hospital which also houses a treatment program - I like this meeting) and sometimes go to step meetings. However, even this latter group uses the 12 x 12. They usually don't like me because I always have my Big Book and quote from it. I avoid open discussions. They may work for others, but they do nothing for me.

The last three years in sobriety have been the best. Why? Because I go to meetings to carry the message. I average two AA meetings a week. I also actively seek out those who are still suffering by attending detox meetings, Salvation Army and other last chance places. I sponsor a number of people and sponshorship is limited to getting them through the steps. If they want an easier softer way, they can find somebody else. What I find interesting is my sponsees are half new comers, and half with periods of 2 or more years of sobriety who are desparate enough to do finally do the steps. One of my sponsees spoke on Tuesday. He has 4.5 months in and is now on step 9. I dont believe in waiting. Get the work done, and live happy, joyous and free.

Lately, I have observed a number of returnees. People who had 6 or 7 years and one who had 20. In all cases, they had stopped attending meetings. However, none of these people had done the steps according to the Big Book. While I sound judgemental, most people around here in AA have not received the spiritual awakening and will undoubtedly go back out if they do not maintain meetings.

Finally, I think most members with extended periods of sobriety will back off AA for awhile. There are many reasons, but the most logical to me is: we are human. I read an article by Bill W. in Language of the Heart that each member will encounter a situation that requires a new surrender which leads to a higher level of spirituality. (Dont have the item, book is on loan). I have experienced this in my own life and my absence was one of those periods.

My program is stronger now. Steps 10, 11 are daily: Working with others a necessity.

Tommyh

Capt Zing,I like to go to meetings for several reasons,one of which is to fellowship with my friends.They make my life fuller.
Now I was told i could do two things,attend AA or get in AA
I got in AA,which to me means to live the 12 steps daily,and to attend meetings and fellowship with the others and to help out when needed.Together,they make my life better.

McGowdog

Well your mainstream A.A. is A-OK in my book Carol, because you're there.

If you've never gone 5 days without a meeting, since 89', then you've done something right.

And I've recently been in your area and would say you're not missing much with the not driving. It's a zoo out there near the ATL.

Good point. I was in a meeting today and some folks from the Thursday group were there too and I realized... these are my people. I love these folks. They are good people doing good things and they get me. Add: a point that bballdad just made too.

Happy New Year!

AlwaysGrowing

I'm 18 years sober and let go of meetings for some years after year 7 or so. Too be honest I was more selfish and focused on work than my family. I guess I was coasting. I always taked to other AA members that I have been freinds with for a long time. It took a few BIG issues to get me to go back to AA on a regular basis. I knew I was missing something. That was giving back. I'm glad I'm back and my life is much easier working on myself than on others.

Happy New Years!
AG

rockworm

AlwaysGrowing, I find the 7 year mark an interesting observation. It was at 7 years i first left AA for awhile. I have recently met a few others who had similar issues around 7 years. I recall hearing about the 7 yr itch when it came to marriages. Makes me wonder if there is something in the human psyche that seeks some change at this interval. This past July, I changed jobs within our organization. I had been in the same one for 7.5 years.

keithj

I heard a recent share from a guy who previously had something like 20 years of not drinking. He's been drinking hard and trying to get sober again for the last four years, piecing together a week or two at a time and then drinking for 6 months at a stretch. Heartbreaking really. The guy is thumped and beaten.

What caught my attention was that he shared he stopped going to meetings. And then he shared that he chose to drink again. And in that little nugget, I realized that he's been around AA for 20 some years and missed Step 1. He's never had a first step experience with powerlessness. He's never understood what the BB says about loss of choice in drinking.

This is where I fit in to mainstream AA these days. This is why I attend meetings that don't really have a lot of solution to offer. That's where I can find a guy like that who can be reborn if he is open minded enough to explore the spiritual solution that AA offers. It's really the only reason that me and my home group stay active in AA instead of keeping happily to ourselves. I've got all the AA I need in that home group. But I have a responsibility to carry the message to the man who still suffers. And a love of carrying that message and being useful. As long as I stay in the solution, I can't help but love carrying that message. It happens automatically.

rockworm

Keith, you raise an interesting point. Obviously, a person who does not understand alcoholism thinks it is a choice. However, what if a person had the spiritual awakening and had the obsession removed. After a number of years, they stop going to AA, for whatever reason. If the person does not have the obsession, but then picks up a drink, has that person not made a choice?

The reason I raise this is my own experience. The obsession is gone, has been for a long time. If I pick up a drink tonight, I believe it is by choice. However, once that drink is in my body, the physical allergy takes over and I absolutely believe the obsession will return, rendering me unable to make that choice any more.

Now the Big Book tells me on page 85 that I am not cured of alcoholism. What I have is a daily reprieve contingent on the maintenance of my spiritual condition. Not that I intend to find out, is it possible to regain the obsession if I let up on my Spiritual program? or do I just pick up a drink by choice, then return to the obsession.

The reason I comment is, we do not know what that man did 20 years ago. he may have taken the steps, removed the obsession, then returned to drinking for some unknown reason. If he says he chooses to drink every time in the last 4 years, then I agree he does not understand alcoholism. On the other hand, if he said he chose to return to drinking after 20 years, then maybe he understands but cannot come to grips with the fact he has to do it all over again.

Just food for thought.

All Big Book quotes are from Alcoholics Anonymous 1st edition