The whole point of the process is to get rid of what you are not and then what you are shows up.

I have no intention of abandoning the 12x12, but I will approach it a little differently than I do the Big Book

is idle talk or rumour, especially about the personal or private affairs of others

"How many time people have said to us: “I can take it or leave it alone. Why can’t he?” “Why don’t you drink like a gentleman or quit?” “That fellow can’t handle his liquor.” “Why don’t you try beer and wine?” “Lay off the hard stuff.” “His will power must be weak.” “He could stop if he wanted to.” “She’s such a sweet girl, I should think he’d stop for her sake.” “The doctor told him that if he ever drank again it would kill him, but there he is all lit up again.”
Now these are commonplace observations on drinkers which we hear all the time. Back of them is a world of ignorance and misunderstanding. We see that these expressions refer to people whose reactions are very different from ours.

Moderate drinkers have little trouble in giving up liquor entirely if they have good reason for it. They can take it or leave it alone.

Then we have a certain type of hard drinker. He may have the habit badly enough to gradually impair him physically and mentally. It may cause him to die a few years before his time. If a sufficiently strong reason—ill health, falling in love, change of environment, or the warning of a doctor—becomes operative, this man can also stop or moderate, although he may find it difficult and troublesome and may even need medical attention.

But what about the real alcoholic? He may start off as a moderate drinker; he may or may not become a continuous hard drinker; but at some stage of his drinking career he begins to lose all control of his liquor consumption, once he starts to drink.

Paul Martin, 87 years old and 62 years sober. His sponsor was Tom Powers who
helped Bill Wilson edit and publish the 12x12….
...Paul always believed that guilt is the cause of depression. In fact, he was
sure that Wilson would not have had his depressions if he would have kept his
pecker in his pants.

In a perverse way we can actually take satisfaction from the fact that many people annoy us, for it brings a comfortable feeling of superiority. Gossip barbed with our anger, a polite form of murder by character assassination, has its satisfactions for us, too. Here we are not trying to help those we criticize; we are trying to proclaim our own righteousness.

Godwin's law
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Mike Godwin, formulator of the "law".

Godwin's Law (also known as Godwin's Rule of Nazi Analogies or Godwin's Law of Nazi Analogies)[1][2] is a humorous observation made by Mike Godwin in 1990 which has become an Internet adage. It states: "As an online discussion grows longer, the probability of a comparison involving Nazis or Hitler approaches 1."[3][2]

Godwin's Law is often cited in online discussions as a deterrent against the use of arguments in the widespread reductio ad Hitlerum form. The rule does not make any statement about whether any particular reference or comparison to Adolf Hitler or the Nazis might be appropriate, but only asserts that the likelihood of such a reference or comparison arising increases as the discussion progresses. It is precisely because such a comparison or reference may sometimes be appropriate, Godwin has argued[4] that overuse of Nazi and Hitler comparisons should be avoided, because it robs the valid comparisons of their impact.

Although in one of its early forms Godwin's Law referred specifically to Usenet newsgroup discussions,[5] the law is now applied to any threaded online discussion: electronic mailing lists, message boards, chat rooms, and more recently blog comment threads, wiki talk pages, and social networking sites.

Resentment is the "number one" offender.

Have you been wronged? Life has just not been fair?

Resentment hangs up emotional growth, sometimes, even for years, more than just about anything else.

You are going to be instructed in this article to list on a sheet of paper, all people, institutions, or principles with whom you are still angry or have resentments.

FIRST...Lets define it......What is a resentment?

Webster's Dictionary defines "resentment" as "indignation or ill-will felt as a result of a real or imagined offense."


Webster's then refers the reader to the word "anger" ......and gives other examples of this thought or feeling, which includes rage, fury, wrath, resentment, and indignation.

These words denote varying degrees of displeasure from anger (strong, intense, and explosive) to the longer lasting resentment ill-will and suppressed anger generated by a sense of being wronged by another or being wrong).

From this resentment, stem all forms of bitterness, for you have been not only mentally and physically ill, you have been spiritually sick about the whole matter.

When the "resentment" malady is overcome, you will straighten out mentally and physically.

In dealing with these resentments, you need to set them all down on paper.

Doing this exercise on paper is an important part of the step to move on that we are explaining here.
To cheat and not do the "on paper" exercise is to cheat no one but yourself and your moving on to a new life.

Do not concern yourself with whether you should or should not have the anger or resentment, just make the list.

EXAMPLES OF RESENTMENTS

PEOPLE:

Former Wife, or/ husband, boyfriends, girlfriends, mother, father, siblings, offspring, grandchildren, yourself, grandmothers, grandfathers, aunts, uncles, cousins, friends, bosses, fellow workers, employees, business partners, lovers, neighbors, cops, judges, teachers, classmates, attorneys, celebrities, landlords, preachers, God, politicians, counselors.



INSTITUTIONS:

Government, schools, businesses, hospitals, prisons, workplaces, religions, churches, cultures, marriage, organizations, societies.



PRINCIPLES:

Religions, laws, beliefs, practices, codes, doctrines.



If you can remember the resentment, you should write it down, even though you think that you are over it.

Go back through your life; "thoroughness and honesty" are of utmost importance.

A review of PEOPLE, INSTITUTIONS and PRINCIPLES will bring up a long list, not just your stbx. and not just the people, institutions and principles

Sure you are sore. You are "burned up."

Lets face it....you are really, really pissed .

On your grudge list, you set opposite each name all your injuries attributed to them.

Is it your self esteem, your security, your ambitions, your sex relations, which have been interfered with?

You work with four columns:

The first column will be the person, place or thing in which you have a resentment against.

The second column will be for why you have the resentment. What injury or hurt did they do to you?

The third column is for entering what was affected as a result of the resentment. you have done thus far. What have you lost or what has been threatened.

Is it now apparent that these resentments have led you to unhappiness and futility?

Have you indeed, squandered away many hours reliving these events?

Are you still very angry over these injustices to you?

Do you realize that your new life is frozen in time if you continue to harbor such feelings?

Do you now realize the power over your life that you have given this hate, anger, and resentment?

Is it worth it?

Putting out of our minds the wrongs others have done, we look now for your own mistakes.


The fourth column is for entering in what your part in the deal was, fill in the answers to the questions:

What was my part in this event and how was I at fault?

Where did I go wrong?


The first thing you will see that becomes apparent is that this world and its people are often quite wrong.

To conclude that others were wrong is as far as most of us ever get. (cough three columns cough)

The usual outcome is that you will figure out that people will likely continue to wrong you, that you will continue to be on the short end of more injustices and you will therefore continue to stay pissed.

Sometimes it turns to remorse and then you will even be sore at yourself.

And the more you fight and try to have your own way, the worse matters get.

As in war, the victor only seemed to win. Our moments of triumph will be short lived.

It eventually will become plain to you, that a life which includes deep resentment leads only to futility and unhappiness.

Turning back now to the list, for it holds the key to the future.

You are prepared to look for it from an entirely different angle.

You began to see that the world and its people have really dominated and controlled you thru your resentment.

In that state, the wrong doing of others, fancied or real, has the power to actually ruin your new second chance for a great new life.

How can you escape these clutches that hold you back?

You see now that these resentments must be mastered, but how?

You can not wish them away

This is your new course,

You realize now that the people who wronged you were perhaps a mixed up mess with their own very serious problems.

Though you did not like their symptoms and the way they distribute them to you, you understand their imperfections and hereby forgive them.

Realizing that they, like yourself were far, far from perfect and likely will remain so.

To the precise extent that you have permitted these resentment to continue, do you squander the hours, the very hours that your life is made of and that might have been exceptionally worth while.

You will find now, that it is crucial, to ever gaining full control of your new life.

For when continuing the harboring of such feeling you shut yourself off from the sunlight of growth and this second chance at a great new life.