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Accepting Love

Old 05-06-2014, 12:20 AM
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Accepting Love

Hey everyone ,
First off I just want to thank everyone. I am not on often but everyones advice and the push to go to my colleges free counseling service has really changed my life for the better! I need advice as always.

I have been with my boyfriend for over almost two years and I still feel I am walking this weird emotional line. I am head over heels for him and love showing him affection and love through words and actions. The problem I am having is that I always feel like I want more of that from him but when he gives it too me, I freak about commitment and I get nervous and shy. I admit I am not one for recieving love. I feel like I dont know.why. I have a habit of cheating and getting what what is good for me and us. I feel a dissconnect from the me and us. I am just wondering if anyone else struggles. It is so hard to put into words and I am worried It will end up with me being alone for a while. I feel like this maybe because of my alcoholic father or my anxiety.
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Old 05-06-2014, 12:22 AM
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To clear it up, I have never cheated on him. Loving him has pushed me to go to counseling as well as the advice from this site. I don't want to mess it up.
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Old 05-06-2014, 08:46 AM
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So glad you found some help and insight from your college! Right now focusing on your classes is paramount. Might be a lot to juggle, parents, college, love all at the same time right now. Listen to your instinct, it might be telling you that it's not time to cement this relationship. Time to take it slow while you are figuring out the whole ACOA thing. When I was in school, and with my fiance and struggling with my parents, I had a lot on my plate and I remember being so overwhelmed I had panic attacks and needed medical help. I had to reel back and let life unfold. Good luck.
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Old 05-06-2014, 09:34 AM
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Your right. Last semester my anxiety and depression ticketed. I feel tired. There are so many.things that keep coming up to personally work on, I don't even know where to start. This may just be my anxiety. This guy is important to me. My gut tells me that this is something I need to handle if i want any relationship to be successful. How did being an ACOA come into plau with your relationship? My counselor has.talked to me about anxiety medicine and I.am wondering if that will help..
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Old 05-06-2014, 01:31 PM
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Being tired was always a trigger for me with anxiety. I had to force myself to be asleep by 10 pm nightly and setting a daily schedule. If I didn't I just couldn't handle the wheels of my mind. I tried some valium for the panic attacks but didn't like it and didn't continue. I found more strength in my faith, prayer and meditation. I still don't like unplanned events and expectations being foisted upon me. I am more comfortable with schedules even if they are not normal.

My relationship suffered until I learned to work on myself. We have a saying here that you have to take care of yourself before you can care about anyone else. Kind of like a plane that takes a nosedive and the oxygen masks drop out. If you don't put yours on first you can't about or help anyone else. I think if you work on yourself your relationships will align naturally or with a bit of help.

Have you read the stickies above? This one lays out the typical personality of the ACOA, once you learn these you can start work on them, and things fall in place better.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-children.html
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