Breaking the Dysfunctional Family Patterns

Old 01-11-2012, 04:47 AM
  # 21 (permalink)  
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Coventry, RI
Posts: 61
Thanks, MG. I also want to add that some of us got so sick that we didn't have children and have never had a healthy partner. But we affect other people in the world, especially in the sex conduct area. As you say, water seeks its own level and not only did we become our parents, we chose people just like our parents.

I am at the place right now where I know I have to break free, but even after all the work I've done in the 12 steps in AA I still can't sleep so I'm dependent on my parents for $ support for survival. This keeps the insanity going and I'm still the family Scapegoat for the comfort and security of others and for their own selfish agenda.

A few years ago i couldn't hold up boundaries and let a very violent man into my life. It was getting worse and worse. So for now I'm staying away from all love relationships until I can get myself out from under financially.

I've had to apply for public housing vouchers and get $ help from other sources. It is a very slow, tedious process and I'm doing it all exhausted. But I will prevail.

They are trying to pull me in all the harder as I come out of denial but ultimately I will leave them to themselves.

I understand them and have compassion for them, and I also have worked through the guilt of letting them be on their own path with God, whatever that will look like.

If I want to do God's work and help other people recover, this is all necessary.

This will be the final stage of my recovery - working through my childhood issues and changing my physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual attachments to it.

I have no doubt I'll sleep once I detach, and be able to show up for my life.

I don't know anything else beyond that. This is my next humongous step.
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Old 06-28-2012, 05:00 AM
  # 22 (permalink)  
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: San Salvador, El Salvador
Posts: 1
Red face Juanillo

I'm new here, altho not new to "the program." It feels like home, maybe a new "home away from home"...

Thanks for the post. I liked the idea of moving out, leaving behind, all that baggage that accumulates without even knowing...

I would like to add this to my daily routine every morning.


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Old 06-28-2012, 05:03 AM
  # 23 (permalink)  
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 1,393
That was beautiful morning glory
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Old 07-22-2012, 06:39 AM
  # 24 (permalink)  
frances2011's Avatar
Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 2,826
Thank you to the SR mods for the stickies. I was feeling a little adrift and needed some support for my family stuff this morning. I dove into the stickies as tools for my ongoing Recovery.

Diving into the dysfunction is like being in a crazy-house mirror. Nothing makes sense. It's all crazy.

Thank you to the poster above for these words below. These are the words I needed to hear and will be repeating to myself:

"My compliance has NO connection to their happiness. My difference of opinion has NO bearing on their misery. Their criticism / ridicule does NOT define me. God's Love does."

"God wants you to defend yourself. He doesn't want you to put up with [abuse]."
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Old 10-15-2012, 07:28 PM
  # 25 (permalink)  
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 33
Thats was really insightful. Thank you for sharing and your right I felt that I could insert my situation into that.
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Old 10-22-2012, 08:54 PM
  # 26 (permalink)  
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Ohio
Posts: 6
My husband is an alchoholic, not the worst kind but he is one. My mom was not and my dad was but It was hidden from me, he was more bipolar and he used alchohol sometimes and other times not at all.
I guess I was affected and now I need to learn about the affects of my husband, father of two girls 2 and 4. I need to learn a lot.
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Old 02-16-2013, 03:01 PM
  # 27 (permalink)  
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Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 1,334
I have decided at age 62 I cannot be around my 67 yr. old sister. She's an ACA and was abused like me and she is mean. She has no empathy. She is a narcissist I have tried to love her my whole life. She was mean to our Mom. She was married 3 times. She has a missing piece- robbed from her when we were kids- by a mean alcoholic physically abusive Dad. I give her to her HP. I let go- because it just bites me in the a--. Her control and her anger- got to let it all go. Detach with love.
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Old 05-02-2013, 05:52 AM
  # 28 (permalink)  
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Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 928
Thank you. Brought tears to my eyes...and also hope. I am empty nesting, but began to work on my own behaviors 23 years ago. I went through the denial from biological family and all except one are estranged. I see the good things...and there have been hard things...drug addictions in 3 of 5 children (all the girls)--now 2 are sober for drugs and getting better on biological family's DOC was perfection and how things appeared on the outside.

I hope there is still hope as I work to make the adjustment to only AH and I. I am needing this site.
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