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I am so sad

Old 06-28-2003, 03:37 AM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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REsponse to Stephainie's post

Good morning!

Yes, thanks Stephanie for the help. I have found the site very helpful when I visited, and I put it in my favorites. I hope that you and your family can find some comfort, too. When you mentioned your Dad crying, it reminds me of when my cousin Danny, died last November. He was my Daddy's twin brother, Bobby's, youngest of two sons. The oldest son, Bobby, Jr., called to notify me. He is a big, incredible hulk of a guy who has taught as a coach all of his adult life. He was crying, just like you described, audibly, but no talk of it. Trying to be brave, but his voice cracked and gave it away. I was trying to beg off going to Knoxville from Charleston, because I didn't want to miss anymore work. But when he started to cry, I had to go. He had been there for me when Daddy died in September 1991, and when my brother died in Decemeber, 1999. He had driven all the way from Knoxville with cellulitis in his knee (a chronic sports injury, I think). He had sat with me on the setee at Stuhrs' Funeral Home on Calhoun Street and let me pretend he was my brother, and let me talk and talk and talk...which is how I work through everything. I knew then I had to go to Knoxville. I was rewarded, not only with the gift of seeing him and his family, but also with the breathtaking sight of the mountains as a light snow began to fall the day I headed for home. It was not a dangerous snow, it did not stick on the road, but the flakes in the air and on the mountain peaks around me in the distance were breathtakingly beautiful. My anxiety disorder had me gripping the wheel like I was falling from the mountain everytime we would be beside a big drop off the side of the road, as I am anxious about heights, yet my anxiety was juxtaposed with the awe of the beauty around me, and I was aware of the presence of it in the midst of the anxiety and the grief. I was also rewarded with a new relationship with my cousin Danny's daughter. She is a beautiful girl who is struggling to come to grips with the fact that his alcoholism created an obstacle to their communication many times. She is now eighteen and will be a freshman in college in the fall. When I showed her some pictures of her Daddy that I had borrowed from my mother from when she was little and she and her mother and her Daddy were a new family and liviing in Charleston, she was charmed and said that she had never seen her Daddy and Mama together before that she was old enough to remember. So, a friendship was born between us. We have kept in touch, and I have mailed her copies of the photos.
I agree that the idea of your parents going on a vacation is just what the doctor ordered. I hope that your family will find comforts in ways like that and each other.

Love ya,
Nancy

P. S. Attached below is another one of my little friends.
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Old 06-29-2003, 07:35 AM
  # 22 (permalink)  
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Aw, what a sweet baby....just adorable, thanks for sharing it.

I also want to thank you for your story and words of encouragement and support. you have given me a great deal of comfort during this difficult and strange time along with Tammie and MG. Thanks guys.

It's funny...I go about my life and everything is fine. If I allow myself to think of the whole situation I get a lump in my stomach and an overwhelming feeling of sad. It's sort of put away in a compartment while i go about my business....but i am always aware of its presence
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Old 06-29-2003, 07:46 AM
  # 23 (permalink)  
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****{STEPHANIE}}}

I so feel for you about the family thing. I get really crazy, depressed and anxious around mine too. I am slowly learning how to not to get so tore up around them, but it is a lot of work because these feelings are like a leg or an arm of ours, we have lived with them so long.
I used to work in nursing homes too, and I know all the death and dying is hard to take, especially with family. But there is something special I carry in heart for those I've held their hand when they died, I held my grandmother's hand when she passed-I didn't think I could that, but I did and it wasn't as horrible as I thought, it was a gift. With my grandpa..I was walking out of his hospital room when the urge to turn around and go back in actually spun me around. He held my hand so tight when I went back in and talked to me, I'm crying right now thinking about it, but it's okay because my grandparents are in my heart and they cheer me on every step of the way.
You need to take good care of yourself right now, lots of rest and good food and relaxing. Just take things in little steps..I am praying for you, Stephanie. Just take our hands, we're always here for you.

Many hugs and hope too,
Tammie
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Old 06-29-2003, 05:26 PM
  # 24 (permalink)  
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Stephanie
gee, i just saw this board for the first time !
I go right to the alanon board, i'm glad to see this.
I was thinking how ingrained the childhood issues are
and so hard to decifer with clarity.Our responses to others
are such a part of who we are.
My 87 yr old Dad lives with us and yes he is mentaly slowly
leaving the real world. Its hard now to remember what a big
tough hard drinking guy he was for so many yrs. he never quit drinking until he was 75 and then one day he just did.Left him
a cranky kind of guy, so i keep him on celexia and it keeps the
edge off-other wise I know I couldnt of had him here.
My Dad has loved me but never a compliment, always and to this day I get insulted, he's no respector of people though, if your overweight he'll tell you, if you do something that will cause him to make fun of you he'll do it.Yrs ago he said you get the other guy before he gets you, explains some of why he is the way he is
I usualy react with a retort right back, not a good reaction but such a habit !
Visiting your grandfather should bring you peace
Hugs
liddy
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