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Old 02-07-2007, 02:55 AM
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shut the **** up

hi, i want to talk about the rage that comes when in the presence of loud people who seem to think its ok to be loud, is this them being obnoxious? ami really just a prude ? how do you let go of that offended sense of self?
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Old 02-07-2007, 04:46 AM
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hey utopia

Hi.

I assume we're talking about people in general, and not just addicts when they are wasted?

If that's the case, no... you're not prude. I can't stand people yelling instead of talking. Argh, the worst is when they are on their cellphones. They shout at the other person, assuming they are deaf. What is up with that?

When it comes to restaurants and stuff, it's like... hello, this is shared space people. Hey you, in the opposite corner over there... I really don't want to hear how you got lucky last night.

Hehe, see... not alone in this :o)
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Old 02-07-2007, 12:15 PM
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Big issue for me. ;o) I will occasionally turn to someone in the check out line and say, "Gee, this sounds personal. I'm surprised that you don't mind me listening."
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Old 02-07-2007, 12:28 PM
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I alway thought these people were making up for shortcomongs in other areas, if you know what I mean. :hat
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Old 02-07-2007, 01:22 PM
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Yeah loud people can be annoying....but I find I have WAY more important things to get enraged about.
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Old 02-07-2007, 01:35 PM
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Interesting.....

I have had problems with altercations and raised voices. Up until recently I couldnt even watch 2 people argue in raised voices on a tv show. Seriously. It made my heart race and I became very anxious. I had to change the channel.

Loud voices are intimidating and frightening to a young child and sometimes I think the child in me is afraid of getting yelled at or getting hurt when a voice becomes loud in tone.

So for me, the loud angry voices trigger painful memories. As for the loud obnoxious people who arent angry just loud..it does it too sometimes. I used to snap some tart remark back, such as 'God could you be any louder?" NOw I just have to shut my eyes and walk away.
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Old 02-07-2007, 02:38 PM
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Originally Posted by elizabeth1979 View Post
NOw I just have to shut my eyes and walk away.
But don't you worry about getting hurt walking around with your eyes shut?

LOL

L
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Old 02-07-2007, 04:43 PM
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But don't you worry about getting hurt walking around with your eyes shut?
Yes, clearly this was what I was doing when I met my ex!
Well that explains alot..always insightful L
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Old 02-07-2007, 04:53 PM
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I swear, I know exactly what you mean utopia. I feel that rage too! It happens soo very often to me..

I was raised by an alcoholic father who has real loud voice. As a child, it was disturbing to me. It's because I could sense the anger underneath his voice. And of course, this unexplained anger was scary to experience as a child.

So yeah, definitely feels like these are child needs for gentleness that are coming out and getting angry at these loud strangers or people is a way of releasing those feelings perhaps?

Truth is, I think peolpe who are loud are actually releasing their own emotions too. A loud voice to me, is an indication of an underlying emotion or conflict, perhaps unresolved anger in their personality. Speaking loud can be a way people cope with these feelings (like perpetual fear and turmoil inside) and they are speaking loudly and releasing these emotions. Probably, it is healing...

I could be a very loud aggressive person and it might be immensely helpful to releasing some of my un-ease.

Unfortunately, I am also embarassed by it. I guess this is a way of care-taking.

Also, while I understand why people become loud speakers, I don't necessarily value being this way.

Perhaps it is a good coping mechanism UNTIL one reaches a place of serenity?

Perhaps it would be fun to practice being loud ourselves for a day in conversations. experiment with it. see how it can be empowering!

trade in my meek squeeky voice...for a booming tone and see if my insides start feeling any different... :-)
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Old 02-07-2007, 06:58 PM
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I'll start this by stating that I am partially deaf. The only way I can tell how loud I'm talking is by the feel of my voice. I can't hear how loud I am. With the advent of iPods and I guess really, starting with the Walkman, loud music stuffed directly into the ears has caused a great deal of hearing imparedness in our culture.

That being said, while I can tolerate people being generally loud, I still can't handle hearing people argue in public. Or even in private. It sets off anxiety attacks and a distinct feeling of "need to hide".

Utopia, if you think you can do it in a calm and reasonable tone of voice, you might try telling the person that they're being loud enough to disrupt others and would they mind talking a little more quietly. I've found polite requests to work well, and it's entirely possible that the person doesn't realize how loud they're speaking (my husband has to ask me to not speak so loudly anytime I get excited, for good or for bad, about something as I honestly have no idea how loudly I'm speaking).
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Old 02-07-2007, 07:31 PM
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I still can't handle hearing people argue in public. Or even in private. It sets off anxiety attacks and a distinct feeling of "need to hide".
A light bulb just went off for me.
The need to hide.
Thats the feeling I couldnt put my finger on!
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Old 02-07-2007, 09:08 PM
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Just wanted to report that per my post suggestion, I made an effort to talk loudly after the post today, at least louder than I usually do - it really gets your energy going! It feels lively and nice! Like I'm participating more in life....hooray!
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Old 02-08-2007, 07:30 PM
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amen people, i thankyou so much for your shares, i also felt a part of me was saying, shut up because dont you know if we are visible that "he" will get us? "he being the big dark shadow of unknown evil, more to the point my abusive father... yes i am learning to talk louder but i find it hard to tell people to be aware of their surroundings because I cant change the fact that...taht theyre halfwit dumb****sAAAAAAAAAAAARGHHH, sometimes i need to walk away too. yes still raging over the discomfort of being about loud, loud equates unpredictability, equates uneasiness, flighty, hyperdefensive, and dis-ease. need to feel safe in my skin, def some old tapes playing old **** here. thanks ppl
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Old 02-09-2007, 08:45 AM
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I think it depends totally on the situation.

Are people excited to see each other or to catch up? I think not tolerating a positive exchange says more about me than the situation. I do mean me. I've had the same ST*U scenario believe me. Usually when I feel like I have no real friends and life sucks.

I have been guilty of snapping at my husband and venting personal information in public. I find my self passing judgement on people who do. Even in support of their position. I am a recovering hypocrite. I am also superficially entertained by others' drama.

The berating and abuse of children sends me into a rage so bad I have a rage hangover. One day at a store it took everything I had not to completely trip on this one excuse of a mother for hitting her well behaved but fidgety child one too many times. I actually now wish I had done something like involve the police.
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Old 02-10-2007, 08:02 PM
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Loud voices push my buttons too. Loud music. Arguments. Loud cars. Loud heat pumps or tvs or stereos or buzzing halogen lights. I'm very noise sensitive. I like quiet. Birds singing, leaves rustling. A rare commodity in this world. My mother shouted and raged her way through our childhoods. Shouting and arguing still scare me and I want to run away and hide before I get smacked.

Loudness is a violation of personal space too. They take over your audio space and impose themselves all over it. Not consciously I'm sure. I think a lot of people just don't care about noise like I do and don't see it as a problem - you don't want to listen to me, then turn up your own stereo. I'm convinced that's part of why people have so much noise going on in their houses all the time, just to cover up the noise coming from the neighbors. And to fill up the emptiness inside themselves too of course. Most people have a tv or stereo going at all times after all. Quiet scares them. I visited a friend for a couple days once and he had multiple tvs going on different channels in different rooms at all times during waking hours. Come to think of it, my ex AH does that too now that I dont' live there anymore.
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Old 02-11-2007, 06:50 AM
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And to fill up the emptiness inside themselves too of course.
I think this has a lot to do with it. Without that distraction, many people become very uncomfortable in their own skin.

I don't like noise either. I don't want the tv on unless I'm watching it. I almost never have music going unless I've sat down intentionally to listen to it. The new homes that have sound systems piped in everywhere drive me nuts. Not to mention that, because of my hearing problems, the more ambient sound there is, the harder it is for me to distinguish speech from noise.

I love going to my MIL's house. She lives waaaaaay out in the country. Her house is heated by a wood burning stove. It is so quiet up there, and I always end up sleeping really really heavily when I'm there. It's quiet enough that even a gentle breeze can be heard in the trees - it doesn't have to be windy to hear it.

I want to live someplace like that when I retire.
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Old 02-11-2007, 08:52 AM
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Like the others, I resent the heck out of the intrusion of a cell phone conversation in restaurants, at the grocery store and on the bus.

But I have REALLY hard time modulating my voice. I am big, have big lungs and can't whisper... really, husband tells me to not bother, my whisper ain't quiet.

Also, have some hearing loss, and can't hear some tones.

I do NOT carry a cell phone into store, meetings, and other public areas. I leave it in the car because I DO use a louder voice on the phone - or so husband tells me.

I've been punished for group shenannigans before because MY voice was the one that carried and I was the one snagged as the perpatrator. I've been embarrassed in public - time and again - by folks who tell me my voice is too loud and my laugh is too big.

I try... but all I've seemed to do is develop a HUGE sensitivity to it.

Just laying this out there... some of us KNOW we are too loud, and DO try to modulate our voices... but it feels like I am holding my breath, and it is uncomfortable. I am especially aware in public places, but sometimes, in the midst of a group, I will forget.

(((hugs))))

But I DON'T talk on my cell phone in public. Quiet or not, I find that is just rude.
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Old 02-11-2007, 03:00 PM
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I dont like a lot of noise either. I never play the radio when I drive. I do like my tv on all the time but I keep it low. Im a hermit but I do like some company. LOL.

I can handle people being loud if there is a reason. Like if something good happened and theyre excited. I get antsy if it goes on and on tho. I dont like parties or large groups of people either. Being sociable wears me out. LOL.

BigSis your being loud would not bother me because its part of who you are. Im not saying it wouldnt wear me out but you seem like such a nice person that Im sure it would be worth it. LOL.
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