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Old 12-19-2004, 06:58 PM   #1 (permalink)
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relapse on holidays?

Do people usually relapse on holidays. This x-mas will be the worst one yet. First i won't have my drugs, i won't have my boyfriend(would have been our 7th together), i don't have money what else can i say . I feel so stressed out and i don't know where to run. I feel like i need to get high. I get sick thinking about actually getting a pill (oc) and snorting it. But i just want to be high. I feel so depressed. My parents won't let me see my ex right now because they blame him. I could have stopped by myself when i left him but i got worse. They hate him so much and i still love him. We went out for 6 years. I was 15 when we first started dating. and we did drugs together for 2 years. I know that killed our relationship but I still have feelings for him and same goes for me. Plus these holidays...going into a store to shop is hard for me. I swear i have social anexity now. I used to be fine when i was high. Walk in like i owned the place. Plus i have no job right now, i have been babysitting for family friends and spending it all on x-mas presents and that stresses me out. And the million people at the malls and in the parking lots and people fight ing with you over a spot. Is it sad to say i do not have a holiday spirt this year. Today was day 49 for me and I don't know if i'll make it this week. this is the first time i just want to use anything. I did oc's but anything sound nice just to get away from this stess :hairout and depression ....
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Old 12-19-2004, 07:43 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Your local NA!Stacy,
Call the helpline phone number at this link and talk to someone about how you're feeling! Better yet, go to a meeting ASAP.

Love,
Eddie
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Old 12-19-2004, 09:49 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Don't get yourself so down, S-ROD.

Make yourself a list of things you're grateful for. A gratitude list.

You're a young woman, and you've got a world ahead of you. You obviously seem like you have a great desire to stay clean, and not every addict is fortunate enough to find that desire at an early age.

I could give a nice list of all the s--t that I've lost over my addiction, but it's enough to make you sick (along with myself). I always remember what got me here, but I don't sulk over it. That's a bad place to be.

I did lose my dad, my grandfather (my dad's father), my godfather (my dad's brother), and my best friend's mom this last year (like a second mom to me), all within a six month time. If I could make it through that sober (especially given my past) I know that you can do it.

You're on the right track, dear, just keep fighting the good fight.

Get to some meetings, and strap on your seatbelt. You've got nowhere else to go but up
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Old 12-20-2004, 01:48 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Yes, a gratitude list is a great idea, too! My sponsor has me list at least two things every day for which I am grateful. I use the Bedtime Gratitude Prayer thread over on the Gratitude List forum here for that purpose. Why don't you join us? It is much better and more helpful to count your blessings than your curses!
Love and hugs,
Eddie
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Old 12-20-2004, 03:00 AM   #5 (permalink)
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S-Rod
Hi, you're doing so well...please follow the link Eddie sent and hook up with an NA meeting...few people do manage to do it on their own...please use the help that's available. You're young with your whole life ahead of you...deal with this now. The support you get from a meeting will get you back on track.
Of course you're depressed! It's a really hard time for you and you're still getting used to being sober...meetings help! I would strongly suggest go along...if you are new to it., phone them up they will more than likely send someone to pick you up, go along meet the amazing people there and have a good cry!! every day is going to get better.
And yes, it's totally normal to be freaked out by the malls and everyone with this mad glint in their eyes being rude and awful! Christmas can do some terrible things to people!!! Your sobriety is probably the best gift you can give anyone, so try not to stress out about pressies?
Keep us posted and the best of luck...use the help available.
Much love
cathy
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Old 12-20-2004, 08:55 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Come on S-ROD, don’t beat up on yourself like that! You are one the people that has inspired me to quit my OC habit. You were doing twice as much as me and were able to stop for some 50 days now. That’s an incredible accomplishment. I would look at it another way, it was because of the drugs that things seem messed up now. Going back to what got you here is the wrong direction. Without the drugs, things are only going to get better.

I guess I should be the last one giving you advice, since this is only the second day I haven’t abused any oxy. But as bad as things seem, they are a lot better without the drugs, trust me.

And don’t worry about all of the commercialism that surrounds Christmas, think about what the true meaning of the holiday is and you’ll see that it has nothing to do with presents, the mall or shopping.

Hang in there!

Dan
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Old 12-20-2004, 09:01 AM   #7 (permalink)
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Dan,
I love, love, love your avatar!!! Congrats on Day 2!!
—EZ
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Old 12-20-2004, 07:08 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Thank you everyone.
Dan- day 2 is great, you have to hang in there too. I am so happy that you are doing so good. I couldn't believe it when i was 2 days without the s***.

I am doing a little better now. I have talked to some people. Not my ex, which makes me sad but i have to think about me right now. I have also quit smoking. I have one before bed to relax me. But i don't smoke all day. I wasn't even really addicted to it. It just felt great to have a butt after doing a line. I guess thats why it is so easy to stop now. I did a little more shopping today and I am almost done. My family knows everything so they are helping me out with everything.
But today is 50 days i am so happy to get to this point. I told my sister and you know what she says to me..."Yeah, i guess it's good but i don't believe you" She thinks i am doing drugs still now and then. I said "as an addict, i couldn't just do them now and then, i would be doing them all the time and lying and stealing again." It just got me so upset. I tell my parents and my aunt, they say "oh really, it doesn't seem like that long" No, way to go, keep it up, NO SUPPORT AT ALL. Thats why i love coming here to talk to you guys. I even made a really good friend that lives in another country but we support each other everyday. Thanks again. I am going to read and go to bed!!!
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Old 12-20-2004, 07:44 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Big congratulations on your 50 days, Stacy!!

Yeah, opiates made me crave nicotine like mad. So I smoked. But when I quit the dope, I WAS addicted to the nicotine. So be careful! I am presently in a smoking relapse after over six months smoke-free.

Glad to hear you're doing some better! Keep talking to people, OK?

Peace, love, and hugs,
Eddie
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Old 12-22-2004, 07:21 AM   #10 (permalink)
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be proud of yourself

Quote:
Originally Posted by S-ROD
I told my sister and you know what she says to me..."Yeah, i guess it's good but i don't believe you" She thinks i am doing drugs still now and then. I said "as an addict, i couldn't just do them now and then, i would be doing them all the time and lying and stealing again." It just got me so upset. I tell my parents and my aunt, they say "oh really, it doesn't seem like that long" No, way to go, keep it up, NO SUPPORT AT ALL.

S-ROD,
I'm sure it's virtually impossible to not let what your loved ones say affect you. Just try to remember that you are doing an amazing thing by not using. Also try to remember where your family is coming from and that they are sick too (maybe sicker than us). They have probably been very hurt and do not trust you at this point. I'm not trying to be negative, I'm just remembering some of the things my counselor told us at rehab about the family situation. Keep going to meetings and this website because that is where you seem to be getting your healthy support from. Your family may or may not understand eventually, but my counselor told us something very helpful to me: For those who understand, no explanation is necessary and for those who do not understand, no explanation is possible. Hang in there
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Old 12-22-2004, 07:31 AM   #11 (permalink)
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Quote:
For those who understand, no explanation is necessary and for those who do not understand, no explanation is possible.
Thanks, gg! This sums it up perfectly. That's what was in my head that I couldn't put into words.
—EZ
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Old 12-22-2004, 08:08 AM   #12 (permalink)
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S-Rod, Good for you. Way to go. You are doing awesome. That is no small feat kicking those things.

You brought up an excellent point. Just last night as I was looking at all the lights, and all I thought this is the very first time in eight years at Christmas that I won't be high. How do I do this? Of course all the negative things don't hit the brain cells. Instead of thinking oh Dear God how about when I was in an alley on Christmas Eve day with fifteen other addicts waiting in line when the cops came? All this when I'm supposed to be at Church in two hours to watch my kids Christmas play. Pure insanity. So focus on the really good things, and that you might have fun with your family. Try, and enjoy.

We hurt them so many times. They worry sick. Now as you go along they can see how well you are doing. Allow your sister her thoughts. You are proving her wrong. I get defensive too at times when people quickly put their money away, and hide it. It breaks my heart when my child holds my face, and stares intently into my eyes. I realize she's looking to see if I'm high. BUT they only care, and we are so fortunate to have family that will not give up on us. You are showing them you care about yourself.

Try, and understand too about your ex. They will always associate him with you doing drugs. I'd be the same way as a parent. You are a big girl, and made the decision yourself, but being near him right now would only lead to disaster. You are too good for that. Throw some prayers his way, BUT watch out for only you right now. Make you your only priority. You are doing great.
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Old 12-25-2004, 04:09 PM   #13 (permalink)
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Stacy,
How are you? Where are you? Hope you're off having a
Merry Christmas!!
Peace, love, and joy!
—Eddie
:hello
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