ihatealcohol80

Thank you. I did attend one Alanon meeting last week.I liked it except for the one lady who talked for 15 minutes.

LexieCat

Sorry to hear of the latest developments, though I can't say I'm surprised, given how she's handled (or, rather, NOT handled) everything since this whole arrest debacle started.

What does "one drink and you're out" mean? I hope you have what that means clear in your own mind, and that you've communicated what you MEAN by it. Does it mean she's out for the evening? Does it mean you're done?

The reason I'm asking is that a lot of us have made pronouncements like that, but when push comes to shove we don't really mean it--maybe because we aren't ready to follow through. And that's OK--not to be ready, I mean. What isn't so OK is to make empty threats or promises, hoping to control someone else. If/when the boundary is crossed and we don't follow through with whatever we said, we lose credibility and pay a price in our own sense of dignity.

ihatealcohol80

Lexi, I will ask her to leave the condo if drunk. I will send her to a decent hotel. Right now I'm hoping for the best. I think the rehab experience may have scared her straight. She says many of the rehab ladies were much worse with multiple re habs.

LexieCat

I doubt that the experience "scared her straight." I suspect she still thinks she's "not as bad" as the others who were there.

I'm not sure I understand your living arrangements. Does she live there with you? If so, I doubt you can legally force her to leave if she refuses to go. Just something you might want to think about. I think asking her to leave isn't a bad idea, just wondering whether you'd thought through what you would do if she refuses.

I get hoping for the best--it would be wonderful if she doesn't pick up a drink. I think the odds are, though, that she will.

sg1970

It doesn't get much worse than drinking in the morning, popping pills, and driving a bus load of kids around while you are drunk.

And if I was in her shoes and someone put me up in a decent hotel and left me alone I would be in heaven and stay drunk out of my mind. She needs to be in a rehab.

Sorry you are going through this.

FeelingGreat

That's a pretty common rationalisation. I know this from using it in my drinking days, and in a severely practical sense it was true, however it didn't help me with MY problems caused by alcohol.

suki44883

To this alcoholic, it sounds like she thinks she's "not that bad." Of course, as an alcoholic myself, I know that she IS that bad; she's just not ready to admit it...meaning she is in denial. What could be much more "bad" than getting drunk and driving a school bus full of children around?

From reading your threads, she needs serious treatment and you need to attend alanon meetings. I think you are both in serious denial of just how bad her drinking is.

velma929

Shaking my head sadly

Ileana

Ihatealcohol- I can't imagine what your life is like. I am sure your AGF's name has hit all the local papers and you allowing her back into the house probably hasn't helped. I just wanted to say protect yourself.

Hopeworks

IHA,

My XA went to over a dozen rehabs and programs through the years as a chronic relapser and went to jail over a dozen times as well. In the early part of his addiction I am sure he had the same thoughts as almost all A's think they are terminally unique. Logically one would think that these catastrophic events would lead to sobriety...but more often than not they are just the beginning of a downhill slide of negative events. Hoping that your situation will be the exception to the rule but better to be prepared for whatever life brings you.

Alcoholism is progressive if not halted by authentic recovery... more will be revealed in the coming days and months. Take care of you and keep learning all you can about alcoholism.

ihatealcohol80

She came home this afternoon drunk as a sailor on leave. I calmly asked her to leave. I called a taxi and booked a hotel room for her. She was demanding the keys to her little sports car but I threatened to call the police. Our condo association has already warned us about her behavior.

FindingMe2

Not surprised. Now do you understand why she wanted to leave the rehab?

Keeping you both in my thoughts and prayers!

least

If I were you, I would not have cushioned her fall. Don't call a taxi to take her to a hotel room. She got drunk, let her figure out where to stay and how to get there. She's never going to learn about consequences if you keep preventing her from having any.

Liveitwell

I 100% second this. ^^^^ why on earth would she NOT come home and drink if you are sending her to a plush hotel where she can drink in peace? My ex has gone to rehab twice abd stayed for about a week both times. Still drinking. He does not want to do the work it will take (brutal honesty and telling his secrets) to get sober. So he leaves. Yours is doing the same thing. She needs serious help, not a hotel room.

CodeJob

What do you get out of this relationship, IHA? No need to answer here, but your cute little addict knows how to play you.

Thanks for not letting her cruise off in her little sports car.

This was a handy article for me in my early days.

Excuses Alcoholics Make

Sara21

I'm sorry she is continuing to drink, but I'm glad you were able to remain calm. You mentioned that the condo association has warned you about her behavior, what does that mean? Does it mean they could kick you out?

FeelingGreat

Sorry to hear she's drinking again, iha. The more disturbing news is that she wanted to drive. You did the right thing in getting her out of the place, but if she's relapsed you might want to consider asking her to move out, or you move out if she has the lease.
At the moment you're on a course to lose everything you have. Think carefully about the future.

Refiner

I know it hurts now, but thank God she's showing you who she is before you would have gotten attached legally!

guava

I'm so sorry she relapsed. I know we shouldn't make things easier for the alcoholic, but I can understand your decision to get an active drunk a hotel room yesterday if it meant avoiding a nasty scene which would have gotten you in trouble with your condo association. I'm glad you didn't let her drive.

Now that she's temporarily removed from your shared residence, it's probably time to make some tough decisions. Legally, I don't know if it's a simple matter to kick her out-perhaps you want to look at other options like you staying somewhere else until you can make more permanent arrangements.

I'm so sorry - I hope peace and clarity find your situation soon.

Hawkeye13

I didn't think she was done.

IHA, what can you do at this point to get some distance from this situation
and protect yourself?

Maybe she needs to move back in with her parents at least until the court date?