Anna

Suze, I am so glad you got to the dr and got the blood tests done. I know that waiting till Mon or Tues must seem like forever, but I hope you can distract yourself a bit. Perhaps the 3 antibiotics are too much for you and the solution might be a simple one. I am sending you very gentle hugs and much love and concern.

Soberpotamus

Thinking of you, dear Suze.

Soberpotamus

I had a pretty good day at the post office today, and out on the road. I finished earlier than ever. It seems I'm still improving.

Monday through Wednesday next week I'll be in training again. They call it "The Academy." Lol. Sounds like more boot camp. I'll be there eight hours per day, and I'll have to drive through downtown again, where that crazy overpass was that made me have a panic attack. I think I'll try to avoid the overpass this time. There's another route I can take.

venuscat

Thank you, again. s

It is unfortunately three infections Anna, and yes, they did in fact end up going with a high-dose simple antibiotic, because the first one they put me on had awful side effects.

I appreciate the hugs, love and concern a great deal. ♥

To be honest, living without Venus is just so hard, and being sick now has put me in a bit of a tailspin. I think I'm depressed. As I said to a close SR friend today, I just can't feel. Well, I can feel the sadness, but that's it. I know I love people ~ but I can't actually feel it. And I can't eat.

I guess this is grief. But if it is, it is far more painful than anything I have gone through previously, and I have lost my parents. So I feel guilty for being this sad. I feel defective.

I am driving myself to the MRI tomorrow, I think.
I have to have the contrast dye injected, and they monitor you for a while afterwards to make sure there are no bad reactions. But they didn't say I needed someone to drive me.

Glad you had a good day not-so-postal Potamus.
I foresee that you will be teaching at 'the Academy' a year from now.
And I understand about the overpass ~ there is a road here I cannot drive on (unless I absolutely have to) because it is very steep, and for years I had an old manual car, and oh, how I panicked on that hill.

fantail

Suze, please don't feel guilty or defective. Grief isn't math... the way you feel right now doesn't mean that Venus meant more to you than your parents or that you're reacting disproportionately or any other thing. I think when we experience loss it often is also like we experience all our previous losses again with it, or at least it feels that way for me. You're going through a lot right now and have been through a lot. There's nothing wrong with what you're feeling, no matter what it is (or isn't). Hugs and love to you. Stay safe. Are you driving yourself because you would rather do that or because you don't want to bother people? I hope it's the former and if it's the latter I hope you bother them anyway

Dee74

I hope you'll feel a little more settled after the MRI Suze.

If I can offer one peace of advice keep busy - even if it's just reading and posting here from bed

D

venuscat

Thank you faintail love. ♥

Driving myself is the only option I have unless I take a taxi.
Thankfully, neither of my sisters can take me, and that is far better for me anyway. Less drama.

Really wanting to hear more about your apartment and all of the good stuff that is happening.

venuscat

Thank you. ♥

And I love the peace typo...accidentally excellent.

Anna

Suze, grief is not logical. You are dealing with grief over the loss of your beloved cat and the feelings you have are yours. You are not defective in any way. And, the health scare you are going through is surely making things harder. Not knowing what is happening health wise is likely taking a toll. I hope that you get some answers soon. Good luck with the MRI tomorrow!

Jennie, I was hoping that your work day went well and I'm so glad for you. Three days at the Academy sounds daunting, but I'm sure you will sail through.

lunar

I hope you feel better soon, Suze;
and I hope this isn't the wrong thing to say,
but perhaps get another cat, once you're feeling better.
Rescue a nice, dear cat.

Soberpotamus

Suze, what Fantail said about grief rings true to me. Or I at least can relate. I don't think there's much 'truth' to a process like grief, I mean, we all experience it in our own way.

For example, my first significant loss was the loss of my grandmother to cancer back in 20003. It completely devastated me. It just obliterated me emotionally for a few years. Years. I couldn't grasp it. She was the most important person in my life. Moreso than my own mother. I floundered and drank through that grief. It was horrible. I was just lost for a while.

Then, my mother took the handful of pills to kill herself in 2010, only she didn't die right away. She hung on for two months, and I was in agony. That loss was entirely different than the first one.

Oddly, even though it was a tragedy that dragged on for months, and put enormous guilt and pressure on me (her only child), and pretty much ravaged me yet again, I bounced back from it more quickly. And yet, this was my mother. Part of me felt it should've been worst than the loss of my grandmother. And in ways, now, it is more significant. But going through the actual grieving process happened differently.

When I lost Rhiannon, I thought I'd be devastated again but this time, with my cat, it was ... peaceful. Somehow watching that cat die naturally, and seeing her push me away at the end, and accept her fate ... helped me process not only her death as something that happens in life, but helped me process my grandmother's untimely death from cancer, and my mother's untimely tragic death.

Please allow yourself to experience it in the way your mind and body needs to experience it. Nothing is wrong or defective.

fantail

OK, apartment update. My things have arrived! So I've been unboxing and unwrapping and wrestling with packing materials (I seriously do not understand why everything I own has three layers of wrapping on it... it's recyclable at least but still!).

My bedroom is almost all painted, it's this dark blue-grey color. I painted the trim a kind of goldy off white. And on the one wall I'm painting an easy mountain mural. It's coming together to be a very peaceful space. I'll post pics when I'm done.

I also started driving for Uber this weekend to see if that might work as a side hustle. So far so good! Yet to see whether it'll be profitable, but it's certainly fun. Getting to see new parts of the city. And it's a fun way to see the night life going on actually!

My ex is visiting for real next week, so that will be whatever it will be. Trying to just be happy to see someone who knows me well.

venuscat

I can't wait to see the mural fantail.

It all sounds wonderful, including Uber.
You are kicking so many goals girl.
And you are more settled there now ~ it might be a better time to see your ex. And you know that we are here for you if gets in any way uncomfortable.

Today was awful. Human beings are not supposed to be injected with contrast dyes. But at least it's done now.

Dee74

It's all for a good purpose Suze

D

fantail

Thanks Suze

I'm glad today is over for you.

Anna

Fantail, I'm glad you finally got your belongings and working on making your place your own. I'd love to see your painting when it's done.

Suze, the dye sounds icky but hopefully it will help to give you some answers. Still thinking of you.

We are moving forward with the never-ending reno. We have both bathrooms completely finished. Yay! We have finished the hardwood flooring everywhere but the office/guest room. We got some beautiful baseboards which really look great, but are a lot of work to cut, paint and install.

Soberpotamus

Fantail, your bedroom colors sound nice. And it's cool you're driving for Uber. I've wondered what it would be like. Let us know how it goes! You are doing great!!!

Suze, I know you must be so glad to have that behind you, the yucky dye part. I hope they find out exactly what's going on soon.

Anna, so excited for you! You must be thrilled with how it's all turning out.

I had my training today, and I go back again tomorrow, and the next day. Surprisingly, I showed up today to an instructor and an otherwise empty room. We waited, and waited, and she made some phone calls ... it turns out Postal Potamus is the only person who didn't quit the job!! Lol. The rest of them quit! I don't know what exactly this says about me or the job ... either I'm nuts, or I'm tough.

So I go back tomorrow for one-on-one training. Kind of felt odd, but I like the instructor very much. We get along great, and I learned a lot. Kind of looking forward to the rest of the week.

venuscat

You are all inspirational and amazing women.

I will post a bit more later, nervously waiting on a call from my Orthopaedic surgeon. The MRI results were going straight to him.

Soberwolf

Venus sending you love xxx

My dad is having his scan tomorrow not sure how long it will take results wise it's getting to me a bit but I'm trying to not let it

venuscat

(((wolfie))) ♥

Right with you love. Praying for good results.