Big Life Changes Support Group Part 2
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,527
Jennie, that's a beautiful story and I'm not surprised that you met a true mentor at this time in your life. The last six or so months have been propelling you into this moment, and this wonderful woman came to you with gifts because you are ready for those gifts.
When I started recovery, I removed several people from my life, including a family member. I knew it was the right thing to do, but it was scary. I felt I had no safety net. And, then, a woman came into my life unexpectedly and became a mentor/spiritual guide/dear friend. I felt that she knew my soul and knowing her was such a blessing. Sadly, she died from cancer so we only had about 4 or so years to know each other, but I know that she is with me every day.
When I started recovery, I removed several people from my life, including a family member. I knew it was the right thing to do, but it was scary. I felt I had no safety net. And, then, a woman came into my life unexpectedly and became a mentor/spiritual guide/dear friend. I felt that she knew my soul and knowing her was such a blessing. Sadly, she died from cancer so we only had about 4 or so years to know each other, but I know that she is with me every day.
EndGame
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 4,677
Hi Jennie.
Powerful story. If you don't put yourself out there, you miss all the good stuff, but at least you get to sit in fear. We learn who we are in relation to the rest of the world, in relation to other people, not by sitting home and thinking. And we only come to truly know other people in relationships.
Our lives are written all over us. You only need to know how to read.
Sensitive and emotionally intelligent people can see who we are and, when they do, it's as though they've known us before, or for a long time. Our fears, our desires, our dreams. And not everyone is okay with being seen, even (especially?) those among us who complain that they feel invisible or disliked when around other people. The more we attempt to hide our fears and the things that we don't want other people to see in us, the more obvious those things become. It's not about a lack of trust, it's about learning to trust the right people.
Possessing human skills or desired character traits is always a threat to those who feel lacking. Whether it's intelligence, emotional expressiveness, kindness, or doing what is right. More often than not, people don't seem to dislike us because of who we are, but because of what we have. Hard work, often of the internal variety, is implicit in being a substantial individual. Misery doesn't just love company; it loves miserable company.
I've followed you from the beginning, and I never fail to be impressed by your hard work, your willingness to learn, and your capacity for personal growth.
Keep on doing what you're doing.
Powerful story. If you don't put yourself out there, you miss all the good stuff, but at least you get to sit in fear. We learn who we are in relation to the rest of the world, in relation to other people, not by sitting home and thinking. And we only come to truly know other people in relationships.
Our lives are written all over us. You only need to know how to read.
Sensitive and emotionally intelligent people can see who we are and, when they do, it's as though they've known us before, or for a long time. Our fears, our desires, our dreams. And not everyone is okay with being seen, even (especially?) those among us who complain that they feel invisible or disliked when around other people. The more we attempt to hide our fears and the things that we don't want other people to see in us, the more obvious those things become. It's not about a lack of trust, it's about learning to trust the right people.
Possessing human skills or desired character traits is always a threat to those who feel lacking. Whether it's intelligence, emotional expressiveness, kindness, or doing what is right. More often than not, people don't seem to dislike us because of who we are, but because of what we have. Hard work, often of the internal variety, is implicit in being a substantial individual. Misery doesn't just love company; it loves miserable company.
I've followed you from the beginning, and I never fail to be impressed by your hard work, your willingness to learn, and your capacity for personal growth.
Keep on doing what you're doing.
♥
Guest
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: The Deep South
Posts: 14,636
Thanks so much everyone 
EndGame, I always appreciate your insights and perceptions, and it was especially nice to read this on my birthday. My heartfelt thanks...
We had a nice dinner and are about to have Italian cream cake and ice-cream, and then I have a few presents to open. Yay, I feel like a kid again!
EndGame, I always appreciate your insights and perceptions, and it was especially nice to read this on my birthday.
My heartfelt thanks... We had a nice dinner and are about to have Italian cream cake and ice-cream, and then I have a few presents to open.
Yay, I feel like a kid again!
Guest
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: The Deep South
Posts: 14,636
It was a good birthday. I had coffee with a friend this morning. My husband and I had a nice dinner, and then we had Italian cream cake. He had the beagles gather around before he sang happy birthday to me. We gave the beagles their own small slices of cake. There were some happy dogs in this house tonight.
My husband gave me art to hang in my office. It's a big parrot surrounded by lots of tropical foliage, and there's also a toucan with the parrot. Parrots are special to us because of the parrot we created together, the one I've written stories about ... it's kind of an ongoing dialogue we have. He's now a real parrot for us. We have a parrot collection going... quite a few parrot pieces around here.
My Dad sent a beautiful card in the mail and a check. I can tell he put thought into the card. It's really pretty ... has a peacock and sparkly stuff, glitter, etc. on the outside. The message inside seems genuine. I will thank him tomorrow.
There were some happy dogs in this house tonight.My husband gave me art to hang in my office. It's a big parrot surrounded by lots of tropical foliage, and there's also a toucan with the parrot. Parrots are special to us because of the parrot we created together, the one I've written stories about ... it's kind of an ongoing dialogue we have. He's now a real parrot for us. We have a parrot collection going... quite a few parrot pieces around here.
My Dad sent a beautiful card in the mail and a check. I can tell he put thought into the card. It's really pretty ... has a peacock and sparkly stuff, glitter, etc. on the outside. The message inside seems genuine. I will thank him tomorrow.
now's the time
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 2,181
What a beautiful encounter with that woman at work J. I loved imagining it. It's like a short story! And I posted this on the other thread, but Happy birthday! So glad it was a nice one. Mine's next week, we're both leos!
Feeling grateful today. I had a bad day at work a couple of days ago... I messed up on a deadline, based on a misunderstanding between me and another person that we then disagreed over when trying to piece together how it had happened. It was a very minor thing that caused no one any big trouble, but I was really in my head about it, distracted etc. It was exactly the kind of thing I used to drink over. In fact it triggered a kind of mini craving. But I didn't drink and the next day, ta da, everything is absolutely fine with that person.
There was a movie that came out sometime in the 90s with Gwyneth Paltrow called Sliding Doors. It's probably pretty bad but I was maybe 12 or so when it came out and I thought it was great. Anyway the whole movie is one timeline where she comes home from work early and catches her boyfriend cheating on her, one where she doesn't and doesn't find out, and the two parallel realities play out.
Being sober is still kind of like that for me sometimes. I was very aware of that mini craving (it was Wednesday) and the kind of bender I would have gone on as still a drinker. So the rest of this week as things went well for me I was able to see in my minds eye all of the fall out that would have been going on from my alcohol abuse if that had been my reaction. Being hungover, doing poorer work, being standoffish or moody, etc. By now the problem, instead of resolving quickly, would by now have snowballed into something worse. It took me a very ridiculously long time to fully internalize that lesson but I'm still so grateful to have finally gotten it. I'm grateful that I can count on myself to stay steady when I'm embarrassed or anxious. I've never been good at that. When I was a kid, if something embarrassed me in front of the other kids I would go to the nurse and pretend to be sick. Escapist through and through! Glad to be learning how to change that, even if very very slowly.
Feeling grateful today. I had a bad day at work a couple of days ago... I messed up on a deadline, based on a misunderstanding between me and another person that we then disagreed over when trying to piece together how it had happened. It was a very minor thing that caused no one any big trouble, but I was really in my head about it, distracted etc. It was exactly the kind of thing I used to drink over. In fact it triggered a kind of mini craving. But I didn't drink and the next day, ta da, everything is absolutely fine with that person.
There was a movie that came out sometime in the 90s with Gwyneth Paltrow called Sliding Doors. It's probably pretty bad but I was maybe 12 or so when it came out and I thought it was great. Anyway the whole movie is one timeline where she comes home from work early and catches her boyfriend cheating on her, one where she doesn't and doesn't find out, and the two parallel realities play out.
Being sober is still kind of like that for me sometimes. I was very aware of that mini craving (it was Wednesday) and the kind of bender I would have gone on as still a drinker. So the rest of this week as things went well for me I was able to see in my minds eye all of the fall out that would have been going on from my alcohol abuse if that had been my reaction. Being hungover, doing poorer work, being standoffish or moody, etc. By now the problem, instead of resolving quickly, would by now have snowballed into something worse. It took me a very ridiculously long time to fully internalize that lesson but I'm still so grateful to have finally gotten it. I'm grateful that I can count on myself to stay steady when I'm embarrassed or anxious. I've never been good at that. When I was a kid, if something embarrassed me in front of the other kids I would go to the nurse and pretend to be sick. Escapist through and through! Glad to be learning how to change that, even if very very slowly.
Guest
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: The Deep South
Posts: 14,636
Fantail, I just love that post about how you're able to see the two parallel experiences -- the one if you'd gone ahead and drunk, and your actual experience, sober. I think that's such a powerful 'play the tape' sort of thing where you took it a few steps further and really examined it in detail. Great job!! I love reading and hearing about these sorts of things. It bolsters my own sobriety, and I'm sure it helps others as well.
I think that's such a powerful 'play the tape' sort of thing where you took it a few steps further and really examined it in detail. Great job!! I love reading and hearing about these sorts of things. It bolsters my own sobriety, and I'm sure it helps others as well.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,527
Jennie, it sounds like you had a really nice birthday and I think it's sweet that your husband gave you parrot art to hang in your office.
Fantail, the movie Sliding Doors was quite fascinating to me when I saw it and it really made me think how any simple choice can change the direction of your life. And, how great that you can see how you've made such positive changes in your life and behavior.
Fantail, the movie Sliding Doors was quite fascinating to me when I saw it and it really made me think how any simple choice can change the direction of your life. And, how great that you can see how you've made such positive changes in your life and behavior.
Guest
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: The Deep South
Posts: 14,636
I'm home from work. I just want to relax now, but we're cleaning, doing laundry, packing, and getting plants watered, and cats taken care of before we leave for the beach tomorrow. I don't think we'll get out of here as early as we'd hoped. But that's ok.
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