KiKi0615

Hi Paddy, I just read your story & wanted to say I admire your strength and courage to come right back to recovery after your relapse. You are very brave & I have no doubt you will do well!

paddyjnr1

Thank you Tomsteve, I really do need to get my sobriety back, it's life or death for me, I can't believe, I made all the mistakes that were outlined in the Big Book but I do know one thing and that's if I begin to practice what got me sober in the first place all will be fine a day at at a time.

Tooshabby

Yes, Paddy, you got this!!!!

paddyjnr1

I'm a fighter alright I'll say that for myself, some days I have to fight that bit harder than others but hey such is life in the real world.
I just have to let my new coping skills be my crutch rather than the bottle.
I gotta trust my higher power has plans for me.
I worked as a photographer for the last couple of years but have refused all jobs since my depression and anxiety kicked in around June.
My favorite wedding photographer of all time whom I have met on Facebook messaged me last night and said lets do coffee.
Wow I am star struck, he too in the past has suffered from Depression due to a severe stroke.
Now I get to meet him this at 11am.
I'm struggling at the moment to make ends meet as I haven't worked since and spent every cent I have, i barely have the price of the coffee.
I managed to scrape together a few euros which were stuck down the side of the couch.
God may have better plans for me. I will say a prayer that I don't get tongue tied or chicken out of the meeting but boy am i excited for the first time in a long time.

JD

That's great news paddy, on the coffee. Don't chicken out. I'm really glad you found this site and have been enjoying your posts. Keep it up, man.

paddyjnr1

Thank you Jd, I didn't chicken out, I met him and we both couldn't get a word in edge ways with excitement and camera talk, all nerdy stuff but hey what the heck.
Something very strange happened during our conversation, something told me to break my anonymity about my alcohol addiction.
I don't normally do this unless I feel someone needs help, he never mentioned alcohol to me, it was I approached the subject and told him what I've been through as in the past during chats on facebook he mentioned to me he was severely depressed due to a very bad stroke which is still noticeable today in his speech and his left hand don't work properly.
He told me that he has a drink problem and needs help and that only for our coffee this morning he would of been in the pub.
I wouldn't say he has progressed as far as most people i know but there's definitely something there which needs addressing.
I said if you ever wanna come to a meeting with me i would bring him along with me. He is having a think about it as he knows it's getting worse.
What a wonderful human being, we are meeting again soon, he wants to take me with him on some model shoots and weddings.
God works in mysterious ways. ehh

JD

That sounds pretty cool. Sounds like it could be a great opportunity for you to get back into the photography. I also hope he takes you up on your offer of help.

paddyjnr1

I know it sounds too good to be true but if not I found a damn good friend.
My HP is doing something for me and I'm grateful, he never lets me down once I'm sober and I'm sure he is watching over me when I'm drunk too because I really should be dead.
During one of my alcoholic sprees I bumped into a client from a treatment center, he said he was going to score and bought a 30bag of heroin, I said to myself "i wonder what that feels like" you can guess the rest , I had my shirt sleeve rolled up while he injected me. I had drank a liter of gin and was on blood pressure tablets.
all I remember is 5 secs later going unconsciousness.
They told me in the hospital that my heart stopped 3 times and only for my friend preforming CPR and his other friend calling an ambulance i would be dead.
My friend is now is now in treatment this past 6 months because he got such a fright something stirred in him.

Tooshabby

Oh wow!!! Both the coffee with your friend and being saved 3 times. Your HP *definitely* has a purpose for you, Paddy. For one thing, you and your friend are meant to be in each others' lives for support. And that story is amazing. We don't go until the go ahead is given, I believe.

This is so cool reading how great you are doing :-)

Soberwolf

Glad your here with us Paddy

paddyjnr1

I could write a book on the crazy nonsensical life of a recovering addict trying to get sober.
I think i have tried ever drink and drug out there always starting of with "sure I'll just try it the once". and bamn full blown addiction, I get addicted to anything that gives me pleasure, even non chemical substances.
I even once got addicted to Red Bull, a bloody energy drink.
We as addicts have to be very vigilant in our actions...

Tooshabby

Yeah, I'm the same. I could get addicted to anything. I'm glad I live in a country where it's impossible to get prescription drugs via the post. It's terrible what's happening in some countries. You're right - we have to be very careful.

Hawkeye13

You mean you can mail order valium?
No wonder you guys kayak through caves and stuff. . .

Tooshabby

^^^^ Lol :-)

I mean you can try to import prescription drugs from online 'chemists' but they almost invariably get picked up by customs who obviously have some super duper x-ray machine. This used to really annoy me. I wasted quite a bit of money trying a few times with only the occasional 'success'. Now I'm grateful - if it were different I'd probably be an oxy junkie and using sleeping pills every night.

paddyjnr1

I have a little good news to share, yesterday I was accepted on the social housing list after 4 years of fighting because I cant move back into the old house i bought when times were good which now means I can get rent allowance until a suitable property comes up.

I hadn't paid my mortgage on it it in 5 years and they still didn't repossess.
I was also granted free legal aid on the same day to off load the damn noose around my neck.

I am in serious debt but hey they cant get "Blood out of a Turnip"
You see I am on invalidity pension which i receive 193.euro a week on invalidity pension and I am finding ends difficult to meet.

I also called a local charity organisation and they called to see proof of my financial situation.

Such kind gentle men they were.
One of them reached into his back pocket withe 5 10euro voucher for a local shop and now my refrigerator is full.

He says he'll be back next wed with more after they have a meeting about my situation,

I am so happy , I am going to have a big breakfast this morning.

Reach out my good friends, there is help there.

JD

That's great to hear Paddy. I'm in the us and we have thanksgiving today. I'll be thinking of you.

Friend Of Bill

Happy Thanksgiving Hey we are alcoholics it's what we do no its not a requirement pick your head up and get back to it learn from what you did I know their can be a lot of fear and shame if you go to the fellowship no one's going to judge you where you just sober or were you in recovery did you have a sponsor and take the steps because they warn us if we rest on our laurels which means stop striving for success if we don't take inventory daily pray and meditate and have others we're headed for trouble if you were just sober which means not drunk and didn't change anything then it was inevitable because we're in the groups of of progressive illness over any. Of time we get worse never better with that mental phenomenon they're always runs that insanely trivial excuse that runs parallel with our sound reasoning the trivial excuse for drinking Happy Thanksgiving if you have any questions you can private message me I'm a good listener I sponsor tons of guys I don't give advice I simply give my experience and reference the book Alcoholics Anonymous which has the answers there's plenty of alcathons usually for Thanksgiving meetings for 24 hours in a row if not you can message me I'll be there for you

paddyjnr1

thank you and happy thanks givining to you and algrouphug:

paddyjnr1

Thank you so much, I'm all cleaned up which i'm afraid to say I didn't in 3 weeks and i'm off to 11.30 home group meeting,,, Happy Thanks givining

Hawkeye13

Keep on keeping on paddy--you are doing great
Bet you look handsome "cleaned up"