paddyjnr1

es Bob you are correct, I lost all faith in the one who serves us, My higher power which I choose also to call God, getting on my knees became a chore, praying for help became pointless, all features of relapse. Classic symptoms, why i never saw it coming beggars believe but i'm on my knees again praying for help...

Tooshabby

Paddy - that is *so* wonderful!! I'm so glad he was understanding - exactly as he ought to be. It takes a lot of courage to go to a doctor and admit you're an alcoholic. The Xanax will help so much to calm you down while you go through the worst of it. You're doing it!!!!!! Well done :-) Don't stop posting and getting support here. It's our pleasure :-)

Mountainmanbob

So glad that you took that in a good way. I also at other times in sobriety fell short with my respect for the One who had called me to be sober.

This sober time around I remember to thank God several times each day for my sobriety. Let's face it, I drank more than several times a day.

Sober blessings sent out for you,
Mountainmanbob

zombob

Yay for you paddy! Glad to see you posting and moving forward.

Sudz No More

That's it Paddy, right back to sobriety where you served so well for eight years. You've got this.

maia1234

((((((((((((((((((((((((Paddy))))))))))))))))))

One day at a time!!!

Dharma33

Hi, Paddy-

I'm so glad to hear you getting back to sobriety....well done!!! You can do it- those 8 years are still all yours.

Mountainmanbob

Although if one is alcoholic
a relapse can kill you
much can be learned from yet
another run with the liquid devil.

MM

paddyjnr1

Hi Dee I've had my sponsor call around and I'm in touch with Outreach worker who is going to meet me to discuss a plan of action.. I also have appointment with psych on Thursday, meeting tonight as well so hopefully I'll get my life on track, It's been a very scary few days but hopefully I'll learn from it and get stronger.. Thank you

Tooshabby

Paddy - that is so great! Look forward to hearing how your meeting goes tonight.

Keep doin' what you're doin'. Looks like those sober muscles haven't lost their memory :-)

feeling-good

So pleased to read about all the things you have done Paddy

Frank14

I'm at work now, and I'm sure my coworkers heard my exuberant "yeah" as I got your update. I've been battling my own demons the past 24 hours, but you are truly an inspiration. You should be very proud of your 8 years. Please come on frequently and give us updates.

I was so upset at your original posting and felt so helpless I kept researching your local Cork City Ireland news to see if there was any indication of you being admitted and released as I know a lot of the local police/hospital activities do show up. You guys are definitely passionate about your soccer, that's for sure.

emme99

Hi Paddy, glad to hear about everything you are doing and I am wishing you the best

hopefull24

"Breathe. You’re going to be okay. Breathe and remember that you’ve been in this place before. You’ve been this uncomfortable and anxious and scared, and you’ve survived. Breathe and know that you can survive this too. These feelings can’t break you. They’re painful and debilitating, but you can sit with them and eventually, they*will pass. Maybe not immediately, but sometime soon, they are going to fade and when they do, you’ll look back at this moment and laugh for having doubted your resilience. I know it feels unbearable right now, but keep breathing, again and again. This will pass. I promise it will pass."

— Daniell Koepke

Friend Of Bill

The mental states preceding a relapse into drinking that is the crux of the problem we relapse days weeks or months prior to picking up that's we have to watch out for page 30 in the book Alcoholics Anonymous in page 37 talk about a progressive illness it gets worse never better paralleled with our sound reasoning is the insanely trivial excuse for taking that first drink which means my disease is parallel with my sound and without defense against the first drink the insane idea wins out and we are worse off than we ever were the key is you survived now pick yourself back up and learn from what happened she picking up is the last thing that happens in a relapse or attitudes and behaviors come back days weeks or months prior we let up on the spiritual programme of action we isolate slow down on eating start acting like we used to and unless the people with the meetings see us regularly there's little help they can give us find step sponsor take the steps as they are in the big book recreate your life and learn from your mistakes you can do it I know you can I'm proud of you it's not easy after 8 years to be honest so now the hard parts over the rest is up to you

paddyjnr1

Awh thanks Frank, thats really lovely to know, I was only one of many that night admitted, met some love other alkies there who were being scorned by their visitors, my heart went out for them when i seen the dismay on their faces, I wanted to tell them to stop but I did butt in and tell them my story and explained to them about the phenomenon of the incessant craving, I told them we were sick people looking to get well and that there was help out there. I told them in the throws of addiction I would walk over a dead body for a drink. Thankfully my housemate understands mine and was very kind to me so i had a good visit. I feel the cravings coming on today but I'm determined not to drink for today. thank you.

paddyjnr1

Yes friend of Bill thats how it happened with me , first complacency then the meetings started to fade, then the isolation, then resentment and Bam **** you world poor me a drink... Didn't take too long before I had a blade in my hand and wanted to end it all.. I'm sure as hell not out of the woodwork yet as I'm craving something crazy but I know it will pass with time.. I just need to know how to spend that time it's wet and miserable morning here so a walk is out of the question..

Hawkeye13

Just sending you a hug and some support paddy. . .
The cravings will get better as you know, and you're getting back on track quickly.

I spent some time in your beautiful city.
What about the indoor market if you need to get out?
Maybe a coffee and a stroll?

paddyjnr1

oh thank you hawkeye, yes Cork city is beautiful but i'm afraid its also full of "beautiful pubs" which i'm screaming out for now, the cravings are strong and i'm actually afraid to go out..i know that place in the market you are referring to and the coffee is great there, i became a connoisseur of coffee in the last 8 years. I think most us alkies who have a bit of time behind us have. Hahaha, I may ring someone and see do they want to meet up and go somewhere, It probably be safer. Thanks for your thoughts.

paddyjnr1

Just an update to you all how I'm feeling, time is dragging very slowly at the moment for me, every hour feels like a day, my body is screaming for alcohol, my anxiety is at bay though. I am sitting watching TV but pondering with the notion of getting a bottle of wine for some reason, something I haven't drank in a while. One part of my mind is saying no way and the other is saying yeah but what about that lovely fuzzy feeling.... I'm telling myself yes and what about the aftermath, play the tape through u idiot and other is saying just the one wont harm you, you know you want it, no one will need to know. I think I'm going stir crazy, now i'm thinking of taking an extra xanax to block it out but I don't want to abuse them. I have antabuse there which i really need to start on and that will put an end to any decision making. But I'm still clinging on to the thoughts of a drink , god please help me get through this, a member suggested i should go out for coffee but do you know i'm actually afraid to leave the house.
i might ring another Alkie for a chat and see will they come with me.