Robby's Thread II
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Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 4,860
Originally Posted by RobbyRobot 
I do believe there are yet more challenges ahead. Not surprisingly, these challenges I will meet as best I can, and yet I'll also fail in my level of satisfaction. I can't lose my life and not at the same time experience failure. I do believe I can game up now so as to best mitigate such future failures. For me, failure has never been a bad thing. Success is built and nourished on the bones of failure. For me, I have a real opportunity to learn how to die and pass away while at the same time living life to its fullest with respect to my circumstances. I expect the internal dynamics to be spectacular and awesomely amazing. And I have front row seating too!
Sometimes we learn from what might, at face value, seem like the simplest posts. Like "don't drink." Other times, we have the chance to absorb what others teach us, in word and example.
There was a time when I couldn't have benefitted from your wisdom, Rob. I can partly because I've grown and partly because of a former SR member who went by Key Weird.
I was two months sober, all on my own, when I joined SR. The initial sense of accomplishment had worn off; by the time I joined, I was pacing, taking showers, anything to avoid drinking.
In the earlier days, I spent a fair amount of time on the chat here. (I still try to take in one meeting a week. They're great -- 8 p.m., CST, Tuesdays and Fridays.) Right off the bat, I met Key. She was funny and kind. I got the impression she'd lived a pretty wild life in her beloved Key West -- and that it was fun until it wasn't, as is often the case for us. A free spirit.
Soon, though, she was gone and there were references to "keeping Key in our prayers." She had been diagnosed with cancer; things didn't look good. As a sobriety novice, I thought if there was anyone who "deserved" to fall off the wagon, it was Key. If it was me, I thought, I'd dive head first into a box of wine. (My standards weren't high.) She returned to our meetings soon after and I came to learn from her that our sobriety is about so much more how we react to what life hands us.
It is life.
I've always felt like a better person because of the example Key set. She continued to come back as often as possible, frequently logging in from her hospital bed. She remained a free spirit, a sober exemplar. Key died about six months after our paths first crossed.
I hope it's all right for me to share this, Rob (and Melissa). I don't write it to create sadness in this thread, but to express my gratitude. Though I may not post frequently here, I read your thread daily. You're an exemplar, too, and my kindest thoughts go to you.
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Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Bellingham
Posts: 513
Thank you for your story. It's remarkable to think that we will all depart. All of us. None of us will remain. And no one knows what happens and no one knows why, if there is a why. And things boil down to senselessness and yet poetry seems to present itself again and again. A sense of meaning vies with a void. And an hour can be so long, 15 minutes of dozing in the morning. And a lot of thought can get done if one has the strange whim to devote a whole afternoon to the task. And the years can race by in false pursuits and vanity and clutter. Or not. Death walks with us, perhaps as it should. Comfort and joy to you. There is enough strangeness in this bizarre experience to at least come to a fairly reliable conclusion that things aren't as they seem.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: South East England
Posts: 8,009
You know, I'm not a religious person. I don't attend Church, nor believe in the Bible stories...yet I KNOW that one day I will meet up with those people who have left this Earth. I feel it with every bone in my body. That wonderful poem...'death means nothing at all' is MY bible. I have lost my Grandparents and my Dad, but somewhere they are waiting for me. The little ones we have lost at school are somewhere running free of their disabilities and earthly pain. I have had several spiritual experiences when my Nan has felt so close I have been able to smell her perfume.
This is my truth....
This is my truth....
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 10,912
Robby, these were some of the most beautiful thoughts I've read in a while... thanks so much for sharing them
Some news... I just received an ironic request... "ironic" in the context of the cancer stories here on SR. An old friend of mine just emailed me to ask for advice / help for a dear friend of his, who has cancer that recurred after many years symptom-free, and the docs are not optimistic in their country. They are interested in treatment opportunities in the US... I'm waiting to get more info from him on exactly what they are looking for, what type of cancer, etc. Apparently the patient is a woman my age, with two young kids... phew.
It's like it's season for this or something?! Sorry I don't mean to be sarcastic at all, just so sad once again.
Anyhow, I hope everyone's day goes well
Originally Posted by RobbyRobot
I do believe there are yet more challenges ahead. Not surprisingly, these challenges I will meet as best I can, and yet I'll also fail in my level of satisfaction. I can't lose my life and not at the same time experience failure. I do believe I can game up now so as to best mitigate such future failures. For me, failure has never been a bad thing. Success is built and nourished on the bones of failure. For me, I have a real opportunity to learn how to die and pass away while at the same time living life to its fullest with respect to my circumstances. I expect the internal dynamics to be spectacular and awesomely amazing. And I have front row seating too!
It's like it's season for this or something?! Sorry I don't mean to be sarcastic at all, just so sad once again.
Anyhow, I hope everyone's day goes well
p***enger
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: NYC
Posts: 19,044
Good morning, Rob & everyone.
I hope I don't usually engage in too much self-quoting, but this that I posted yesterday to 24 Hrs is just too appropriate for this thread not to be shared.
I hope I don't usually engage in too much self-quoting, but this that I posted yesterday to 24 Hrs is just too appropriate for this thread not to be shared.
The banyan tree, a kind of ficus, has prop roots that grow downward from the branches, seeking soil and water. They grow into thick woody trunks that surround the main trunk and look like trees. Old trees spread in a wide circle, propped up by the young trunks. It looks like a forest but it’s really one tree, with all the “trunks” connected to the original one.
Ficus benghalensis, Indian Banyan. This is the Great Banyan in Howrah (photo by Ashwin Kiran). It covers about 4 acres and the original central trunk has been badly damaged by storms and disease, but the tree lives on, with more than 3000 prop roots.
Ficus benghalensis, Indian Banyan. This is the Great Banyan in Howrah (photo by Ashwin Kiran). It covers about 4 acres and the original central trunk has been badly damaged by storms and disease, but the tree lives on, with more than 3000 prop roots.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Norfolk, MA
Posts: 792
Originally Posted by soberwolf
Hi Robby & Melissa, Today me & mrs sw ordered our first king size bed it will be delivered in a couple weeks its been mattresses on the floor while we saved up
We LOVE our king size bed!!
Lots of room for us AND the kitties!!
Congrats!!
Marchia in Aeternum
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Georgia
Posts: 11,094
Hi, folks. Been a bit absent. Sounds like y'all are having a revelationary continuance of the thread.
I was just on the phone with my mom. A couple of months back my sister and I built and erected an arbor and potted two wisteria in large urns , one to each side of the arbor. Ever grown wisteria? It's a weed. Takes over forests.
Today she's telling me it's dropping yellow leaves. It's been watered well. Growing like mad. Probably 4-6 feet longer vines than when we planted it. New growth is healthy. It's dropping it's oldest leaves.
I feel like that's what's going on here. We're well planted. No one's holding on to their old lives. Instead, we're putting our effort into growth. We're reaching for the sun.
A healthy beautiful garden of people.
I was just on the phone with my mom. A couple of months back my sister and I built and erected an arbor and potted two wisteria in large urns , one to each side of the arbor. Ever grown wisteria? It's a weed. Takes over forests.
Today she's telling me it's dropping yellow leaves. It's been watered well. Growing like mad. Probably 4-6 feet longer vines than when we planted it. New growth is healthy. It's dropping it's oldest leaves.
I feel like that's what's going on here. We're well planted. No one's holding on to their old lives. Instead, we're putting our effort into growth. We're reaching for the sun.
A healthy beautiful garden of people.
...holds the key
Join Date: Dec 2014
Location: Texas
Posts: 7,065
Originally Posted by trachemys
I feel like that's what's going on here. We're well planted. No one's holding on to their old lives. Instead, we're putting our effort into growth. We're reaching for the sun.
A healthy beautiful garden of people.
Robby and Melissa.....please know I've been following this thread daily even if I don't always post. Some days words are just harder to come by than others but you are in my thoughts throughout the day.
Sometimes my heart just hurts so much for you that I can't stand it but then I think about your spirit and the things I've personally gleaned from you and it's like I, and all of us here, carry a little piece of of that spirit with us and I find it comforting.
Here's to king size beds, kitties, and the gift of being able to live our lives in the here and now.
Xoxo
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: canada
Posts: 7,242
living life to the fullest while dying...
(it's what we "should" all be doing. )
Rob, i wouldn't know how to do it. guess there's doing what has meaning for us. being with those who are significant for us.
seems the only other option is victim-collapse. but maybe that's my tendency for either/or thinking jumping up.
may i ask: is it an ever-to-be-renewed decision you're making, to doing that, as situations unfold? an intention you need to keep setting?
please ignore if it's too personal.
(it's what we "should" all be doing. )
Rob, i wouldn't know how to do it. guess there's doing what has meaning for us. being with those who are significant for us.
seems the only other option is victim-collapse. but maybe that's my tendency for either/or thinking jumping up.
may i ask: is it an ever-to-be-renewed decision you're making, to doing that, as situations unfold? an intention you need to keep setting?
please ignore if it's too personal.
Adventures In SpaceTime
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Ottawa, Canada
Posts: 5,827
Originally Posted by fini
may i ask: is it an ever-to-be-renewed decision you're making, to doing that, as situations unfold? an intention you need to keep setting?
please ignore if it's too personal.
please ignore if it's too personal.
For me, living life to the fullest is a once and done irrevocable decision entrenched and entangled into my philosophy on living the good life. Its not about coming to a renewal of terms as circumstances may demand. Its about having personal boundaries now long established by my personal beliefs and nourished by my ongoing personal life experiences good, bad, or otherwise.
Life for me is an inside job. I am responsible for being me, and this responsibility cannot be traded away for anything else. I am who I am by my own hand when we talk of responsibility. However, consequences of my choices made to be me are a joint-responsibility with the fates and powers of life, love, and the universe. Its an impossibly huge world, and only the integrity of my personal boundaries keeps me being me. Otherwise, I would simply be just another insignificant cog enslaved within a machine of indifference. I would be neither hot or cold in my life. I would be at best only lukewarm.
So, I am my own master of leveraging my collective choices into empowered actions which enhance my abilities to live a good life. No one else can do this for me. If I don't, then the good life will decline, and if I allow the decline, then the good life will be nothing more than whatever my flesh can serve up.
Cancer is an illness of my flesh, and so my good life is actually indifferent to its final consequences - my death. I already knew death is part of life since my childhood years. I already know about pain and suffering from my own challenges in my life, and in my empathy and sympathy for others.
The real "personal struggle" with this cancer illness is the forced brevity of the fight. Such little time left to be me, and to be with those I love and love me. I will do my best to create longevity, but this will not always satisfy, yet its simply the best action I can take, so I'll take it. Any other choice leads to even more of a decline.
I hope this brings some answer to your question.
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