Lee1551

My first glimpse of this site was miraculous! When I needed help the most, I sat down at my computer, put out a search on ***** for families of addicted loved ones, and you all were there. Wow. Thank you. I'm the mother of a crack addicted son. He's been addicted for 7 yrs. Many ups and downs. I've been "strong" til last Sat. when I had a complete meltdown. I now know that strong meant holding my feelings in to tight. At my wits end, and because of a lot of beaurocracy at trying to get him back into rehab, I prayed to God (not the first time) to help me. I got on this site and the first thing I saw was........"What addicts do" I can't tell you what that did for me. It says it all! I made a copy and have been showing anyone that will read it. I even faxed a copy to the incompetent court where the judge is a farmer. At my son's request, I asked the court to order him into rehab. He had been voluntary before and would leave. I was very discouraged when the judge was out in the field on his tractor and wouldn't be able to take care of it. Eventually, he did but the whole thing is that so many people "in charge" of addicts are not educated on the subject AT ALL. I've sat month after month in his court room looking around at all the drug and alcohol addicts that need him to do HIS JOB and get them help! He's just a good old guy that doesn't want to make waves. Has anyone else experienced this? My son is in rehab as I speak, but it took so long, he had disappeared, jumped in front of a car, and by all means been dead before he got help. I'm ready to get on my soap box about this. Any advice? Thank you

Galumphus

Hi Lee, glad you found the site and glad it helped. I myself have only been here a few weeks. I'm an alcoholic, clean a whole month on Monday

I can certainly empathize with the frustration you're feeling towards the judge. It must have seemed like he didn't take your and your famaly's problems seriously. However, it seems like you're blaming the judge for much of what has happened. I think you should put the blame where it lies: with your son. Since you're his mother this might be difficult to do. But please realize that no one is to blame for what befalls an addict but the addict himself. I say this as an alcoholic who blamed everyone else under the sun for my problems, except myself. The courts are there to enforce the law, not to absolve people of responsibility for their actions. But that said, it does sound like the judge wasn't particularly knowledgeable about your son's problems, or helpful.

Anyway, when I find myself blaming others for my problems or behavior I repeat the Serenity Prayer, it helps me.

Julie02

Dear Lee1551,
I also am a addict child of a Parent that has done alot for me..I just got out of treatment and am 120 days clean. I want to tell you how grateful I am for having my mom be there , however sometimes feel that I cannot do right even by being sober..Please never give up and pray. I surrender to my higher power and try not to control what comes my way..this is not easy to do because, that what we addicts do..I thougth I was in comtrol when really I was out of control, losing everything including my dignity and self respect, respect for others and my surroundings. I Thank God today and take it minute by minute. Tonight I will pray for you and your addict child to take every moment in, every tool that is taught at rehab will help yur child to serenity.

Sincerely,
Julie02

Yoguina

Hi Lee, I also have a niece who is a crack addict and said that she'll never give it up and that she will use forever...she is like my daughter, NOW 40 YEARS OLD and between my sister(her Mom) and I, we are raising her 3 children...she now only has one more daughter which she is raising... she made babies so she could keep a man to support her habbit and has always ended up alone anyway, I'm glad that your son is at rehab and I'll like to say that it is important never to become the enabler to your son...he is there now and hope he stays and absorbes everithing that is taught there and finally decides to stay clean...some people do make it...my niece
knows that we are there for her, especially when it involves her children but as far
as the relationship between her, my sister and I....there is none...we decided, (when she told us that she would never give up crack)to give her "tough love" and out her from our lives....this hurts tremendously and I always wonder about her and the little girl who will be 5 this 24th ...life has something in store for her and I don't really know what else to do....I have helped her financially, morally and emotionally for years and years and years..to no avail....then, I became tough and began the tough love aproach...maybe some day she will miss us both and decide it's time to give it up and begin raising her daughter properly...unltill then, I will wait!!! hope you have better luck with your son, give him the love he needs and respect you deserve and do not become the enabler I was for so long...he will realize that there is other ways to deal with this bad addiction and the help he is getting should be good to start with...GOD BLESS YOU BOTH!!! may you finally be at peace with yourself...I AM!!!