the pain of sobriety - or sobriety sucks
Member
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: New Mexico
Posts: 617
My advice is the same as others have posted-just hang in there, it'll get better. After a while, your mind will BE USED to being sober- that'll be the big breakthrough. It's just Getting there that's so freaking tough..................
Om, Aum, Ohm...
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Punxsutawney/Pittsburgh
Posts: 4,797
Originally Posted by Marcusk87 
I dont even know if im an alcoholic. I cant manage my life sober either. ITs like bad if im sober but suicide if I drink. No win. Just a lesser of 2 evils.
The level of honesty you bring to your sobriety is up to you. The level of willingness you bring to your sobriety is up to you. A good sponsor can help you through all this anger, but nobody can help you if you're not honest and willing. There is a win -- it's in the honesty and the willingness. It's not without pain and it doesn't happen overnight -- and doesn't happen at all unless you make the decision.
If you feel you can't talk with your sponsor, or if your sponsor isn't willing to take you through the steps, find another one. Please.
Peace & Love,
Sugah
Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Cincinnati, OH
Posts: 28
Originally Posted by LnFRWngHrs_30
Question...Is soberiety a prison, or a key to freedom? 
The key to my freedom was getting to know the person inside me who has never has a chance to be because I was not giving myself the chance. I surrendered, gave myself a chance, and discovered I was not the person I thought I was, or the person I once thought I was--now I am free to be me and not care what others think about me. My prison was what I put myself in while drinking and drugging--the key to freedom was to stop fighting, surrender, and the doors of destiney opened wide. The light was bright, and my Higher Power has guided me with faith, understanding and love--with my sponsors, meetings, steps, and finally the relief I did not or have to do this alone.
Prayers and Blessing to all who read this.
LoneFIREWalkingHorse
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 581
Originally Posted by Marcusk87
I dont even know if im an alcoholic. I cant manage my life sober either. ITs like bad if im sober but suicide if I drink. No win. Just a lesser of 2 evils.
That's why we can't just "not drink." We need to heal and recover.
Trudging that road.
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Seattle Wa
Posts: 6,840
Sobriety is an emotional rollercoaster. I think the people who talk about being pissed off and confused are the people who are being honest about where they are at.
I have gone to meetings that I call fluff meetings where lots of people with less than 3 months have all the answers, they feel great and life is just like walking down the happy lane.
At 3 years or 30 years everybody hits a patch where emotional sobriety gets a bit sticky. Just hang in there I don't have much time I'll be 7 next month and trust me I still have days where I am homicidal but its a step up from suicidal.
Venting is awesome I urge you to keep doing it and praying never hurt anyone that I know of?
I have gone to meetings that I call fluff meetings where lots of people with less than 3 months have all the answers, they feel great and life is just like walking down the happy lane.
At 3 years or 30 years everybody hits a patch where emotional sobriety gets a bit sticky. Just hang in there I don't have much time I'll be 7 next month and trust me I still have days where I am homicidal but its a step up from suicidal.
Venting is awesome I urge you to keep doing it and praying never hurt anyone that I know of?
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 6,262
Oh my god getting sober was a nightmare. I cried every day for four or five months, followed by just feeling crazy all the time. I wasn't restored to sanity, I was introduced to sanity, lol.
But I promise you it gets better. That's true for all of us. What helped me the most was talking about how I felt and keeping the focus on today. I only have to not pick up a drink TODAY.
But I promise you it gets better. That's true for all of us. What helped me the most was talking about how I felt and keeping the focus on today. I only have to not pick up a drink TODAY.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 6,262
I forgot to say early sobriety was so awful it keeps me going to meetings 19+ years later. I don't believe I'd ever be able to go through it again, so I don't take risks.
I described it as PMS in a full moon.
I described it as PMS in a full moon.
Guest
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 609
Marcus, I can't diagnose obviously but it sounds to me a lot like clinical depression. Have you had a professional assessment for that? Or do you have a history? You may have been self medicating it previously.
AA doesn't always seem to be enough for some people. If you're wondering why you're the one who doesn't 'get it', I can see how that could make you feel worse.
AA doesn't always seem to be enough for some people. If you're wondering why you're the one who doesn't 'get it', I can see how that could make you feel worse.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 6,262
The first six months were horrific for me and not because of a craving (mine was lifted). I think I cried every day, just sat in the rooms of AA and bawled. I described it as 24/7 PMS in a full moon. I was so very, very depressed.
Yes, it gets better I promise you. Just keep coming.
Yes, it gets better I promise you. Just keep coming.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Colorado Springs, CO
Posts: 2,391
I remember those first few months, I kept going back to meetings because there were people in there who seemed to be happy and I wanted that.
Clinical depression is treatable. I hope you will talk to someone.
Clinical depression is treatable. I hope you will talk to someone.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: UK
Posts: 4,682
The first year was great, finished the work in AA in the first 3 months, was seeing a CBT counselor every week...discovering new stuff almost everyday, on a real pink cloud...funny though cos i remember thinking make the most of this time because it is all new from the first couple of weeks:-)
I can relate though because i did a year once just by abstaining from alcohol and that sucked bigtime...really horrible...
I can relate though because i did a year once just by abstaining from alcohol and that sucked bigtime...really horrible...
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 6,262
Originally Posted by Marcusk87
Im full of ****. you say "talk to your sponsor" I dont want to. Hes just a sponsor in name, I dont tell him the truth about anything. I hate my life, I still have no happiness in life. Its a perpetual "keep coming" Im tired of being "sober" when im lying about my life. I just never really tell anybody the truth. If I went into a meeting and told the truth it would be anger. Im going to meetings my dad used to go to, he had 10 years and went out the time I came in, hes in mexico right now and his house is apperantly being repossessed (even though he never finished the house). I am 24. I dont give a crap anymore. I fake smile all the time and im so angry. I saw my dad once in the meeting and he shared that he was suicidal at the end of his drinking and i havent seen him at a meeting. I am all alone and sad and miserable and I have a job. But its all bs. And when you respond to this post saying "just talk to somebody" I cant. Ive been speaking and sharing and smiling at meeting and Im full of it completely. Im suicidal. Id rather drink than die so thats what will happen. The truth is impossible for me to share. IDK. Thanks for reading. I dont vibe with all these happy people. Im miserable. Im just so screwed. And I dont know if im a alcoholic. I dont think I am, I think im the child of an alcoholic but I started going to meetings because I was gonna kill myself (jump off a bridge) I understand the part of the first step that says "unmanagability" but not powerless. If my family was ok, if my dad didnt leave my mom for somebody in AA (the meeting I go to) if my mom wasnt a weed smoker, I might not of had so many tragedys in my youth and id be able to handle situations. I go to meetings because if I dont im all alone but im not getting anything out of it and im resentful at people who do. I dont know.
For me this happens when I don't get to enough meetings; so I increase meetings and feel a lot better. After all this time I have a hard time not isolating; I isolated long before I picked up a drink, it's part of who I am. So it's easy to cut back. Then I wonder why I'm so pissed off at everyone and DUH??
You can talk to one person about how you feel, surely. Talking works wonders....
~sb
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MD
Posts: 15,967
AA work is a continuous Life Long process. It's not meant to be finished...it's on-going.
Marcusk87 never truly gave AA "going to any lengths"
"Half measures availed us nothing."
The original (unpublished) big book had a line like: If you've read our text and still disagree, throw out this book and go drink, but it was harsh and was deleted!
Marcusk87 never truly gave AA "going to any lengths"
"Half measures availed us nothing."
The original (unpublished) big book had a line like: If you've read our text and still disagree, throw out this book and go drink, but it was harsh and was deleted!
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