Stanger

Thanks Felica. Looking forward to tonight's meeting.

Chy

Hugs Ladies!! I hope you will join us at the ladies meeting on Thursday's if your able to attend! Stay strong.

abbycanhelp

hey i have 2 years and one month .it gets worse before it gets better but yes the first year was so hard for me. i couldnt stand it when my friends would go out and have fun drinking but be responsible. i was pissed off because i couldnt control myself when i was partying.i still have a problem being around people that talk about it but usually i go to a meeting to let out my frustrations but sometimes i dont feel it go away instantly because over time youll get used to hanging out with yourself cause right now its crusial for you to stay closeto recoverying addicts and alcoholics cause they will help you through it like go hang out with people at a bowling alley or skating with recovering people. its still hard for me to go to clubs just to dance with addicts and im at the two year mark so dont rush things and take things one day at a time love
abby

Marcusk87

Im in my 3rd year and im miserable. I have a job, car, sponsor. If I use I will lose my car, my license, all my money. I just keep faking it til I make it because sober hurts right now but drunk and high is probably a death sentence.

recycle

Marcusk87 congratulations on 3 yrs, and welcome to SR. What hurts?

Marcusk87

Idk, i just wanna scream and break something. I feel no joy.

Marcusk87

I dont even know if im an alcoholic. I cant manage my life sober either. ITs like bad if im sober but suicide if I drink. No win. Just a lesser of 2 evils.

recycle

Have you talked with your sponsor? Mine would tell me to find the next right thing.

Supercrew

I would say bad is the lesser compared to suicide.

Give us some background, 3 years is an awesome acomplishment, what needs to be fixed? And drinking/using obviously isn't an option.

Marcusk87

Im full of ****. you say "talk to your sponsor" I dont want to. Hes just a sponsor in name, I dont tell him the truth about anything. I hate my life, I still have no happiness in life. Its a perpetual "keep coming" Im tired of being "sober" when im lying about my life. I just never really tell anybody the truth. If I went into a meeting and told the truth it would be anger. Im going to meetings my dad used to go to, he had 10 years and went out the time I came in, hes in mexico right now and his house is apperantly being repossessed (even though he never finished the house). I am 24. I dont give a crap anymore. I fake smile all the time and im so angry. I saw my dad once in the meeting and he shared that he was suicidal at the end of his drinking and i havent seen him at a meeting. I am all alone and sad and miserable and I have a job. But its all bs. And when you respond to this post saying "just talk to somebody" I cant. Ive been speaking and sharing and smiling at meeting and Im full of it completely. Im suicidal. Id rather drink than die so thats what will happen. The truth is impossible for me to share. IDK. Thanks for reading. I dont vibe with all these happy people. Im miserable. Im just so screwed. And I dont know if im a alcoholic. I dont think I am, I think im the child of an alcoholic but I started going to meetings because I was gonna kill myself (jump off a bridge) I understand the part of the first step that says "unmanagability" but not powerless. If my family was ok, if my dad didnt leave my mom for somebody in AA (the meeting I go to) if my mom wasnt a weed smoker, I might not of had so many tragedys in my youth and id be able to handle situations. I go to meetings because if I dont im all alone but im not getting anything out of it and im resentful at people who do. I dont know.

Dee74

You sound a lot like me Markus. I knew what to do but I wouldn't do it.
I wore my anger like a coat.

The world had stiffed me one too many times and I was going go out in a blaze - they'd all see then - hell yeah.

Anger resentment and bitterness was easier for me than stopping and facing the things that were stopping me from having a good life and a little peace.

If you're serious about all this and you really think there's no point in anything...then there's probably nothing anyone here can say to you.

But I don't believe it. You posted here for a reason.

I really didn't want to die either - I just wasn't sure my life was worth living or that I was worth saving. And that right there was the crux of the matter for me.

I really urge you to talk to someone - really talk - no fake smiles, no false I'm OKs...really talk to someone.

If your sponsor is no good to you - fire him. If there's noone in AA you respect or trust enough, look for a counsellor.

Face the stuff thats making you angry - deal with it - live with it - then you'll know peace.

I promise.

D

Supercrew

I don't go to meetings, because I know I would be lying and I wouldn't be happy at them. I stay sober because I want to. If you are going to meetings just to be with people, and you aren't sure you are an alcoholic why not look for other friends and activities?

recycle

Sounds like you are getting a little more open honest with that last post. (Nothing bad happened we are still listening BTW.) Have you ever thought about what the second A in AA is all about? For me it is about being able to walk into a meeting and tell the truth without judgement (or at least judgement that follows me home). Not all meetings provide this, and it sounds like you do not feel very anonymous in your meeting. If you are not convinced you are and alcoholic what about ACOA or ALANON?

I sound like an AA evangelist but I am not. There are lots of ways to deal with you ca-ca. 12 step programs are free, and the is a lot of them, and so far they are working for me, so I go. SR is a dam fine resource that has helped me. You can talk about your crap here. You can even get angry about it here. There are one or two people around here that came in here more than a little pissed off about life.

Latte

Every day it gets a little easier. Some days are just bad, but talk to a normie and they have those same bad days.

Keep coming back!

fulminouscherub

34 months here. The first year was hard because I wasn't used to not being able to crawl into a bottle to hide from bad feelings. So I felt them, survived, and grew a little stronger.

Life got better. Then it got worse. Then better again, but different.

Sobriety is a skill that grows with practice. One day at a time.

Two reasons I like to go to meetings: one, I like to hear that people's lives kept improving with sobriety. Two, I like to hear from the recently relapsed and returned that I'm not missing much out there.

I used to drink more than was good for me. I'm enjoying learning how to treat myself better.

Carpediem1

I'm told that the first year is the hardest but hang in there. I've also heard that living life sober is far more exciting and meaningful than seeing the world through blurry eyes.

LaFemme

Hey Marcus.

Have You ever considered therapy...it sounds to me like you might benefit from professional help.

Keep us posted...we care.

Brian1983

Marcus, a good thing for people who are dealing with these type of issues, that I hear quite often in the rooms, is to start and look in a mirror and be honest with yourself. It is okay to be you and not everybody has to like you, we are all different with many different opinions and foundations. Acceptance is a big part of recovery and you are going to have to learn to like yourself. This is where your priorities lie and what makes recovery so important, it must be put way at the top of the list so everything else falls in place. Stop lying to people and stop lying to yourself, before you say something stop and think about it, you do not have to please everybody.

Boleo

Me to. I suffered from alcohol-issues when I drank and alcohol-ISM when I stopped drinking. The further I got away from my last drink the more restless, irritable and discontented I felt.

Having had a spiritual awakening as a result of taking the 12 steps, I find my life is still unmanageable. However, I feel like I am not suffering as much. I no longer want to use alcohol every time things go wrong. In fact, even if EVERYTHING goes wrong during the day, when my head hits the pillow, I feel a sense of purpose and peace of mind that alcohol only gave me in my early days of drinking.

Seren

Hey Marcus,

Here's someone else who was going to "show them" by jumping off a bridge....turned out allright in my humble opinion. Take a peek if you have 12.5 minutes to spare....

YouTube - Ferguson Speaks From The Heart