Bluesman1952

Hi - Haven't been here in a bit - tried a few times to give up the booze and failed, but now, after 7 days, I guess I am detoxed safely at home - Oh lucky me....Now what? I have realized alcohol and I have nothing in common - I used to wake up after only 3 beers in total horrors and crying all the time. OK - That all stopped, but what and where is my life? I feel I never had a life because I drank since I could remember. I am 62, but I don't feel that age and I am looking for who I am, and what I can do to find what "happy" is again. I haven't picked up my guitar in months - gone fishing or hunting in years - I have NO DESIRE to do anything except I do manage to get all chores done so my wife can come home from work worry free. I don't know how much time God has planned for me to live, but I do know I want to live differently than I am now - I tried support groups, but I just don't feel like doing anything. Advice please.

Thank you.

Yankee73

Hi Blue,
I could have written your post. Have no fear, what you're feeling is normal (like we even know what "normal" is). When you rely on alcohol to live and function and it's actually your entire identity, when you remove it, it's sort of like being stranded in the desert with a toothpick and a shoe, then trying to create a new life from that like you're supposed to be MacGyver.

Feeling that way shows you how much it was your identity. If nothing else, I could at least rely on the fact that I was an alcohol abuser. Take alcohol away and who was I?

Don't be hard on yourself. At least you're getting chores done. That's a start. You are not drinking. That's the most important thing on your list. We expect to sober up and have fireworks shoot off and confetti rain down. It doesn't. We have to figure out what we like and what makes us happy through trial and error and that takes time.

foolsgold66

Do those things you used to enjoy even though you have no desire. Perhaps you've just obliterated the association of enjoyment through your alcohol obsession. You may need to rediscover that. Give it a shot, bet ya it will work.....

Bluesman1952

Thanks for the nice posts - What I am most afraid of is, that going fishing, playing guitar, playing pool, or anything i ever did, went hand in hand with a few dozen beers LOL! Here I am laughing about it, but I am afraid those things will trigger me....Just went out and washed the car - After a few minutes I regretted starting the job - I got a bad panic attack and still am shaking from it - it is a scary thing, but not as scary as waking up with the horrors. I will keep working on it. :-)

foolsgold66

Understand. Well, work your way into it slowly. Good advice in general for one learning to abstain from drink. Put an alcohol-free substitute in your hand. Many here like a fizzy water of sorts...

pinkdog

Hi Blues, I didn't feel like doing things much the first few months. I forced myself to get out and walk. It got easier and became enjoyable. I believe your body is still detoxing. Keep going. You can do this. Good job on helping your wife. Do things like that.

sugarbear1

Give yourself time to heal.

What goes up high, comes down low, then evens out. Your motivation and desire WILL return....better than before!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hugs,
~SB

stifledspirit

I'm sending you a massive hug............and i thankyou for posting........hope you're feeling better xxx

fini

Blues,
just thinking you might find some help from the LifeRing workbook, Martin Nicolaus' "Recovery by Choice". i'm not their salesperson , but used it right at the beginning of my recovery and it's full of stuff to explore about the "what now????" and your own individual way going forward. you can order it from their website; it arrives quickly.

but I do know I want to live differently than I am now

this is a great thing to know, even if you don't know the "how" just yet. start small. maybe just tune the guitar. buy a fishing magazine. read some recovery stuff. walk around the block. post something.
no-one is going to tell you it's easy. it's work; no doubt about it.

one foot in front of the other and keep going.
congratulations on starting your second week!

Dee74

Hi Blue

Not sure how long you've been sober but I went through that for a few months - at the time I was just happy to be alive and I figured it was the price I'd have to pay...but things got better

see your Dr if you're concerned tho - and maybe break out guitar, play along to some records or something...naturally if you feel you'll be triggered, ok maybe thats not such a good idea for you but it really helped me...

you might find you get lost in the music and it's not an issue?

I'd also, honestly, rethink the support groups thing - sounds like doing this on your own is kinda tortuous?

There's a boatload of alternatives out there - did you check out this link last time I posted it?

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...formation.html

I also recommend you visit the Secular Connections forum if you think you may benefit from a non 12 step approach

D

Bluesman1952

I would like to thank ALL who have posted here - I am sorry I didn't get back sooner, but I am not getting email notifications??? I have to check my settings. I am only sober now day 8 - I feel good, I get some headaches and don't sleep - doc wants to give me meds but I refuse...I did poick up the guitar, and I did go for a walk, and I did some target shooting, and I now see I CAN control ME - Even took my wife to dinner last night. People all around drinking "house specials", and we had lemon water - Funny how drunk people look now when I look at them and I am sober. I am going to fix my settings so I get notifications of new posts.!
Thanks to ALL!!!

bigsombrero

I empathize. I'm approaching 40, and this is my first year living as a "sober adult". It's been like cleaning up after a tornado - looking at all the pieces of my life strewn all over the place, figuring out what parts of my life I can keep and what parts are too damaged to use anymore.

You're not alone. I don't have any solutions, just want to let you know you have company. For what it's worth, I feel like this is much better than the alternative. Have patience and be kind to yourself.

Bluesman1952

Sorry I didn't see this sooner but I haven't been getting emails when a response comes in - I am still sober and doing OK but still have bad shakes....docs wanna give me meds but I don't want anything else to get addicted to - How long do these shakes last? Anything I can do for them?

Itchy

For me, who drank all day and night, breathing was done with alcohol. I still breathe. I was under the influence for TV, yard work, social events, while eating, and smoking which I quit at the same time. I am 61 and quit three years ago. Married and retired too. I keep busy now but the first six months I was having a lot of PAWS.

My shakes and memory issues, sleep issues, and digestive tract issues were still there until a few weeks later. It takes time. I avoid all meds too except antibiotics and daily Naproxin Sodium and Nexium.

It is three years later and I am doing fine. Hang on there and you will too. Congrats on your week!

Bluesman1952

Thanks Itchy! I am 61 also. I quit drinking 100 times, but the effects got so bad, that this is it for me - I just can't tolerate the shaking - I am a guitarist and this is getting in my way - I am going to try natural things like magnesium (i hope I can post that here). I don't know what else to do - sleep is a problem as well, but I am not craving and take each day one by one. So far so good, and I have been through some rough times this past week and I didn't give in. Thanks for the post!

Itchy

I had my doc doing blood tests, and checked in here to see if the crazies of insomnia, (which I never had before,) the morning shakes (I had to drink first thing to stop shaking,) all kinds of bad seeming things, discomfort, and bowel irregularities, with anxiety (which I never had as a panic attack before hit me a couple of times when I was afraid quitting would be worse than going back,) were normal.

It wasn't worse than going back to drinking, but can be a bit off-putting.
But that not to say not to see your doc if anything scary to you happens. That was what caused my panic attack, not going for several days then going too much. My system was totally messed up for a month, then eased up over a few more. Here is a short description.
Post Acute Withdrawal Syndrom (PAWS)|Intervention Services Virginia

I was 58 when I quit and was drinking 30 plus units a day! A unit is one beer, one shot, six ounces of wine. I was also smoking 3 packs a day so I was going through double withdrawal and PAWS. I was shaking so much in the mornings I had to put shots of scotch in my morning coffees to get normal. Many times I could not hold it down and after puking had to try again. I am pretty sure I would already have been dead a year by now had I not quit.

Some of the feelings and systemic readjustments tempted me sorely to drink just to get some physical and emotional peace. As if failing would have brought any long term peace except resting in peace for eternity. It did feel like I was between a rock and the proverbial hard place for the first month, and then it slowly got much better over the next month or two. I had energy the whole time alternating with feeling depressed. No I am no bipolar or anything else. By six months my fog was long gone and I got my days and nights back in order, as well as my lower digestive tract. But even though I thought I was over it, looking back I see where it just gradually got better with time over the first two years.

I was a guitarist too! Played from age 12 to 55. I lost my dexterity in my left hand from Dupuytren's contracture, Dupuytren's contracture - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
I wish I had my guitar to beat on through the ordeal and now. I still write but it is not the same as playing it.

I did not get my motivation back for about a year. The problem is that my back and neck issues from a military career with injuries caught up to me. So my old favorites, skiing, scuba diving, racquet sports are no longer possible. But I can still take short walks with the pups, and run the lawn equipment on our 5 acres. So for now, doing fine. I can still do millions of things many can't. No canes or wheelchairs and have a good neurologist trying to talk me into replacing a neck vertebrae now.

All that not to throw a self pity party, but to let you know that since we drank for decades it will take a few months to get really on the road to recovery. But better that we do. The alternative is no longer an option. I am recovered. No cravings, nada.

So hang in there and play some licks for me. Life doesn't get better, we do!

Itchy

Blues
BTW,
To clarify. I still have my guitar, an awesome early 70s dreadnaught I had a Martin under bone pickup installed in and it is a terrific guitar in action, aged to exceptional voice and projection. It beat, and replaced my 1958 Gibson J-50 that aged well and the thin neck stayed straight! My youngest son took up guitar two years ago at 36 and asked for it. I found him a nice Yamaha that would be acceptable to me if I didn't have mine. I explained to him that a guitar is part of the guitarist. All of us have one we keep and hold dear, literally. I just can't play it very well. I only have a mild case in my left hand, enough to stop fretwork and fingering.

I also had short term memory issues from PAWS that healed up too. But it sure scared me when I would start something and get distracted then find it half finished later. I finally gave myself permission to wander from workshop to storage building to house and back and not panicking thinking I had Alzheimer's. Thank goodness I found out that PAWS happens to most of us to a greater or lesser degree. Once I knew it would get better nothing made me flinch in my sobriety.

But had it not been for face to face in AA, which I only did for three months that I would do again, and here, to know I wasn't crazy or losing it, just needed more or less time than the next guy, I could hang in there and get through the scary/uncomfortable/painful parts.

But now, I am not frantic to be somebody I am not. I am not the same guy I was three years and a month ago. In the same way I am not the same guy I was at age 15. Thank goodness!!!

FBL

Give yourself some time. I drank for nearly 30 years and so it did take me some time to figure out "now what"??? I re-discovered some hobbies that I let fall by the wayside so I could drink more. I also started to work out some of the issues that led to my drinking so much in the first place. Now, after 4+ years sober, I have trouble finding enough hours in the day! The longer you stay sober and work on yourself, the more rewarding your life will become and the more you'll be determined not to go back to drinking.

bigsombrero

No medical advice can be given here and I'm not qualified to tell you when the shakes will go away. But, I can tell you that they WILL go away. Mine have. I can't remember when they disappeared, but I have a steady hand these days. I would imagine a month or so. Your body needs time to heal, man, this doesn't happen overnight.

As for the problems it creates with your guitar playing...do you think being wasted while playing might also create problems? They key is to stop getting in your own way with your alcoholic brain. You KNOW it's the right thing to do. Stay stopped. Stay sober. It only gets better. Good luck.

bluesstratguy

On the guitar playing -- I think eventually it can be a big help in staying sober. I've been quit for over a year and playing the blues for hours on end really got me through. My playing has improved more than it had in years because of the hours of focused effort I suddenly could put in. For me, playing guitar was the only way I could relax without a drink in my hand each night. In fact I think I'll go go play right now before I hit the sack...