The final chance to stop this cycle, what did you do differently?
Member
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: UK
Posts: 333
Originally Posted by Mark75 
You are going to the wrong meetings then... I go to about 3 a week, and that's definitely NOT what we talk about. We talk about the solution, our experience, strength and HOPE...
Oh, and we laugh alot...
Mark
BTW - AA is not the meetings, it is the steps... maybe look into them?
Oh, and we laugh alot...
Mark
BTW - AA is not the meetings, it is the steps... maybe look into them?
I was, in fact, very wrong! I have just started going to meetings and for the first time ever in my 30 year drinking career (highlights not pretty ) I know I am one of 'those' people, they are funny, kind, intelligent, some a bit stupid, annoying, friendly, some I like, some i don't...Sounds familiar? Yes, it's called People - the same people you probably see every day. You won't like them all, some will become friends, some will become acquaintances, some you won't have anything in common with. It's just the same as going into work, or into a drama group, or a gym class, or anywhere that you mix with people. And there were people I KNEW! shock! yes, work acquaintances, neighbours. So what? They were probably as surprised to see me as I was them - we alcoholics can be very sneaky when we want to!
That's my feeling. And I am grateful everyday to have made that call, to have been called back and been invited in that dismal night.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: San Francisco, California
Posts: 217
For years I was under the impression I "could do better", I could manage my drinking. Once I stopped for about 2 wks after a sloppy incident. However I did not have the insight that I was in a very bad cycle and always believed a glass of wine was one of life's pleasures and I could control my drinking. Early on, I could. Now drinking controlled me.
This last time - week ago, I hurt my husband (again) and kids by letting them see me drunk. (Not intentional, just sloppy). The kids actually approached him and asked what happened to me. What could they do? They didn't sign up for my Hell. They deserve better. My husband and I love each other dearly, but I don't think he would have married me if he knew this would happen. I wouldn't blame him. I didn't know this was going to happen either. I used to be a party girl. Now I was just a mess. This was the bottom for me. My kids are older, so I apologized to them, told them I plan never to drink again (they were smiling) and am actively seeking help.
It's extremely unfair to those around you. I even read the SR section for family and friends of alcoholics to drive home to me what I have put them through. I have said sorry and I'll do better in the past, only to screw up again. I didn't want to face the rest of my life without an occ glass of wine, especially at a party or event. This is the FIRST time I accepted I can NEVER drink again.
The best thing I have done so far was to join SR. I finally found people like me! I read their stories and listened to their advice. Not one story of intent to moderate drinking resulted in that. We have good intentions, but can't follow through. We're wired differently.
Next step is to find the intervention that is right for me. My husband has programs though his work that he contacted. I have homework to do to explore my options. Even if you went to a program and didn't like it, you can always stop and look for another. I was hoping that will power and SR would be enough. But it certainly can't hurt to add other helpful tools to recovery, can it?
Think about your choices:
You can quit for good and embrace your family.
You can keep drinking, lose your family and make alcohol your family.
Best wishes, yoli
This last time - week ago, I hurt my husband (again) and kids by letting them see me drunk. (Not intentional, just sloppy). The kids actually approached him and asked what happened to me. What could they do? They didn't sign up for my Hell. They deserve better. My husband and I love each other dearly, but I don't think he would have married me if he knew this would happen. I wouldn't blame him. I didn't know this was going to happen either. I used to be a party girl. Now I was just a mess. This was the bottom for me. My kids are older, so I apologized to them, told them I plan never to drink again (they were smiling) and am actively seeking help.
It's extremely unfair to those around you. I even read the SR section for family and friends of alcoholics to drive home to me what I have put them through. I have said sorry and I'll do better in the past, only to screw up again. I didn't want to face the rest of my life without an occ glass of wine, especially at a party or event. This is the FIRST time I accepted I can NEVER drink again.
The best thing I have done so far was to join SR. I finally found people like me! I read their stories and listened to their advice. Not one story of intent to moderate drinking resulted in that. We have good intentions, but can't follow through. We're wired differently.
Next step is to find the intervention that is right for me. My husband has programs though his work that he contacted. I have homework to do to explore my options. Even if you went to a program and didn't like it, you can always stop and look for another. I was hoping that will power and SR would be enough. But it certainly can't hurt to add other helpful tools to recovery, can it?
Think about your choices:
You can quit for good and embrace your family.
You can keep drinking, lose your family and make alcohol your family.
Best wishes, yoli
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: dayton, oh
Posts: 487
I had to reach my physical low, a sickness so dire that I was not able to function without alcohol. A cycle of alcohol poisoning and withdrawal that by some grace did not kill me but awakened me to the only alternative, a real healthy life. No matter where you stop, the cure is the same- Don't drink, not even if your A$$ falls off and be grateful for the simple things in life.
SH
SH
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 567
Step !, the first half of Step 1, "powerless over alcohol",
the physical side of it, when you think of a drink is one thing, obsess over that thought is another thing, succumb ( drink) to the thought because the obesseion becomes overwhelming is now physical because ask yourself this,
will you crave more that first drink?
And, does your personality change due to taking those first few drinks?
Can you stop this "change in personality"? ( the one that says, "it's ok, I'm not that drunk, yet" )
and then can you stop yourself from drinking out of control, drink heavy
or can you moderate?
Then consider the possiblity you are powerless, and life become unmangeable, due to alcohol consumption.
The cycle may continue, ( write your own version, it's the same basic script)
Then we swear on a bible "it won't happen again", that firm resolution, then some time passes, ( 2 weeks for me when I drank) and we think all is forgiven, ( I was so sure it was, HA!)
So, will you try again, take that first drink after the thought of a drink that turns into an obsession, the obsession gets overwhelming, succumbed to the drink, the physical craving kicks in, the personality changes, "Jekyl and Hyde" crank it all up again, it becomes another big mess, life gets now more unmanageable on top of the previous unmanaged wrecks, and on it goes.
If that is the case, then my friend, quitting will not help you.
Surrendering will, surrendering to the thought! The thought that one day you will conquer, Alcohol!
That's what I did, I surrenderd to that thought, that I will "learn to drink" like others and keep the peace! nada mada, no no no, it a lie!
I did not surrender to living,
living without alcohol in MY living, it what I changed, and then things started to change around me, for the better, slow, yes, but it got better!
No one from the pubs I drank at have yet to call and ask, "how's life today"?
No one.
Example, I can go to a pub, with family, order my meal and orange juice, they can have their grog.
The thought, yes, it will get sneaky, sneaky, sneaky wittle thought, I just wait for it, BUT, the obsession, that obsession , the intruder, will not rise, I pray for help and my AA meetings. ( books study and steps workshops even if I am in a daze, I just go there, and may still come out more confused, but I'm sober)
I will not give it ( the obsession ) millionth of a millionth of a inch to tantalize my natural thought of alcohol, I am a alcoholic, it is natural for me to want to drink alcohol because I get restless in sobriety, I cannot stop that I am powerless.
But alcohol is no longer my solution to that restlsessness.
What I can do, is not obsess over it. ( Alcohol, as the solution).
However, we do have emotions, it can weaken my defences, "Mr Obsession" can use my emotions on a bad day to tantalize my thoughts, then I must do the disciplines I found by going to AA, and hope to now share these expereinces, it helps to pee off "Mr Obsession" for another day so it may not get at my natural thought of a damn drink via my emotions.
I'm a gratefull recovering alcoholic.
the physical side of it, when you think of a drink is one thing, obsess over that thought is another thing, succumb ( drink) to the thought because the obesseion becomes overwhelming is now physical because ask yourself this,
will you crave more that first drink?
And, does your personality change due to taking those first few drinks?
Can you stop this "change in personality"? ( the one that says, "it's ok, I'm not that drunk, yet" )
and then can you stop yourself from drinking out of control, drink heavy
or can you moderate?
Then consider the possiblity you are powerless, and life become unmangeable, due to alcohol consumption.
The cycle may continue, ( write your own version, it's the same basic script)
Then we swear on a bible "it won't happen again", that firm resolution, then some time passes, ( 2 weeks for me when I drank) and we think all is forgiven, ( I was so sure it was, HA!)
So, will you try again, take that first drink after the thought of a drink that turns into an obsession, the obsession gets overwhelming, succumbed to the drink, the physical craving kicks in, the personality changes, "Jekyl and Hyde" crank it all up again, it becomes another big mess, life gets now more unmanageable on top of the previous unmanaged wrecks, and on it goes.
If that is the case, then my friend, quitting will not help you.
Surrendering will, surrendering to the thought! The thought that one day you will conquer, Alcohol!
That's what I did, I surrenderd to that thought, that I will "learn to drink" like others and keep the peace! nada mada, no no no, it a lie!
I did not surrender to living,
living without alcohol in MY living, it what I changed, and then things started to change around me, for the better, slow, yes, but it got better!
No one from the pubs I drank at have yet to call and ask, "how's life today"?
No one.
Example, I can go to a pub, with family, order my meal and orange juice, they can have their grog.
The thought, yes, it will get sneaky, sneaky, sneaky wittle thought, I just wait for it, BUT, the obsession, that obsession , the intruder, will not rise, I pray for help and my AA meetings. ( books study and steps workshops even if I am in a daze, I just go there, and may still come out more confused, but I'm sober)
I will not give it ( the obsession ) millionth of a millionth of a inch to tantalize my natural thought of alcohol, I am a alcoholic, it is natural for me to want to drink alcohol because I get restless in sobriety, I cannot stop that I am powerless.
But alcohol is no longer my solution to that restlsessness.
What I can do, is not obsess over it. ( Alcohol, as the solution).
However, we do have emotions, it can weaken my defences, "Mr Obsession" can use my emotions on a bad day to tantalize my thoughts, then I must do the disciplines I found by going to AA, and hope to now share these expereinces, it helps to pee off "Mr Obsession" for another day so it may not get at my natural thought of a damn drink via my emotions.
I'm a gratefull recovering alcoholic.
Laozi Old Man
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Detroit, MI
Posts: 6,665
Originally Posted by Scrubmuncher
What do you do differently to really crack it. How do you make yourself not want a drink...
I have never even once tried to make myself not drink. I stay spiritually fit one-day-at-a-time and thoughts of drinking do not show up on my radar screen in any way, shape or form.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 426
Originally Posted by Supercrew
For me SM, I had to find my reason. I had the threats from my wife, I was given ultimatums again and again, but I never truly believed that she would have the nerve to walk out and leave me with my son. My health was getting worse, and I knew that basically 3 years of non stop drinking was hurting me bad, my brain and my body, but that wasn't enough. The work it took to stay functioning and drinking the way I was became a huge chore, and it was costing me alot of money and time. Then I started to have serious withdrawals instead of just hangovers.
Any one of these things wasn't going to keep me from what I thought I loved the most, drinking.
Top off that with the fact that I tried very hard the previous 6 months to quit, yet the bottle kept finding a way to my lips. I had been to AA 10 years earlier, and I refused to go back because I truly didn't believe it would help me.
I was sitting right here on my computer the day after a terrible withdrawal, empty beer cans littered my trash can and were stashed under my sink and throughout my closet and my bookcase. Empty vodka bottles were hidden in under my desk and in my drawers, but I was out of everything. My wife gave me the last ultimatum that she was leaving if I didn't get help, and I broke down and cried saying just find me something other than AA and I am there. She looked at me like I was a nut and slammed the door as she left my office.
I got myself together and got online to search for an option, and the first website I pulled up was SR.
As I read post after post of people that sounded just like me, I started evaluating why I drank and what I had to lose if I didn't stop. It was the first time I really weighed all the reprecussions that drinking has had in my life, and all future reprecussions that it would have if I continued.
Once I was able to really look at the problems and future problems that laid ahead I got real smart and real mature real fast. I started writing an outline of a recovery program for myself basically to fill my time, keep me healthy and to keep me happy without alcohol, then I decided that I wasn't going to drink for that day no matter what. Then I repeated that over and over again for 100 days in a row, and not drinking became easy and enjoyable.
I found that maybe one little thing couldn't keep me from drinking, but when I put together my list of everything from the loss of money and time, to the loss of my family to the chance of losing my job and maybe my license and the list went on and on it wasn't hard after I got the first few weeks under my belt. I ultimately convinced myself that I did not want to drink and I loved being sober more than the pain of drinking, and my life is still improving to this day. I still have this written over my computer and it was a little saying that I read the first day I found SR:
"There are no reasons to drink, only excuses."
I'm not saying that my method will work for you, because we are all different and we all learn and react differently to different situations. Basically quitting drinking came down to me finally taking and active role in making it happen, because my brain wasn't willing to stop without me making a real effort to quit. I look at it this way. If my home was burning down I could just sit and watch it burn, or I could get a bucket of water and start trying to put it out, the more people I can get for support,(My wife, my family and SR), the faster I will be able to control the fire, and if it is still out of control I can always wait for the fire dept. (AA). Well I put the fire out with my bucket and the help of my wife and family and SR.
First thing you need to do is take a stand to not drink again and get active in some kind of program.
You can do it, it's hard, but it can be done.
Any one of these things wasn't going to keep me from what I thought I loved the most, drinking.
Top off that with the fact that I tried very hard the previous 6 months to quit, yet the bottle kept finding a way to my lips. I had been to AA 10 years earlier, and I refused to go back because I truly didn't believe it would help me.
I was sitting right here on my computer the day after a terrible withdrawal, empty beer cans littered my trash can and were stashed under my sink and throughout my closet and my bookcase. Empty vodka bottles were hidden in under my desk and in my drawers, but I was out of everything. My wife gave me the last ultimatum that she was leaving if I didn't get help, and I broke down and cried saying just find me something other than AA and I am there. She looked at me like I was a nut and slammed the door as she left my office.
I got myself together and got online to search for an option, and the first website I pulled up was SR.
As I read post after post of people that sounded just like me, I started evaluating why I drank and what I had to lose if I didn't stop. It was the first time I really weighed all the reprecussions that drinking has had in my life, and all future reprecussions that it would have if I continued.
Once I was able to really look at the problems and future problems that laid ahead I got real smart and real mature real fast. I started writing an outline of a recovery program for myself basically to fill my time, keep me healthy and to keep me happy without alcohol, then I decided that I wasn't going to drink for that day no matter what. Then I repeated that over and over again for 100 days in a row, and not drinking became easy and enjoyable.
I found that maybe one little thing couldn't keep me from drinking, but when I put together my list of everything from the loss of money and time, to the loss of my family to the chance of losing my job and maybe my license and the list went on and on it wasn't hard after I got the first few weeks under my belt. I ultimately convinced myself that I did not want to drink and I loved being sober more than the pain of drinking, and my life is still improving to this day. I still have this written over my computer and it was a little saying that I read the first day I found SR:
"There are no reasons to drink, only excuses."
I'm not saying that my method will work for you, because we are all different and we all learn and react differently to different situations. Basically quitting drinking came down to me finally taking and active role in making it happen, because my brain wasn't willing to stop without me making a real effort to quit. I look at it this way. If my home was burning down I could just sit and watch it burn, or I could get a bucket of water and start trying to put it out, the more people I can get for support,(My wife, my family and SR), the faster I will be able to control the fire, and if it is still out of control I can always wait for the fire dept. (AA). Well I put the fire out with my bucket and the help of my wife and family and SR.
First thing you need to do is take a stand to not drink again and get active in some kind of program.
You can do it, it's hard, but it can be done.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 1
I used to go out with my friends to watch the football matches. I told them I stppoed drinking. They laughed at me but something happened then.. I was laughing at them inside myself. Everytime they took a sip there was some kind of releif in me.
I also started using Facebook where I used to post everyday regarding how am combating the urge. People used to reply to the posts and somehow it provided a releif. It made me post something humourous about Alcohol everyday.
After a month there was no urge at all. Now I drink but occasionally, like once a month or once in 2 months.
I also started using Facebook where I used to post everyday regarding how am combating the urge. People used to reply to the posts and somehow it provided a releif. It made me post something humourous about Alcohol everyday.
After a month there was no urge at all. Now I drink but occasionally, like once a month or once in 2 months.
Om, Aum, Ohm...
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Punxsutawney/Pittsburgh
Posts: 4,797
Originally Posted by Scrubmuncher
I hear what you are saying, but sitting around talking about how much we have lost is depressing enough to drive me to drink, I need to keep my mind off it not on it. After my 10 day DTox some years ago I went to a couple of meetings and after each meeting half the guys there were straight down the pub, propping the bar up, all feeling sorry for ourselves and what we had lost. I frightening to put myself in that place, life seems safe under my bed covers, I don't want a drink and I no one can harm me, but I can't stay in here for the rest of my life, I'm on day 9 of lying in bed, hiding, apart from a brief 2 minute walk that was a disaster.
A rock and a hard place. If I stay here, I am out of harms reach, but I'm probably going to give myself a complex even worse if I never do something to enter the real world.
Difficult one!
A rock and a hard place. If I stay here, I am out of harms reach, but I'm probably going to give myself a complex even worse if I never do something to enter the real world.
Difficult one!
There's a solution in AA, and it doesn't involve just putting our past out of our mind. It doesn't involve blaming others because they don't understand. It doesn't involve expectations that just because we're sober, others should welcome us back with open arms. It involves confronting ourselves, finding some kind of Higher Power outside the failed god of alcohol and our own inflated egos, cleaning up the messes we made in our lives and doing the best to clean up the messes we've made in the lives of others--and then learning, through a spiritual awakening, a less self-centered and selfish way of living.
If all you're looking for is a way to put the plug in the jug and convincing your parents and your spouse to pat you on the back and tell you you're doing a good job, I can't help you. But, if you're looking to live a life in which you don't need to pick up a drink--you can find it by seeking out a real AA meeting and then asking someone there to show you how.
Peace & Love,
Sugah
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 6,262
Walked in the doors of AA and just gave up. Knew I couldn't control alcohol and admitted it. I got a sponsor and did everything she told me to do. I realized it was either do this or die. And, as someone pointed out, "my best thinking got me here...."
instant
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Australia
Posts: 5,711
I am in awe of the depth and quality of the advice in this thread. Seems to be a contrast with some others in 'recovery' you have met in 'real life'.
I wonder if working through this sentence from your post could help you in getting beyond where you are
What turned you off liking alcohol?
The answer from me is 'nothing'. I am only day 18, and even though I am very committed, the truth is I like to buzz from alcohol BUT I have learned I can't have that without everything that comes with it. I don't want the negatives, and there are so many of them - as there are for you. So working through this issue to another way forward is intertwined with the first three of the 12 steps (IMO).
What ever our problems are alcohol is not the solution
I wonder if working through this sentence from your post could help you in getting beyond where you are
What turned you off liking alcohol?
The answer from me is 'nothing'. I am only day 18, and even though I am very committed, the truth is I like to buzz from alcohol BUT I have learned I can't have that without everything that comes with it. I don't want the negatives, and there are so many of them - as there are for you. So working through this issue to another way forward is intertwined with the first three of the 12 steps (IMO).
What ever our problems are alcohol is not the solution
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: UK
Posts: 1,130
I agree with others that there's a lot of wisdom on this thread and I hope it will benefit everyone who reads it. It's certainly benefitting me!
Let's deal with the AA issue first off. There is no other support network which is so widespread, free and effective. If you choose to reject it, you are going to have search long and hard for anything to replace it. Let's bear in mind that Scrubmuncher started this discussion by talking about "a last chance to stop the cycle." If it's a last chance, as it was for me, the time for debating the pros and cons of various recovery options is over. AA is near here, it's free and it's meeting tonight. I will be there because I've decided it's that or one other option: drinking.
I can pretty much guarantee that the people who will be there will not "sit around talking about how much they have lost". I am also certain that very few of them will be "straight down the pub, propping the bar up, feeling sorry for themelves" following the meeting. I certainly won't.
AA isn't the only element of my recovery. I use this forum, I attend therapy, I go to church, I read and study recovery literature, I speak to other members of the Fellowship, I meet my sponsor and do step work. I pray, medidate and exercise. But AA is not just about drinking: it describes itself as a "bridge to normal living". What I thought was normal for me before was actually unhappiness, loneliness, isolation, pain and fear. What's normal for me today is completely different.
Let's deal with the AA issue first off. There is no other support network which is so widespread, free and effective. If you choose to reject it, you are going to have search long and hard for anything to replace it. Let's bear in mind that Scrubmuncher started this discussion by talking about "a last chance to stop the cycle." If it's a last chance, as it was for me, the time for debating the pros and cons of various recovery options is over. AA is near here, it's free and it's meeting tonight. I will be there because I've decided it's that or one other option: drinking.
I can pretty much guarantee that the people who will be there will not "sit around talking about how much they have lost". I am also certain that very few of them will be "straight down the pub, propping the bar up, feeling sorry for themelves" following the meeting. I certainly won't.
AA isn't the only element of my recovery. I use this forum, I attend therapy, I go to church, I read and study recovery literature, I speak to other members of the Fellowship, I meet my sponsor and do step work. I pray, medidate and exercise. But AA is not just about drinking: it describes itself as a "bridge to normal living". What I thought was normal for me before was actually unhappiness, loneliness, isolation, pain and fear. What's normal for me today is completely different.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: UK
Posts: 4,682
I went to AA, got a sponsor, worked the steps and recovered...there is a solution in AA and it's a "quick one" to get started instead of spending the remainder of one's life constantly thinking about sobriety and not drinking...
Like has been pointed out it's not for everyone and wasn't for me until i was late 30's, until i was desperate and hopeless, and had "tried" every other method:-)
Like has been pointed out it's not for everyone and wasn't for me until i was late 30's, until i was desperate and hopeless, and had "tried" every other method:-)
~sb
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MD
Posts: 15,967
Originally Posted by Boleo
I had to quit trying to use psychology, religion, AA and even God to ACHIEVE sobriety. It was not until I surrendered ALL my expectations that the spiritual awakening just happened like a stone had been removed from my shoe.
I have never even once tried to make myself not drink. I stay spiritually fit one-day-at-a-time and thoughts of drinking do not show up on my radar screen in any way, shape or form.
I have never even once tried to make myself not drink. I stay spiritually fit one-day-at-a-time and thoughts of drinking do not show up on my radar screen in any way, shape or form.
There are several bands who are sober, just keep coming back!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Switzerland
Posts: 8
the thread opens
Well,,, I've been thrown a lifebelt... . Looks like my family are giving me a final chance to make this right, be the person they know I can be...
..."I am desperate to make it this time. I know every time is the last time, but for some who have experienced a real last time, ...
What do you do differently to really crack it. How do you make yourself not want a drink... how do you ignore the urge? What turned you off liking alcohol?
first I don't know if liking is the right word for alcohol? but for me... you have to hit bottom.... not what anyone else thinks is bottom but you and then you do the steps and you do them for YOU!
you can have some say in how far you are willing to go down or not. you don't have to end up with liver disease, homeless, blind and hungry... and it's not even sure that it helps...
Well,,, I've been thrown a lifebelt... . Looks like my family are giving me a final chance to make this right, be the person they know I can be...
..."I am desperate to make it this time. I know every time is the last time, but for some who have experienced a real last time, ...
What do you do differently to really crack it. How do you make yourself not want a drink... how do you ignore the urge? What turned you off liking alcohol?
first I don't know if liking is the right word for alcohol? but for me... you have to hit bottom.... not what anyone else thinks is bottom but you and then you do the steps and you do them for YOU!
you can have some say in how far you are willing to go down or not. you don't have to end up with liver disease, homeless, blind and hungry... and it's not even sure that it helps...
~sb
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MD
Posts: 15,967
Working the steps of aa changed everything.
Not everyone attending aa meetings are doing anything except attending aa meetings.
I hang with the people who have something I want.
Today, I have nothing to fight. Nothing. I still have free will. My own thoughts and decisions. No person controls me. Today, no matter what, I am able and willing to be happy, joyous, and free.
I wish you the same.
I still love my alcohol, I just have no desire to poison my body or mind. For me, to drink is to commit suicide, whether quickly or slowly. I choose to live today.
Not everyone attending aa meetings are doing anything except attending aa meetings.
I hang with the people who have something I want.
Today, I have nothing to fight. Nothing. I still have free will. My own thoughts and decisions. No person controls me. Today, no matter what, I am able and willing to be happy, joyous, and free.
I wish you the same.
I still love my alcohol, I just have no desire to poison my body or mind. For me, to drink is to commit suicide, whether quickly or slowly. I choose to live today.
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