Step !, the first half of Step 1, "powerless over alcohol",
the physical side of it, when you think of a drink is one thing, obsess over that thought is another thing, succumb ( drink) to the thought because the obesseion becomes overwhelming is now physical because ask yourself this,
will you crave more that first drink?
And, does your personality change due to taking those first few drinks?
Can you stop this "change in personality"? ( the one that says, "it's ok, I'm not that drunk, yet" )
and then can you stop yourself from drinking out of control, drink heavy
or can you moderate?
Then consider the possiblity you are powerless, and life become unmangeable, due to alcohol consumption.
The cycle may continue, ( write your own version, it's the same basic script)
Then we swear on a bible "it won't happen again", that firm resolution, then some time passes, ( 2 weeks for me when I drank) and we think all is forgiven, ( I was so sure it was, HA!)
So, will you try again, take that first drink after the thought of a drink that turns into an obsession, the obsession gets overwhelming, succumbed to the drink, the physical craving kicks in, the personality changes, "Jekyl and Hyde" crank it all up again, it becomes another big mess, life gets now more unmanageable on top of the previous unmanaged wrecks, and on it goes.
If that is the case, then my friend, quitting will not help you.
Surrendering will, surrendering to the thought! The thought that one day you will conquer, Alcohol!
That's what I did, I surrenderd to that thought, that I will "learn to drink" like others and keep the peace! nada mada, no no no, it a lie!
I did not surrender to living,
living without alcohol in MY living, it what I changed, and then things started to change around me, for the better, slow, yes, but it got better!
No one from the pubs I drank at have yet to call and ask, "how's life today"?
No one.
Example, I can go to a pub, with family, order my meal and orange juice, they can have their grog.
The thought, yes, it will get sneaky, sneaky, sneaky wittle thought, I just wait for it, BUT, the obsession, that obsession , the intruder, will not rise, I pray for help and my AA meetings. ( books study and steps workshops even if I am in a daze, I just go there, and may still come out more confused, but I'm sober)
I will not give it ( the obsession ) millionth of a millionth of a inch to tantalize my natural thought of alcohol, I am a alcoholic, it is natural for me to want to drink alcohol because I get restless in sobriety, I cannot stop that I am powerless.
But alcohol is no longer my solution to that restlsessness.
What I can do, is not obsess over it. ( Alcohol, as the solution).
However, we do have emotions, it can weaken my defences, "Mr Obsession" can use my emotions on a bad day to tantalize my thoughts, then I must do the disciplines I found by going to AA, and hope to now share these expereinces, it helps to pee off "Mr Obsession" for another day so it may not get at my natural thought of a damn drink via my emotions.
I'm a gratefull recovering alcoholic.