Clean4ever

Ive learned how not to use drugs as a source of help from my defects, problems,...and issues in life..How do you change your behavior regardless of what it is, when its causing you problems? I mean whats your source other than prayer, God and the those things we learn in early recovery..ie sponsor, meetings, etc....Im just asking and would be open to listening to your experience and hopes...Thanks, Clean

yeahgr8

This answer is going to suck, well i think it does as someone who likes to intellectualise everything and always turns to literature or someone elses opinion before doing anything...the answer is

ACTION

Thats it, even in intensive behaviour modification you have to make the subject repeat certain routines or thought processes to change them...

Thinking it through doesn't work...i wish it did lol

glitter

First, I think that you need to be aware of what behaviors need changing.

Step 4 is helping me with this. I'm really beginning to see patterns.

noobie

Thxs yeahgr8, Action is the only way to solve any problem. Commentment to action is the hard part. Putting yourself out there(public eye) like going to AA meetings is the only way to figure out what those actions are. I'm working on what actions i should take to come out of my shell. I really like that Quote CLEAN$EVER. I'm writting that down for references...)

mikefreak

I think the AA saying "one day at a time" would be a big help, also.

Shevrard

I have a really difficult time with structuring my time. I will sit in front of YouTube while the kids are in bed and drink and drink and drink for ungodly hours and let the house get messy and not take care of myself. I started making myself a schedule for every day of the week. I get up at the same time, exercise at the same time, take a shower at the same time, cook meals at the same time etc. ending in going to bed at the same time every night. When I stick to that schedule I get more accomplished and feel a lot better. I know what I should be doing at any given time and it reduces my anxiety and urge to drink.

Anna

I changed my behaviour by reading books that spoke to me and showed me the way.

'The Seat of the Soul' by Gary Zukav started it off for me because I had long ago lost my soul connection and had no clue how to find it. This book showed me the way.

'The Power of Now' and 'A New Earth' by Eckhart Tolle are amazing guide books to help you learn to live in the moment, to shed the negative baggage, to focus on your spiritual self and to live a peaceful life.

Boleo

IMO behavior follows spiritual growth like ice follows the flow of water melting around it after a long freeze. As I find myself growing spiritually, I also find my motives change and and my behavior more or less follows my new motives.

So what changes spiritual growth? For me it is the result of many struggle-surrender cycles - See my signature line>

vinepest

Time structuring is pretty important, I agree. I think it also helps to keep busy with goals. We should always have a grab bag full of goals which we intend to accomplish, so that we can stay productive and hold onto a sense of meaning.

Spawn

changing our behavior starts by first being aware of them....once you know what you want to change...stop and think.
changing our behavior takes time so don't be too hard on yourself.

Artifical

Good thread!

I too notice that action is the best way to change my behaviour. All it takes for me is perhaps 2-3 good positive steps that I've been putting off and Im off again with new thoughts/behaviour.

pattenat

Well after a few days of lurking while waiting for my 5 days before I could post. Someone in the forum had posted this article link (my apologies for not remembering) http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...anagement.html I read and learned.

Not sure if this is your answer but it certainly helped and is still helping me. Escpecially with thought processes.

FrothyJay

I don't believe we change behaviors, I think our behaviors are changed after we've had an experience with recovery.

For me, it's an important distinction. I was overwhelmed by the idea that I had to change my bad thoughts and behaviors through effort. And I found it to be impossible-- I learned that the behavior and thought process I wanted had to become a working part of the mind, not an on-going struggle against my instinctive resistance.

I now understand that this is the concept of a spiritual awakening. By no means am I suggesting that (poof!) I am re-set to react and behave differently, but after having an experience with the steps, I am given a new spiritual or God-consciousness that makes it far easier for me to be aware of certain thoughts and behaviors, and more willing to correct them. In AA, much of that is steps 10-12, when I am taking daily inventory and making efforts to enlarge my spiritual life.

Zencat

I changed my behavior by having a strong commitment to the process of change also called the Stages of Change. I am responsible for my behavior. I can not delude myself of that reality. After all who controls my body, me or what? Just like everything else in life it takes persistence, practice and perseverance. I mean really, it would be nice if the change fairy were to sprinkle instant change dust to my head and presto change-o!...I'm a new man...yeaaaaa, that's not going to happen .

FrothyJay

Wait a second. You mean...there is no change fairy? But...wait...I was told....I'm absolutely crushed. You mean those notes under my pillow...a waste of time? This is just devastating.

Phmdyw

Inventorying.

Zencat

I know when I found out I was crushed. And around that same time I realized that my invisible friend wasn't real either...LOL. Talk about an awakening! Its all good my friend, whatever floats your boat.

Zencat

Hi Phmdyw, welcome to the SoberRecovery Forums. I hope your time here will be a beneficial one.

Ashley121210

Someone today said to me that relapse is part of recovery. Is that true? or should I feel bad if I slip up? I feel I should become a perfectionist in this... Is that wrong?

Ashley121210

Feeling unpleasant isn't pleasant. For me the last 2 months have been both. I've felt good about being good and then unpleasant about it. Up and down, up and down. Peer pressure. Society labels sobriety as such an uncool thing... I feel like Im back in high school again sometimes..."Whats the big deal? It's just a shot?"..... "Umm no, technically it's an alcohol, a burning poisonous liquid that destroys our liver if over consumed" Just as a drug, its bad for your body and life... so why is it so popular?.... Maybe 75% of humans are in denial.
I love the reaction of others as well, when you announce your sobriety... *Big eyes* "Ooo, wow, good for you!" as they mutter under there breath..."geez she's got issues"... and then slowly sip there drink..... since when was it an issue to not digest a mind altering substance???