least

Explore whatever you have to to fill that 'hole in your soul'. I understand that well. I am not an every-day AA meeting-goer but do go to my favorite ones. I see an addiction counselor once a week and she has been extremely helpful in my desire to stay sober and my desire to live, not just exist. I come here every day to share my sorrows and joys, and that helps so much. In the middle of the night there will be someone here who understands me, and that's so valuable.

I'm trying to widen my perception of myself and the world I live in, and trying to be the best inhabitant I can be while I'm on this earth.

Whatever you can find to make you feel 'complete'. For me, don't laugh, it's taking so much better care of my beloved dogs. To know I'm giving them the best possible life, and not merely feeding-and-walking-them, makes me feel complete.

So keep looking into solutions to the emptiness and trust your feelings. :ghug3

gardner

Thanks for your reply. It helps so much to know that others are familiar with the feeling that I have described. I can't figure out what CBT stands for. What is it?

MrBBB

CBT is 'Cognitive Behavioral Therapy', something I have just recently discovered. I have been hearing only good things about it, so I decided to give it a try. There is quite a bit of info on the web about it.

coming_clean

Im not a christian, but I'm in NA. I'm more of a buddhist myself.

Whenever the word 'god' comes along I make an image I feel confortabel wit. Sometimes it's a golden light, sometimes it's a warm gold ball inside my chest. Sometimes it's forest, or water, sometimes it's buddha or even darkness.
I will never have the guarantee me and my partner will make it together, that's life. But I DO know that we DON'T make it if i'm not willing to get and stay sober.

Boleo

LOL! You have just described about 99.8% of everyone new-comer I have ever meet at an AA meeting.

gardner

I haven't made any steps to find a meeting since I started this thread. In the neighborhood I live in, on Friday night everyone is always dressed up and off to the bars/restaurants. It is a destination "going out" sort of neighborhood. Seeing people dressed up is always a trigger for me. As I strolled my daughter around the neighborhood I had the thought that I could walk into one of the restaurants and have a martini and no one would ever know. No one but me.

Most days I do not feel at risk of drinking but warm nights like this, watching all the people strolling around from my window really make me feel nostalgic about drinking. It would probably be nice to have a sponsor to help me work through this trigger.

Thanks for all the replies.

Toronto68

Gardner, do you feel the same way since you did on Fri?

Having no one else knowing about "having one" wouldn't be an awesome feeling, even if you avoided getting fingers pointed at you while drinking in front of everyone who knew you had quit and then some. There must have been pain associated with drinking (prior to quitting). It's sounds simplistic to say this, but you must have forgotten about it to some extent.

Is anything in particular holding you back from pushing forward on the meetings?

keithj

A responsible sponsor wouldn't engage in any frivolous conversation about working through your triggers.

A responsible sponsor would help show you how to have an experience that let you know that your drinking has nothing to do with triggers.

Behavior modification (working through your triggers) might allow you to dodge, bob, and weave past the drinks, but it's doubtful to make an alcoholic feel happy and content.

Ever wonder why the program of AA doesn't settle for not drinking and modifying behavior to avoid booze? Instead, it shoots for the moon and promises being rocketed into the 4th dimension of existence of which we had not even dreamed. Pretty bold.

Pretty true, too, in my experience.

least

In That's kind of how I've been feeling lately. Like I was only half-alive before and now am completely alive and aware of the miracles all around me now that I'm sober enough to notice them. My mind is working differently, and much better now that I'm taking part in my life instead of just watching it go down the drain.

Dee74

Hi Gardner

like Keith suggests a sponsor is unlikely to help you work through any triggers. You will find advice and support for that here tho.

For me it was helpful to work out what exactly I thought I was missing when I looked at all those people - looking back I think I had not yet fully accepted my condition - the people weren't the problem, it was my longing to still join them. What an AAer might call a step one problem, maybe?

Learning to 'play to the end of the tape' was also helpful for me.

I had this nostalgic image of drinking in my head as a pleasurable experience with no negative consequences - your mileage may vary, but challenging that idyllic image with the reality of what always happened and how I always ended up, was a useful tool for me.

D

rws177

I don't like the term Dry Drunk since I think it's AA's way of saying your not doing it our way....

I'm all about anyone qutting drinking in anyway that works for them. I'm not in AA but feel like going back to school, reading more, working out and doing other things are helping me to grow as a person. I don't consider myself a "dry drunk" or someone who is not recovering and just staying sober. My friend took me to an AA meeting and presented me with a 6 month coin and it was nice of her to acknowledge my accomplishment and while at the AA meeting I truly enjoyed hearing others thoughts and the speakers stories.
However in the parking lot someone came up to me and said "you will never make it on your own." I was having a super night until that small moment. Maybe I took it the wrong way, for instance I think Brazilian Jiujitsu is the best fighting style in the world personally. However if a boxer just won a fight I would not come up to him afterwards and say your style of fighting is no good.....
Like I said, I am all for people getting sober no matter what way they go about it!

gardner

I am having a difficult time understanding what you are saying here. Could you elaborate? What do you mean "being rocketed into the 4th dimension of existence?"

Toronto68

Gardner, unless I missed the point, Keith is saying that a person gains a spritual awakening through the Steps.

When I combine your question and your Thanks added to RW's post, I begin to gather that you have more issues with AA of your own and what your husband thinks is not necessarily a factor in your decision not to go to AA. Is that true?

For RW, I do think it stinks that someone ruined the good feeling by saying a person can never make it on their own. I think there is something to be gained by seeing both sides of the situation, but it doesn't help when people don't communicate more carefully. He could have asked you how you felt and then encouraged you to come back, instead of daring you never to come back. We don't all stand in the same line when the gifts are handed out.

gardner

Well, I have tried to thank everyone who responded to my post but i may have missed a few.

I do have more issues with AA as stated previously when I mentioned the use of the Lord's prayer in a meeting that is supposed to be non-denominational (and this is how all the meetings are conducted in Ohio, according to the AA headquarters that I called to inquire about this). So I don't like that even though I really like the Lord's prayer. But ultimately I do think I would have been in AA if my partner was into AA. He isn't though, he thinks it is cultish and I have had a couple of friends that have been really over-zealous about AA that have been a bit of a turn-off. That is another issue...a lot of the people I know that are into AA are just SO into it that it seems to be all consuming. I have always kind of been one of those people that isn't much of a group person. I am pretty non-conformist and have never been a part of any group so that is another issue.

gardner

See, to me I read it like he was being sarcastic about AA but then what other people posted made me think he was being sincere.

Toronto68

OK, it sounds like you don't have a lot of interest in going. Maybe you will be interested in other things, like good literature. I remember your thinking about "something missing" and then you had nostalgic thoughs in a post later on. Ideally you would find something that is going to work for you.

gardner

I did used to attend AA in my previous state but I only went to an 11th step meeting and I never got a sponsor. When I moved, I never connected to a group here but I haven't tried many. I like the idea of working the program but it sounds like in order to work the program it is necessary to have a sponsor and go to meetings and participate. This is my hesitation. I think what might work better for me is a mediation group. That is what I liked about the 11th step meeting because we had 30 minutes of silence and "meditation." I think that is what I feel is missing.

yeahgr8

Just to clarify the options here

AA program does mean working the steps to provoke a spiritual awakening in the individual inorder to recover, specifically, from the illness of alcoholism and to live a happy, joyous and free life knowing a new freedom that is beyond your wildest dreams

Meditation classes will help you relax

Just thought it might be useful to put that 'on paper' for you...

loveon2legs

I say do whatever works for you!! I haven't been to a meeting yet...like you I'm not a group person...but I"m not ruling it out either....I'm almost 5 months sober and feel wonderful...

43395

Lots of people, have said lots of things, all of which is very constructive and useful so I haven't much else to offer, except to say if you read the book,'Alcoholics Anonymous', at p.164 it says,.'Clear away the wreckage of the past', it also recommends,' Those who thoroughly follow our path,' so what have you got to lose? Nothing. What have you got to gain? EVERYTHING!
No contest.Mike W.