gardner

Congratulations! It feels good to know that others understand the feeling of not being a "group person." Thanks.

keithj

Gardner,

I was being totally sincere. The promise, the hope of AA, is that I have a vast rearrangement of ideas and emotions, my roots grasp new soil, I see the world from an entirely different perspective.

The BB even uses the term 'reborn'. That's an off-putting religious term to me, but I can't deny that it's a great word to describe this experience of a 'psychic change' or spiritual awakening.

When that occurs, as the result of doing the 12 Steps, I'm placed in a position of neutrality towards booze. The 10th Step promises. I'm safe and protected, and the choice of whether I drink or not is taken out of my hands.

It's a very different experience than having to be vigilantly on-guard against my triggers.

AA makes no promise for being able to manage your triggers. It makes the promise that you can go anywhere and do anything without fear of triggers, provided a few simple rules are followed.

It may not apply to you, but if I had to go around year after year worrying about when I'm going to be triggered to drink, making sure I stay on guard, or otherwise spend that kind of mental energy not drinking, I'd personally rather be drunk.

Thanks to the spiritual program of AA, I don't have to do that. Bear in mind that when I or AA says spiritual, it's a pretty broad concept. I came to AA as a staunch atheist, and still have no particular Western Jeudeo-Christian god concepts. Instead, I have a deep and effective spiritual life gained from action in AA's program.

Boleo

If you don't believe in "enlightenment" take a close look at the promises contained within the Big Book (not just the 9th step promises). Most of them describe the feeling that precedes them in a way that sounds like enlightenment;

...we will be amazed...
...We are going to know...
...We will comprehend...
...we will know...
...we will see...
...Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change...
...We will intuitively know...
...We will suddenly realize...
...they will always materialize...

gettenthere

AA is not a cult. Also, AA is not a christian organization. In the steps it talks about finding a Higher Power. if your higher power is not God then so be it. Before making a decision about AA then you might want to check out a meeting or two or ten.

keepinon

I am not a "group person " either and I can't stand the lords prayer (reminds me of Catholic upbringing. )However, one of my problems is "terminal uniqueness" . Meaning that I am so special and different from all the other sufferers of this disease that the rules do not apply to me. I go to 12 step meetings now, realize I'm not so special, and close my mouth and hold hands when we say lords prayer.

sobermax

Hey there,

This sounds very similar to my experience.

I went to some AA meetings about 6 years ago and HATED every moment. I then stopped drinking without support for about 3 years. I started enjoying lots of benefits, but still was not at ease with the world and became angrier and less satisfied which led me back to drinking.

I'm now back at AA and am very happy to have realised that I have to make some big changes within myself if I want to be at peace with the world and my own head. There are plenty of things that get on my nerves about it and I am scared of giving it my best shot and still relapsing.

Maybe go to every available meeting - they all seem to have their unique flavour. I don't expect you would be compelled to do or say anything that you don't feel comfortable with in a meeting (the lord's prayer? really?). At any rate, doing something is bound to be more useful than remaining inactive through fear. There are other routes to sobriety that you can learn about on this site.

Good luck - please keep posting, SR is invaluable.

SM

gardner

I don't know. I have found a meeting in my neighborhood, right down the street on Tuesdays at 6 pm. I might try it. Thanks for the last few posts. They were very insightful. I know about that whole terminal uniqueness thing. I had that realization years ago, when I first began my journey.