DetroitRock

I've seen several posters on here talk about going somewhere where there will be booze/drugs and having an escape route. For real? Are we talking literally? I can't imagine climbing down someone's trellace at a birthday party because I'm getting the urge to drink.

Please clarify this for me.

Cheers
DR

Mark75

No climbing out of windows, well, unless you have to.

No, it's about planning for the possibility that one may find themselves about to drink... to know, ahead of time, exactly what they'll do to get out of that situation, and that they in fact can. That may mean taking your own car, calling someone to pick you up, whatever, to get you out of harms way. And if it means climbing down a drain spout, then so be it.

Keeping sobriety number one, more important than everything else... even a birthday party.

Mark

yeahgr8

Its assuming you have done sufficient work to be able to do what it is suggested, which is attend a function with a specific reason to, e.g. relatives birthday, wedding, specific work function...it does not mean to meet mates at a bar though:-)

I have done months of work, initially 24/7 for the first 5 months to be able to be in a position to be able to do this comfortably and have enough trust in myself to be able to go to these sorts of functions...

If you just put the bottle down then do not go anywhere near these sort of functions...

DetroitRock

That's more along thte lines of what I was thinking.

DetroitRock

Work? As in step work?

yeahgr8

[QUOTE=DetroitRock;2613044]Work? As in step work?[/QUOTE

Bundle that all up and it makes me recovered enough to go anywhere...sorry for being lazy and just copying and pasting tired tonight:-)

After going to AA i wanted to find someone with 20 plus years sober who could show me what they did...this may sound harsh but i didn't feel that following someone with say 5 years was a very good idea...after 20 years of drinking, 5 years wasnt actually a long time. My sponsor did 20 years drinking, and has been sober 25 now thats someone i want to hear from and their success in sobriety is tangeable...common sense and logic really:-)

This is my life we are talking about here!

Also i go/speak to my CBT counselor once a week, he has 20 plus years sobriety...we concentrate on life skills and and issues that come up in sobriety, e.g. relationships with family, work etc...

So that means i get hardcore how to be sober, happy and free in AA and directions on living life sober at my CBT sessions.

I also read a lot, i use recovery books leveryday in the mornings that have daily readings on the different aspects of recovery, makes me think about the topic during the day.

I pray in the morning and evening and keep a close conscious contact with my HP everyday, contemplating and listening to myself ...building on my individuality and getting that good relationship with myself stronger.

I come on here whenever i can, sometimes more than others.

I try and get to an AA meeting once a week, sometimes i might go to 3...i go because i want to not because i need to anymore...

I try and do new things that i didnt do when i was drinking, to challenge myself and push through any fear...to grow...

I do all those things because i am serious about my sobriety...and i do all those things because i want to...i wanted freedom from alcohol i dont want to be staying in Hotels and having them remove the mini bar like a child, i dont want someone offering me a complimentary glass of wine at dinner and it ruining the evening, i want to be able to meet people after work and then to drink and me not be affected, i dont want a beer commercial to send me into a rage, i dont want to have a rigger everytime i smell alcohol, i dont want to not use my favourite mouthwash...freedom and that takes a lot of work, i was told the more work i did on myself in the early days the better sobriety i would have...who the **** wants to live avoiding things and situations for the rest of their lives...thats not for me?

Maybe when people post they also assume you want what they have but there are definitely different levels of sobriety...some stop at a certain level and stay there and seem happy enough to do that, they dont know any better until someone tells them and if they dont want to hear it thats cool too:-)

intention

What could you imagine yourself doing?

Taking5

Not an escape route, an exit strategy. Bring along another sober friend. "Pretend" you are drinking a mixed drink - if you put coke in a cocktail glass, a slice of lime and walk around stirring it with a swizzle stick, no one will know but you that it is just coca-cola.

Drive there by yourself (or with the sober friend). Park somewhere so you can easily haul ass if need be. And if things get to complicated, just go outside for some fresh air and haul ass instead.

The drunks there likely won't remember and your true friends will support you.

Mark75

Well, I certainly agree with yeahgr8... Getting recovered is the best strategy there is... no need to worry about an "escape route" because you won't (?) need one. Thank God, I feel that I can go anywhere now and not feel any threat to my sobriety. Detroit, you can recover too and know that serenity. But, as yeahgr8 mentions... it's work.

Even so, I always give myself permission to bail at any time if I get concerned. I recall a party in my own home at Christmas. I was just 3 months sober. There came a time when I had to leave, and did... The strategy? I needed to go pick someone up who needed a ride somewhere.

Point is... Until you feel you can go anywhere, don't go... or have an escape route

north

If you're friends with someone else who either has successfully quit drinking or fully understands your problem, it's not a bad idea to consider having them accompany you to such events. Or, if that's too weird or impractical, simply knowing you can call them if you suddenly get the urge to drink is not a bad idea.

I was always the guy who'd stay to the very end of the party - constantly drinking. I no longer feel the need nor urge. I now know ahead of time, about how much time I plan to spend as I am now very much aware and in tune with my other responsibilities like my family. I guess it's what you might call a "built-in escape plan".

DetroitRock

Not listening to your smart-arsed questions?
Thanks for responding!

Toronto68

Detroit, why do you think that question by Intention was smart-donkeyed? Do you mean her rejoinder or your own original question? You asked what is going on in people's minds when they talk about an escape or exit strategy when they are in a place they think there is a risk. So the question put back to you was that if you don't see yourself making a valiant physical escape like the one you opened up the topic with, then what DO you see yourself doing when the risk is there.

For the person who shows up at these places, these are the possibilities that I see:

-staying and giving in
-staying and not giving in
-leaving and not giving in
-leaving and giving in somewhere else

When someone knows there is a risk, they put together a plan in case they can make use of it. Not everybody needs it. Not everybody should show up where the risk exists in the first place.

What do you think about that?

DetroitRock

Yes, that is my point. Not some schoolyard answer-a-question-with-a-question tomfoolery.

Mark75

Often times finding our way around in recovery involves answering questions with questions.... not everything is what it seems. I saw intention's question as one to provoke thought, but as is so often true in an internet forum, it provoked something else.

Remember DR we have all been through early recovery, it sucks, we know it as only another who's been through it can. We help our own recovery when we (try to) help others. That's how it works...

But inquiring minds want to know.... What do you see yourself doing? When I left my party that I described above it wasn't because I thought I would drink and it wasn't on toronto68's list. It was self pity, isolation and what could have been seen by others as being rude.

Mark

loveon2legs

I've been to a couple of functions where everyone else was drinking but me...and that was a month into my recovery...I just brought along my own beverage (gingerale) and had a really good time..I just told the host I had to leave because of another obligation...I didn't feel the urge to drink, but everyone was getting drunk, and I just didn't want to be around them!! I'm finding it hard to be around drunk people now...I just don't see the point... it just reminds me of somewhere I never want to be again..

DetroitRock

Yeah, it has gotten like that with me, and it's unfortunate because there is a bar that I liked to go to because they had moderately priced great tasting burgers, but to have to sit there and listen (not actively, just overhearing) the BS coming from all of these wasted expats is not worth it for that delicious taste.
At least I can tolerate the locals being bombed and their antics, but the foreign crowd here seem to be the dregs of society.

I'm not really that far into my recovery and already I can see that the possibilities of going back are getting farther and farther away. (I can already imagine all those who drank for 20 years and are now 20 years sober scoffing at my last sentence, that's fine...scoff away)

Anyway, other than having a way out of the situation, I think that all I want is to not be in those situations, not out of fear of drinking but being bored watching other people be poopfaced and me not wanting to feel self righteous about not drinking.

Boleo

Whenever I go somewhere that will be serving booze - Bars, Weddings, ect...

I plan 3 things ahead of time;

1. A time or event that will let me know when to leave
2. An excuse to leave early
3. A method of transportation, such as, my own car or a sober friend that I can rely on.

Toronto68

Well, I can't really blame you for feeling miffed (I get cranky too), but I didn't think that poster was the type to make a game out of someone else's feelings about alcohol. Sometimes it can seem inefficient to type a lot of your thoughts when responding to somebody and asking questions allows the person looking for answers to steer the conversation. Anyway, she can articulate her own position without me.

I agree with you about it being a drag (not necessarily scary but tiresome or unpleasant; boring) being around people that are drinking. I suppose it's hard to get away from the accusation of being an EX-DRINKER, with all the connotations of "piety" and all that. But I think it is also just boring. I have a friend I would rather not hang around because it was _____ing boring watching her drink one after the other, barely recalling what she had talked to me about during the previous day, even before I quit my own drinking.

There might be people with big-time experience at sobriety who would doubt your ability to stay away from drinking as a relative newbie, but I don't get the impression from reading here that the ones with years of no drinking behind them have got that demeanor about them. Maybe people become less ardent about it as they go or they put their energy into the positive things to address and comment on. If you'd rather be defensive about your chance of success (the "scoffing" idea), that's fine, but I'm not throwing stones at your lack of interest in going back to drinking.

This country that you are in, how long are you there for? Do you want to stay there?

Kmber2010

DR, I hear ya on the escape route. Just had a situation in my early recovery where I couldn't "escape." I so wanted to leave this drinking event (had no idea it would be that) and well I went outside for a walk. I felt uncomfortable and awkward since I didn't want to drink but being in that environment made me feel really uneasy. Like....this is not the place I want to be because I hate drinking.

I do like most do .....have transportation out so I am not stuck, have a slew of excuses and so forth.

I really don't care too much what people think and I guess if I had to climb down a trellis...(ouch that might hurt) then so be it to stay sober.

My thing is not so much drinking but making others uncomfortable. I have a problem, I am dealing with it and I don't want to rain on anyone's parade. If it bothers me to be around it or if I have had enough then I just excuse myself.

Screw anyone who finds it rude. I usually am quite polite but if it causing me anxiety then poof I go and deal with responses later from the event....lolol.

DetroitRock

Yeah, I was being defensive. I was feeling really bItchy yesterday for some reason.

I'm in this country for no predetermined amount of time. I've been here about 8 years now and I've grown to like it and I'm enrolled at a university to learn the language, so it looks like I'm going to be here for a while...or at least until the US gets a real president that gets the country running again.

Thanks for the words, T68, I like it when people shoot straight.