Aysha

Thanks all.
I have to say.
I really focused hard all this week on what is good in my life.
All that stuff I was complaining about. Was petty BS.
Job..Money..Bills..Court...Just things.
All that stuff does not define me.
I could have the best job in the world. All the money..No bills..No court case.
But so what.
All that is stuff that can be changed. And will with time.

What I am grateful for is..My family. First and foremost.
Without them. I dont know where I would be. I have the most understanding..forgiving..unconditional..caring..f unny..tight family anyone could hope for.
Lots of kids (not mine) to keep me on my toes and make me laugh and just see the world through their eyes sometimes. Noone is sick or dieing. No real serious anything going on.
We are close and always there when one needs the other. No matter what.
I have a decent home..food..my grams is healthy and has many more years. I have a car that runs pretty dam good.
A job..cable tv..a phone.
I am not doing bad at all for coming from where I was.
And honestly..I never had it bad to begin woth.
It is really all my own doing and my spoiled brat mentality that had me ranting in this thread.
I think it was a little pity party from coming back from the relapse.
I am very lucky. And very blessed.
I wouldnt change anything for the world.
I took everything you guys said here and put it to use all this week. I mean like all day I thought about what some of you said. And it helped so much.
I was calm. And I can even say content.
Watching my attitude and thoughts and stopping the stupid petty thinking before it got the better of me. By the end of the week. It was just happening on its own.
It feels good to just be OK for once. Just content.
I still have the money and job issues. But you know what. At least I am well enough to do something about it.
Thanks to all of you for reminding me what it really about.
I am so grateful for all of you here.

Reminder

Recovery is more about picking something else up than it is about putting the stuff down.

You get bitter because you are not picking up something else to make you sweet.

It's next to impossible to recover by just putting down.

I sounds like you are.


Peace.

Doug

Do something(s) to help somebody who needs help. Go do some stuff for somebody else, because you can. Homeless volunteer work is always a good one.

Boleo

Take a look at these "Promises" and see if anything in them sounds like it will
give you the "Release" that you are looking for;

2nd Step Promises (Page 50)
They flatly declare that since they have come to believe in a Power greater than themselves, to take a certain attitude toward that Power, and to do certain simple things. There has been a revolutionary change in their way of living and thinking. In the face of collapse and despair, in the face of the total failure of their human resources, they found that a new power, peace, happiness, and sense of direction flowed into them.

5th Step Promises (Page 75)
Once we have taken this step, withholding nothing, we are delighted. We can look the world in the eye. We can be alone at perfect peace and ease. Our fears fall from us. We begin to feel the nearness of our Creator.
We may have had certain spiritual beliefs, but now we begin to have a spiritual experience. The feeling that the drink problem has disappeared will often come strongly. We feel we are on the Broad Highway, walking hand in hand with the Spirit of the Universe.

9th Step Promises (Page83)
If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are halfway through. We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness. We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it. We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace. No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others. That feeling of uselessness and self-pity will disappear. We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows. Self-seeking will slip away. Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change. Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us. We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us. We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves.

10th Step Promises (Page 84)
And we have ceased fighting anything or anyone —even alcohol.
For by this time sanity will have returned. We will seldom be interested in liquor. If tempted, we recoil from it as from a hot flame. We react sanely and normally, and we will find that this has happened automatically. We will see that our new attitude toward liquor has been given us without any thought or effort on our part. It just comes! That is the miracle of it. We are not fighting it, neither are we avoiding temptation. We feel as though we had been placed in a position of neutrality—safe and protected. We have not even sworn off. Instead, the problem has been removed. It does not exist for us. We are neither cocky nor are we afraid. That is our experience. That is how we react so long as we keep in fit spiritual condition.

Missybuns

I started using at age 12 also.

I started going to the local 12 step fellowships when I sought recovery.

As long as I remained stepless, I stayed in an isolated and lonely world. I learned for myself abstinence doesn't equal recovery.

I got a sponsor and started working the 12 steps one by one. By the time I got to step 3 I felt alive and worthy again. I continue on my journey through step work.

As I began giving due diligence to recovering my lost spirit, I started to feel love again.

Today I know who I am and I feel love again. I have serenity and joy in my life.

Peace,
Missybuns

Freedom1990

For me, recovery is a 'we' thing, not an 'I' thing. I have to remain active in a 12 step program, working the steps, having a sponsor, and sponsoring others.

I can't keep what I have unless I give it away.

Zencat

For myself aside from not using and following a treatment plan to maintain sobriety, I work towards being a peaceful member in society. I'm also offering my support, encouragement and the recovery tools that have helped me so much to all the other addicts I have come to regard as my friends. Its all about becoming well enough to help others to wellness too.

lisa1235

for me recovery is a state of being..its a fragile state..i know i have a disease with no known cure..so i have to stay in the state of recovery or be sick in my disease and die.to stay in recovery im must rid myself of the things that could make me sick..people,places,and things.. also my old thinking..and old way of doing things..i seek fellowship of the survivors in n/a and a/a..i work the steps...get a higher power...get a sponser..and be of service to fellows..im constantly using all my resources to fight..this is my recovery and what it means to me is my life.

keeponrelapsing

what about if i just drank once a month....had a big blow out then abstained for another month.....then I'd be getting the best of both worlds wouldn't I? If i COULD do that.... surely that would be fair and ok wouldn't it?

Bamboozle

Wow, chiy…how did I miss this one? A lot of what you wrote is how I feel at times...

I wish all the time that I could take a vacation from myself...What I get upset about is wondering why can't I function well? Why can't I get anything together? That always leads to more drinking for me...

I don't want recovery to be an issue. I just want to move on in my life. I don't obsess over the fact that I don't go skydiving...I want the same kind of attitude when it comes to not drinking.


I feel like that most of the time...I try to remind myself to be patient. I've been a late bloomer for everything I've ever done in life. It just takes me longer than everyone else. It's frustrating, but a part of me still hopes that things will get better.



I've always wanted to be a different person. I realized a little while ago that the only way I can do that is if I leave alcohol behind.

In my quest to become a different person (or the person I want to be), I find that it is VERY important to give myself things to look forward to. It helps to keep me focused (and a little happier). The goals that I have are very general at this point, but I plan on refining them the further along I go. I'm getting back into art again...and I've decided to teach myself digital photography as soon as I buy a camera. Printmaking is my love, but photography was something I always wanted to learn to do on the side. While I was in school, it was too expensive at the time for me to take one photography class. Now that I'm on my own time, I can save up my money, buy a camera (and some accessories), but a book or two, and teach myself. I'm really looking forward to it--these things make me feel glad to be alive. I feel like a beautiful person when I can make beautiful things.

Chiy, I hope you can find something to look forward to--maybe find something to immerse yourself in (maybe you're already doing that...I'm late to this thread and I wanted to post before I read it all...). I think it's very important to do something that one loves to do, whether that be with other people or totally solo. Some people go for group activities--I'm happier doing things on my own (although it can be fun in a studio with a handful of people, sometimes). Big hugs to you and I wish you very well on your journey. :ghug3

jurneyman

Chiy, A very wise man a long time ago, came up to me after a meeting at which I feeling ungrateful for my sobriety, and was missing the good times never thinking of the misery
of coming down, being sick, hungover, no money to get well, ect. ect. ect. very simply he said to me, that what we are doing here is not trying to deprive you of alcohol and drugs, but trying to free you from them. It is all about perspective, we see what we want to see. When we focus on the problem the problem grows, but when we focus on the solution the solution grows. From the A.A. big book

boobuddy12345

...I began to appreciate my recovery when I began to appreciate the light.
I slowly felt better living in my own skin.
I came to that well-lit crossroads where the devil hitchhikes one way and I the other.
I began to appreciate my recovery when I started to care about others, and it felt like pleasure instead of work....
I began to realize that the farther I reach out to help others, the farther my hand was from covering my eyes.
I began to appreciate my recover when the concept of self-gratification seemed to be a one-way-street.
I began to appreciate my recovery when I realized that prayers are answered and prayers are heard.
When I discovered the difference between isolation and solitude I appreciated my recovery.
When something I have said in recovery helps someone else I truly appreciate my recovery.
JB

least

For me, recovery is learning, or relearning how to live with myself without the crutch of alcohol. To stand on my own two feet and deal with the speed bumps on the road of life. Sounds corny, but I was so intent on taking myself out of life that now I have to get and stay back in it. It's so much more than just not drinking - it's a whole new better way of thinking and reacting.

rosygirl

Hey Chiynita,

I really relate to your post. I was very bitter at the thought of not being able to drink again. Especially when I was in circumstances where drinking would have made it so much better (I thought).

I raged at my bad luck that I never got to drink again. I felt like it wasn't my fault if it was a disease. The truth is, its no one's fault they are diabetic, yet they can't eat sugar and have to check their insulin. Its a pain in the ass, but its reality.

I began to realize how bad other people have it. and here I was, with a great life, a second chance, and I was bitching because I couldn't drink ALCOHOL anymore. I realized then how selfish I was being. If that is the worst thing that happens in my life, I'm pretty lucky. And when you think about it, we are forced to give up something that isn't good for us anyway. That's a blessing in disguise.

Since quitting drinking, I feel cleaner, more myself. It took a few months to feel this way, but i only crave drinks about 10% of the time and love being sober the other 90%. and I was an everyday all-day drinker.

If you haven't been to an AA meeting, you should go. It will help you embrace your sober life by talking with others who understand you and feel the exact same way. There is so much comfort in that. As for not feeling like you are worth it, there is a reason that you keep getting 'saved' from death, while other people are dying from addiction all the time. You have a purpose for being here. Consider it your favor to the world to get healthy and stay alive and do what you are meant to do.

I write down things I'm grateful for, I talk about how wonderful certain things are - even when I'm not in the mood. I've noticed that griping and complaining only solidifies negativity. Corny but true, be positive as often as you can. there are many things in your life to be grateful for. Ask a higher power to show you the joy of life and it will happen.

I wish you all the best.