cassandra2

Why is there so much anger with addicts?

What are addicts angry at?

Do addicts use their anger to fight off the depression that is looming right below all the anger?

When does the anger go away?

Impurrfect

(((Cassandra))))

I finally figured out my anger was at myself. I didn't realize it at first..I was angry that I was an addict and couldn't just party some times and get over it; I was angry at all the consequences I had caused; I was angry at others because they didn't have the disease of addiction.

When I realized that all my anger was really at ME, I still had a hard time forgiving myself (still do), but I worked on it.

My anger improved a LOT when I began working at recovery, accepted the fact that I AM an addict, and what I did, I did because of the drugs. It took several months before I finally accepted the addiction.

I worked on being grateful every day, until it became a habit. It didn't happen over night, and some times I thought of what I was grateful for with a big scowl on my face. But it became habit and I can find a zillion things to be grateful for today. The gratitude has replaced my anger.

Today, I don't feel anger that much, but still have the occasional frustration. I've got 20 months clean and still have a lot of consequences to deal with. But today, I don't have to face it alone...I've got HP, a few close f2f friends, and my wonderful friends here.

Hope this helps.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

Celebration1994

A lot of my rage was because of abuse issues when very young and through my using. I couldn't do anything about it as a small scared little girl, and as an adult I would just be downright vicious and want to hurt anyone in my path. Anger and rage were a big survival skill for me. In recovery I dealt with my issues and the rage seemed to subside...still get angry at times, but I handle it more appropriately now. I surprise myself at how well I can handle anger at times. It took time, but the rage was replaced by serenity, and the anger is manageable when I practice acceptance and realize I can't always have everything my way, but it took a little time and effort.

Eleison

I'm angry at the negilence of my parents and school staff, all who allowed abuse to go unchecked and unchallenged. At the lack of protection from the real hurts, when in other ways I was smothered and suffocated emotionally.
I'm angry that it's made me 'ill' and is making me suffer further now. On top of what I already endured.
My anger is a healthy anger at root, but it gets mis-directed at people in the present instead of people in the past - who I cannot confront with it. And then turned against myself physically and emotionally.
Because I have post traumatic stress, anger and depression come with the whole 'bundle'. I feel both acutely. To put it simply - I'm angry at the losses that resulted in long term depression. I feel the losses, and ache. It's a cycle.
The anger probably won't go away ever, but it'll become more integrated.

Boleo

"Men and women drink essentially because they like the effect produced by alcohol. The sensation is so elusive that, while they admit it is injurious, they cannot after a time differentiate the true from the false. To them, their alcoholic life seems the only normal one. They are restless, irritable and discontented, unless they can again experience the sense of ease and comfort which comes at once by taking a few drinks—drinks which they see others taking with impunity." (Doctors Opinion)

"...they found that a new power, peace, happiness, and sense of direction flowed into them." (page 50)

Soberagnostic

I drank and drugged to imagine I had some sort of control in my life. The anger came when I realized I didn't and the drinking and drugging only made it worse. It feels good to work through those types of feelings sober now and be rational in my responses. Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

coffeenut

When I was drinking I was angry a LOT. Now, not so much.

Kind of leads me to believe the alcohol was causing the anger. I think I was sick and tired of my drunken self, but was too drunk to realize it.

cassandra2

I found some information about addicts and anger and thought I would share some of it. Its from a book about addictive thinking. I have been posting about it in several threads.

Addicts and Intense Anger
We can thus understand, although we dont excuse, the reactions of the addict who feels victimized by "injustice". Every culture accepts that prepetrators of injustices should be punished. That is what an addict who acts out anger is doing, punishing another for an "injustice".

lajudas7

I'm new to this, I am not really sure how to get the most out of this site, really could use some help.
Anger has ruled my life, I read all the post on this and I fit somewhere in the middle. I used for all the wrong reasons, anger, lonelyness, power and I could go on. Anger was the issue, not the reason, if that makes sense. I used because I was angry yet I used and got angry. I Am really having a hard time with life at this point and have been really angry at myself of late. I came real close to doing something dumb last night, and found this site. Right on time God. I was angry, very angry yesterday and couldn't see the forrest for the trees. Learning to deal with ones anger is vital to recovery. I'm ok today,
I don't think the anger ever goes away, you learn to deal with it in a different way than you have before. But most important to remember: anger is ok, It's what you do with your anger that may not be ok, Anger is like a drug or booze it will run the show if we allow it too.

kj3880

I was never angry, per se. I was sad, depressed, and anxious. Anger, IMO, is what is called a masking emotion. That means that it always covers up a base emotion that is harder to feel than anger. Anger feels safer than grief. Many addicts grieve for the time and people and other things that they lost to years of addiction. Some of us addicts even grieve the loss of our substance and feeling high. I know I did. Some of us cover the grief with anger. It's much easier to feel mad then bad.

The good news is: We do recover!!! And our brains can feel good feelings after a time. I'm starting to feel pretty good most of the time now. I think that anger is a normal part of recovering from any loss. Addicts, simply put, face a lot of loss from their disease. Am I making sense?

KJ

cassandra2

Interesting thoughts kj3880. Anger is always covering grief. You are also correct in saying that it is easier to get angry then it is to be sad or depressed over something.

If I ask myself the questions that I ask here I find that I already know the answer and that its sometimes interesting to see others point of view.

All About Love

THE ONE THING I KNOW NOW IN RECOVERY IS THAT "ANGER" IS A "REACTION" TO ALL THE WHIRLWIND OF EMOTION WITHIN ME.
ANGER IS NOT THE EMOTION, ANGER IS A "CHOICE" & I HAVE WAYS TO CHOOSE TO DEAL WITH IT DIFFERENTLY TODAY.
THE BEST THING I DID FOR MY ANGER REACTION WAS TO EMBRACE THE FIRE IT HOLDS FOR THAT FIRE DRIVES ME TO KEEP SANE & CLEAN TODAY, REACTING OUT OF ANGER IS SOMETHING I STRUGGLE WITH DAILY, AS I SAID THOUGH "ITSA CHOICE" AN TODAY I DONOT CHOOSE IT.


PEACE AN LOVE:bounce

catlovermi

What a great thread. Thanks to the OP and all who have thoughtfully contributed. I have much to think about from this.

One concept that I've been introduced to in recovery is that anger requires a minimum level of self-worth to exist. It's a defensive emotion, rearing up to defend that portion of ourself that we find valuable enough to defend. I was always taught that anger is bad, but in this perspective it is not; it's an indicator. It indicates that something within us has been threatened, and anger rises to defend against the threat. And when somebody is unable to feel anger, that's a sign that the person possibly doesn't have enough self-worth to find anything to defend.

CLMI

Missybuns

anger is born of fear

dirtyjerz08

The wicked thing about anger is that it breeds resentment. Resentment is the number one offender to addicts and alkies. Not to get too big book on ya but it's true in my case. Resentment, as was explained to me, is refeeling the same thing over and over. Whether it's a break-up, childhood problems, or self brought destruction. I had to get in touch with the fact that I am responsible for all that I have done. I drank and drugged myself into an endless spiral. As far as getting rid of those resentments, a spiritual method works for me. I pray for those who have done me wrong. I pray for my ex, and my father who disappeared when I was three. He was a sick man, just like us. I may still dislike those people, but that intense anger has long since faded.

cassandra2

How is anger born of fear?

I can understand the resentment thing. That is why I feel it is so important to release anger as soon as possible. If you let it resentment will eat you up.

Dirtyjerz---why do you think resentment is the number one offender to addicts? COuld u elaborate a little more on that idea. Also I am so sorry for your loss. I read one of your earlier posts.....Prayers for you and your AA family...

dirtyjerz08

Thank you. I agree with you that it's important to get anger off as soon as possible, so it doesn't become a festering resentment. I do it by praying, but there are as many different ways as there are people.

As far as resentment being the number one offender, that's out of an AA book. I agree with it completely. As an addict and alcoholic my addictive thinking tries to give me reasons to use. Anger and resentment are another so-called reason, and they are so very powerful. So powerful in fact, that they may be the number one thing that drives us to use. They can also cause us to take other drastic actions (for example hurting someone physically or emotionally, destroying property.) A resentment doesn't even have to be against one person, it can be a group, an event, or even the world at large. I could have resentments about my childhood, my relationships, my life today, and if I let them breed they can drive me insane. I will feel the same pain over and over again, even if something happened years ago, because it is still in my head. That's why, like you said, it is so important to keep anger from consuming us. That is also why, for me, I have had to get in touch with the fact that ultimately I am responsible for what I have done to myself. If I keep blaming everyone else that takes the focus off of changing myself. Hope that helps, I can dig up some more out of the book if you would like as well.

cassandra2

I think it is wonderful that you have learned that you are not solving any of your problems by blaming others. These are so very difficult to grasp.

I tried to explain to a friend that holding onto anger causes so much more damage. I thank you for your explanation but I fear I am still stuck on the resentment. I dont understand it I guess. How resenting someone/thing/place could cause you to lash out? I guess maybe I dont understand resentment itself.

Am I right in thinking that this is resentment. Example. You are a drug addict. You have trouble facing your problems therefore you continue to use. I am not a drug addict. I have trouble facing my problems also but I do it anyway (face my problem and deal with it). Not because I am better but because that is the way I chose to do it. You as the drug addict resent the fact that I dont have to use in order to make the problem go away? Or you as the drug addict resent the fact that I handle my problems different then you do and therefore you think that I think that I am better then you???

Did that make sense? I dont know I guess since I have never experienced drug addiction I cant understand what drives it.....

dirtyjerz08

That would be the basic idea. As an addict I definitely had a different way of dealing with things than normal people. Rather than face a problem I'd usually run the other way, right to drugs and alcohol. Holding on to anger, as you said, is basically what a resentment is.

I grabbed the definition off a website, it is as follows:

resentment
A noun
1 resentment - a feeling of deep and bitter anger and ill-will

Holding on to anger and ill-will is like poison for an addict. Since it is such a very mental disease. I look at the word with a deeper meaning, as it was explained to me by people with long-term sobriety. Not only is it a feeling, but it is a feeling we hold on to and feel over and over again. When I was using heavily it didn't matter what was going on. It could be sunny, rainy, paradise or armageddon and I would still be getting high. If I had something to be angry about things usually got out of hand. That anger would cause me to do awful things, and to ramp up my drug use. Instead of feeling the pain like a "normal" person would, I'd push it deep inside and hide it by using.
Thus I never dealt with a lot of the bad things that happened in my life.

That is why, in recovery, resentment is such a bad thing for addicts. I am feeling a lot of the joys and pains of every day life for the first time. It is a beautiful thing, but it is hard at times. Today is a perfect example. I lost a good friend, but I'm able to deal with the grief rather than compound it by using. Since I am trying not to use, I must avoid those things which made me use in the first place. Anger and resentment were high on that list. I think it is the same for any person though. Harboring anger and resentment leads to nothing but problems. Dealing with those things leads to solutions, whether we like how things turn out or not. I'm getting tired, so I hope that made sense. I'll explain it further tomorrow if you'd like, just ask your questions and I'll do my best to answer them.

cassandra2

No, No you answered it perfectly. The human mind is such a strange thing. Holding onto to anger does cause more problems.

I posted in another thread about why addicts run the other way from problems and I see that I was right. Its much easier to hold onto the emotion (anger in this case) and feel that someone has done you wrong and not stop to fix the problem because its easier to go and use or its easier to go the other way.

I guess this is why addiction is so harmful to others around the drug addict. I describe it like a tornado, everywhere they go there is destruction. The anger that the addict feels then justifies it with using and its a continued cycle.

Thanks for your insight.