dalejen

I was also thinking of writing a letter like on here for Dale, so I can express my feelings for him. Maybe we could all do that ? I wish someone was on right now?

tinert

Jen - I am glad that you were at least given SOME comfort by Dale's letter. As Janet said, I really wish that I had the chance to meet and speak with him in person before he passed. I think he would have gotten a big kick out of meeting all of us if we had been able to all show up in his hospital room! I know I would have loved it! It's too bad. It all came on so suddenly. I really thought that he was going to get better and we would have more time with him in the future to figure out a way for everyone to meet/meet.

Jen, Do you know if there an obituary or anything in your local papers? I hope that there was so people could read what an important and wonderful person Dale was...

I think your idea to write your own letter to Dale to express how you felt for him is a wonderful idea. You should do WHATEVER helps you get through this time and this loss. Writing like that can be very healing as well...

Tina

agent alias

we are here and reading....please just post and we will reply back . maybe not right away but we will reply.

Post away Jen....you need to.

dalejen

Hi is anyone still on ?

BeginAgain

I'm here. Are you okay Jen? If you look through the posts in this thread and you see the little green light on at the bottom of each post that means the person is online. Or when you first get on - there is a list of people who are online. If you click on their username you can send a private message.

dalejen

Ok I didn't know that at all. I think I am ok, I mean one thing that is just bugging me is that life is just going on without him, its like I wanna yell at people and tell them. I know they did not know him. Do you think you loved him in a special way like what way did you love him ?

BeginAgain

Honey just as a special friend. He was very lost and hurting when I first started talking to him. I really invested myself in trying to help him get clean. I really worried about him alot back when he first came online looking for help. I do think he was really special with a big heart. I wish I had known him or could have come to visit him. I think he was a good person and like someone else said I think he would have enjoyed meeting all of us. I think the only reason he never told us his name or how to reach him was the stupid rules at the other board. If he has ever found his way here I think we would have all connected. I know he taught at a college, I know about his military career, his son, and what happened with his wife, I know he had a strong faith in God. He was just a very special friend. I was really proud of him.

What was Dales last name?

dalejen

His last name was Duke I don't know what his middle name or intital was, but I think maybe Dale might have been his middle name or just a name for something else like, oh gosh I cannot even think of an example but I am think you know what I mean. Do you think Valley was upset about the things that he wrote cause she hasn't said anything today about it? I am going to be leaving in a few to go to my friends house. I don't have a father and my mom is always partying with her friends, and now that Dale is gone I am lost.

dalejen

Did he have a big drug problem was he using heroin or crack or something? I don't know much about that stuff, I have only smoked weed a couple of time in my life. I just remember he started closing his door alot, I though maybe he was fighting with his wife or something

BeginAgain

Sweetie take care of yourself and lean on your friends right now. Dale would definitely want you to be happy and you will be in time. I lost someone very special to me when I was about your age (a fiance') and it seemed life would never be the same. It wasn't the same - but it did get easier and I did move on with my life - you will too. You did a wonderful thing for Dale and I am so very glad you were there for him. I don't think I could have stood it if he was completely alone - he seemed so special and sweet.

I don't know much about you - but your mom must have her own set of issues. You have to focus on yourself now and take care of you. You can't change what has happened and unfortunately you can't "fix" your mom. But you can take care of yourself. Do you think your mom has a drinking problem? You said she parties alot...so I wondered if maybe there was a problem there. If so we can help you there with some support for yourself.

I think you should sit down and write out what you are feeling - it might make you feel much better and you will always have it to remember your feelings. It always helps me to journal.

Enjoy your friends tonight and be careful. Dale is watching over you I am sure...and would want you to smile and try to be happy. It will get easier with time.

BeginAgain

Dale had pain issues and old inuries from the service. He started taking the medication for that. It wasn't illegal street drugs - but anyone who takes medication for that long can become dependent or addicted. He wanted to stop taking the medication. When you have time, go back to healthboards and click on his user name and read the old posts. I think that will answer alot of your questions.

Yes he did close the door alot...we encouraged him to keep the door OPEN and after a while he did. You know he got better and was clean right before he got sick with cancer. It was such a shock - just seemed so unfair. He was just beginning to feel better. Like I said God needed a special angel.

dalejen

I dunno if she has a drinking problem, she is one of those moms who wants to be cool and young. She is neither of the two, I refuse to go to a bar with her no matter what she says to me. When she got that tatoo above her butt, butt cap she calls it, thats when I was like get away from me. I just want to run,and run, like that Forest Glump guy. I think I might have to change my name here, I don't know if this is a good thing. I mean to move on and all.

dalejen

Well maybe its wrong or the same thing but I am glad it wasn't like crack or something like that. Your kids are very lucky to have a mom like you.

dalejen

She brings these god awful leturus men around here, and then acts like were more like sisters then mother and daughter. Ughhhh makes me wanna puke

BeginAgain

Jen - I can speak from experience....put as much distance between you and your mom as necessary for your own peace of mind. I had a very dysfunctional childhood and it took a long time to grow up and grow away from that influence. I made alot of bad choices just running and hiding. You might want to read some in the other forums here. There is a Friends and Family forum, Alanon forum, Adult Children of Alcoholics forum, Mental Health forum.....even if your mom isn't an alcoholic you might benefit from some of the experience, stregnth and hope you read in those forums. Lots of great people with lots of life experience dealing with difficult parents and family members. Give it a try.

I love my dad - but he made me crazy and still can if I allow it to happen. I've learned to put up boundaries and keep them there. It makes me alot more healthy and happy to learn to keep those boundaries and live my own life!!

ValleyGurl

Good Evenning Everyone,

Sorry i wasnt really on here today, just been busy around here!
I promise i will hop on here soon and chat. We will have to get all caught up on whats been going on in our lives. After all, life is just to short to wait and to take it for granted.

JEN, Oh no honey, i am not mad at all. I am soooo VERY touched and honored that he thought enough of me to leave me a note. With all the troubles he had going on of his own....and he remembered me once telling him that things just werent going that well for me here at home with my husband.
I believe, as he said, that he would always be with me......I feel his presence.

As Janet said, I am so happy that some of your questions were answered once you read his letter. Dale was so very special and i just didnt think he would leave this earth leaving you in confusion and wondering about things.

You be sure and to take care of yourself Jen! I will be here should you need anything, ok?

Talk soon,
Valley

BeginAgain

Yes Valley I am anxious to hear what you have been up to girl!! I need to catch up on how things are going for you at home. Better?? Where are you in your recovery now?? Can we help??

Jen I hope you had a good evening with your friends. I hope that you feel better today. Did you sit down and write? I think it would make you feel so much better!! Don't forget to check out those other links here and do some reading - I think you might find some helpful things to deal with your mom and situation at home. I think there is even a greif and loss thread here.

Hope everyone else has a blessed day! Very cold today here - I'll be staying in as much as possible

dalejen

Is anyone on ??

agent alias

i'm here if you want to talk. How are you feeling today? I understand about growing up in dysfunctional families. Its never easy. I'm still working through stuff and I have a daughter and I'm old! LOL.

dalejen

Yah I am having a hard time right now