opentoe

A while ago I was clean %100 for about 2 weeks! Felt great. The big mistake of telling myself one or two won't hurt to make the time go by. Well, once again I'm starting the clean wagon. 3 days so far. Worst is over I think since I wasn't so deep as last time. I can contribute all this to being alone. I moved away from family, bought my own house and live it alone. I'm in my early 30's with my own 3 bedroom house which I live in it alone. I always wondered why some of my friends wouldn't move out of their mom/dad's house until they had a room mate or some one to live with. I don't know any guys that live in a whole house alone my age. The loneliness gets to me. Night time comes, just me and the tv. Nothing on tv I go stir crazy. Take a few pills, I'm content and happy. Evil foockers. So, I could take drastic moves to live back with family, sell my house. Hell, I don't know. Throwing down those pills was what I looked forward to doing at night...to take away those lonely feelings. It's a dangerous situation I guess. So easy to just take them. This sucks.

roadie58

Hey opentoe, I'm just a few days ahead of you. Been in around recovery progams for 3 years, can usually manage 60 days or so, then the loneliness gets to me too. For a sample of my 'what it's been like' in recovery from relapse, check out my 'I'm ALIVE' thread.

Yes, I too am a single male in my own home. Been here a year and still have paper taped to the windows and stuff in boxes. Have done some remodeling, but just get bored/tired/don't care so nothing gets done. Sound familiar. I'm real good at sorting clothes, putting them through the wash/dry, then throwing them on the bed for folding, only to brush them onto the floor that night. It does suck. What can we do to live like humans again?

Think I'll go to a meeting tonight!

kweather99

OT, Roadie,
Keep coming back. This is a program of action. Are you in recovery (working the Steps with a sponsor) or are you white-knuckling it? I learned in rehab that I need to take my worthy self into the community of AA/NA (I am cross-addicted), and that is where I will find serenity and help. My disease is disease of isolation, it thrives on me being "in my head" without supervision, as you're describing.

Get out, get to meetings, get a sponsor, and start working a program of recovery. You will find the promises of the program, as listed on pp. 83-84 of the AA Big Book always materialize "if we work for them."

I don't know where you are in NJ, but I lived in that state for a number of years and know that there are generally meetings available, and at those meetings are people who can help you. You don't have to do this alone, but we can't help you if you don't show up. Come on in, the water's fine.