OT, Roadie,
Keep coming back. This is a program of action. Are you in recovery (working the Steps with a sponsor) or are you white-knuckling it? I learned in rehab that I need to take my worthy self into the community of AA/NA (I am cross-addicted), and that is where I will find serenity and help. My disease is disease of isolation, it thrives on me being "in my head" without supervision, as you're describing.
Get out, get to meetings, get a sponsor, and start working a program of recovery. You will find the promises of the program, as listed on pp. 83-84 of the AA Big Book always materialize "if we work for them."
I don't know where you are in NJ, but I lived in that state for a number of years and know that there are generally meetings available, and at those meetings are people who can help you. You don't have to do this alone, but we can't help you if you don't show up. Come on in, the water's fine.