Relapsed and feeling really bad
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Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 256
Relapsed and feeling really bad
I made it almost 50 days clean from oxycodone using suboxone and counseling, and this past week I relapsed and used three days. The aftermath of it has left me feeling terrible. I didn't show up to work yesterday because I wasn't in any condition to work. I don't understand, using used to make everything good, this time around it left me feeling terrible inside, and really depressed.
I don't know if I should tell me employer I am in an outpatient treatment program. My work performance has suffered over the past few months as I transitioned from using to getting off and using suboxone, and the **** I pulled yesterday with not showing up probably confirmed that I am not a good employee.
I have told my boss I have some stuff going outside of work but didn't get into details, but at this point to salvage my job and a relationship with my boss should I just be upfront and honest?
Why did using make me feel so bad mentally? I literally spent all day and night lying down just feeling bad. I am going to get back on the suboxone today. I didn't get sick or anything because I didn't take the suboxone after using, and I did get high. I just feel lost right now. This was my first relapse since entering the suboxone treatment.
I don't know if I should tell me employer I am in an outpatient treatment program. My work performance has suffered over the past few months as I transitioned from using to getting off and using suboxone, and the **** I pulled yesterday with not showing up probably confirmed that I am not a good employee.
I have told my boss I have some stuff going outside of work but didn't get into details, but at this point to salvage my job and a relationship with my boss should I just be upfront and honest?
Why did using make me feel so bad mentally? I literally spent all day and night lying down just feeling bad. I am going to get back on the suboxone today. I didn't get sick or anything because I didn't take the suboxone after using, and I did get high. I just feel lost right now. This was my first relapse since entering the suboxone treatment.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 256
I know using isn’t an option. I’m back on track with suboxone today and went to the gym to get myself together mentally and feel better.
I can identify the areas in my life that has improved since being in the program. I know things are better when I’m clean.
I can identify the areas in my life that has improved since being in the program. I know things are better when I’m clean.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 293
One of the things that actually helped me to finally remain sober was no longer getting what I once did from alcohol and the ugly aftermath of binge drinking. Not just the awful hangovers and sickness but also the ugly depression that I fell into as I began the process of going through withdrawals and sobering up. The depression would make feel really creepy and hopeless. Everything that I smelled was eerily off and added to the discomfort. Nothing could comfort me until I got through it. I HATE that feeling.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 10,182
Don't beat yourself up over it. I relapsed after 4 years clean, was out there a month, and it sucked! Thank God I got back into recovery, and I know using is no longer an option for me. Hold your head high.
As for your boss, I can't tell you what to do. What I can tell you is I have been upfront with all the bosses I have had, and no negative reactions.
I believe in you! Hugs from Kansas.
As for your boss, I can't tell you what to do. What I can tell you is I have been upfront with all the bosses I have had, and no negative reactions.
I believe in you! Hugs from Kansas.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2016
Location: Wareham, Mass
Posts: 7,067
fWIW, treeguy, I wouldn’t t share too much with employer.
Just get yourself together, best you can, and go back to work.
In my experience, employers, unless they have been there, don’t really want to hear it.
They just want us to show up on time and do the job.
You are on the right track. Just keep going.
Very hard, but doable.
You can do this. You got it.
Peace.
Just get yourself together, best you can, and go back to work.
In my experience, employers, unless they have been there, don’t really want to hear it.
They just want us to show up on time and do the job.
You are on the right track. Just keep going.
Very hard, but doable.
You can do this. You got it.
Peace.
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Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: America
Posts: 4,136
Originally Posted by treeguy24 
I’m back on track with suboxone. Just been feeling lost since the relapse. Have been taking time off work to try and get myself together.
Focusing on the gym to try and get through each day.
Focusing on the gym to try and get through each day.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 256
I was honest with my employer because my performance has been off and I've pretty much disappeared since my relapse as I haven't shown up for work or anything, so after talking to my counselor I told him.
Probably the best decision I made. He understood. Said I can take as much time off as I need.
Work has been a struggle since trying to get clean, and maybe that's because I used to use before going to work all the time. Did anyone else struggle with things like work in early recovery?
Anyways, I'm not going to take any long periods of time off just another week or two to try and get myself into a better place. I feel better but now I'm just confused about everything and trying to figure my life out. My counselor said this happens to people in recovery, because we are trying to rebuild our lives all over again. Especially if we lost things to our addiction, etc.
It sucks, but I much rather be on this side of recovery then at the beginning just getting started again and actively using.
Probably the best decision I made. He understood. Said I can take as much time off as I need.
Work has been a struggle since trying to get clean, and maybe that's because I used to use before going to work all the time. Did anyone else struggle with things like work in early recovery?
Anyways, I'm not going to take any long periods of time off just another week or two to try and get myself into a better place. I feel better but now I'm just confused about everything and trying to figure my life out. My counselor said this happens to people in recovery, because we are trying to rebuild our lives all over again. Especially if we lost things to our addiction, etc.
It sucks, but I much rather be on this side of recovery then at the beginning just getting started again and actively using.
♢Just For Today
Join Date: Jul 2018
Location: Providence, RI
Posts: 15
I think it's totally normal to struggle with work and other life events in early recovery. Many of us are dealing with emotions that we have suppressed with drugs for the first time in a long while. These emotions can feel very raw.
Try not to overwhelm yourself. Do things in small chunks - make a list if you have to, then check off each task as you go. Structure can be a big help.
View your relapse as a stress test - where did the first cracks show when you were in the situation of being tempted. Did you feel bored, depressed, did something happen at work or with loved ones? Use this knowledge to figure out what aspects of your recovery need fine tuning. Just don't beat yourelf up about the relapse. You are back on the right track.
Best of luck to you and keep doing the next right thing.
Try not to overwhelm yourself. Do things in small chunks - make a list if you have to, then check off each task as you go. Structure can be a big help.
View your relapse as a stress test - where did the first cracks show when you were in the situation of being tempted. Did you feel bored, depressed, did something happen at work or with loved ones? Use this knowledge to figure out what aspects of your recovery need fine tuning. Just don't beat yourelf up about the relapse. You are back on the right track.
Best of luck to you and keep doing the next right thing.
RIP Maria
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: AR
Posts: 7,654
Hi treeguy24!
I was told many years ago: "Our DOC is like a lover in our lives! A BF/GF! When we stop using? It's like breaking up with that BF/GF! We start going thru all sorts of feelings. Anger, crying, depression, lost, confused, tired, etc.
When we make the decision to get off our DOC for good and get our lives back on track? Using again just isn't as wonderful as it used to be. We feel we've betrayed ourselves and others in our lives that came to know us off our DOC! Then of course there's the dreaded withdrawals and detoxing we have to go thru again that we dread! It all just sucks! BUT? There is light at the end of that tunnel! Because once you've made it thru the withdrawals and detoxing? You'll slowly start to get your life back! You'll start to feel better too!
In my case it takes 3 to 7 days to flush drugs out of my system. My DOC is Pain meds! I can smell the drugs in my urine, so I always knew when my body was done flushing them.
Once the DOC is out of your system? Make a change! Start going thru drawers, closets, boxes, etc. and clean them out! Open your home to the freshness of a new clean life! Around my home it's a constant cleaning out of things thanks to how we live around here! LOL
Don't beat yourself up for relapsing! I don't know of any Recovering person that hasn't done it? It's part of our DNA! Just remember to GET back on track and off it. I'm grateful it's harder and harder to get pain meds now. Years ago I took so many it's a wonder I'm alive today?
Great job on being honest with your employer too! We aren't ourselves using or going thru w/d's. Others see it and know something isn't right! By telling your employer? It will help you to stay on the right clean track knowing he knows now you have a drug problem!
Best of luck to ya treeguy24!
TOD(tiredofdrugs)
I was told many years ago: "Our DOC is like a lover in our lives! A BF/GF! When we stop using? It's like breaking up with that BF/GF! We start going thru all sorts of feelings. Anger, crying, depression, lost, confused, tired, etc.
When we make the decision to get off our DOC for good and get our lives back on track? Using again just isn't as wonderful as it used to be. We feel we've betrayed ourselves and others in our lives that came to know us off our DOC! Then of course there's the dreaded withdrawals and detoxing we have to go thru again that we dread! It all just sucks! BUT? There is light at the end of that tunnel! Because once you've made it thru the withdrawals and detoxing? You'll slowly start to get your life back! You'll start to feel better too!
In my case it takes 3 to 7 days to flush drugs out of my system. My DOC is Pain meds! I can smell the drugs in my urine, so I always knew when my body was done flushing them.
Once the DOC is out of your system? Make a change! Start going thru drawers, closets, boxes, etc. and clean them out! Open your home to the freshness of a new clean life! Around my home it's a constant cleaning out of things thanks to how we live around here! LOL
Don't beat yourself up for relapsing! I don't know of any Recovering person that hasn't done it? It's part of our DNA! Just remember to GET back on track and off it. I'm grateful it's harder and harder to get pain meds now. Years ago I took so many it's a wonder I'm alive today?
Great job on being honest with your employer too! We aren't ourselves using or going thru w/d's. Others see it and know something isn't right! By telling your employer? It will help you to stay on the right clean track knowing he knows now you have a drug problem!
Best of luck to ya treeguy24!
TOD(tiredofdrugs)
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 256
Originally Posted by Sobreviviente
I think it's totally normal to struggle with work and other life events in early recovery. Many of us are dealing with emotions that we have suppressed with drugs for the first time in a long while. These emotions can feel very raw.
Try not to overwhelm yourself. Do things in small chunks - make a list if you have to, then check off each task as you go. Structure can be a big help.
View your relapse as a stress test - where did the first cracks show when you were in the situation of being tempted. Did you feel bored, depressed, did something happen at work or with loved ones? Use this knowledge to figure out what aspects of your recovery need fine tuning. Just don't beat yourelf up about the relapse. You are back on the right track.
Best of luck to you and keep doing the next right thing.
Try not to overwhelm yourself. Do things in small chunks - make a list if you have to, then check off each task as you go. Structure can be a big help.
View your relapse as a stress test - where did the first cracks show when you were in the situation of being tempted. Did you feel bored, depressed, did something happen at work or with loved ones? Use this knowledge to figure out what aspects of your recovery need fine tuning. Just don't beat yourelf up about the relapse. You are back on the right track.
Best of luck to you and keep doing the next right thing.
This time around after my relapse though I feel different. I'm starting to think about where I actually want to go with life, etc. That living without drugs is a possibility for me. That I don't have to use.
Originally Posted by Tiredofdrugs
Hi treeguy24!
I was told many years ago: "Our DOC is like a lover in our lives! A BF/GF! When we stop using? It's like breaking up with that BF/GF! We start going thru all sorts of feelings. Anger, crying, depression, lost, confused, tired, etc.
When we make the decision to get off our DOC for good and get our lives back on track? Using again just isn't as wonderful as it used to be. We feel we've betrayed ourselves and others in our lives that came to know us off our DOC! Then of course there's the dreaded withdrawals and detoxing we have to go thru again that we dread! It all just sucks! BUT? There is light at the end of that tunnel! Because once you've made it thru the withdrawals and detoxing? You'll slowly start to get your life back! You'll start to feel better too!
In my case it takes 3 to 7 days to flush drugs out of my system. My DOC is Pain meds! I can smell the drugs in my urine, so I always knew when my body was done flushing them.
Once the DOC is out of your system? Make a change! Start going thru drawers, closets, boxes, etc. and clean them out! Open your home to the freshness of a new clean life! Around my home it's a constant cleaning out of things thanks to how we live around here! LOL
Don't beat yourself up for relapsing! I don't know of any Recovering person that hasn't done it? It's part of our DNA! Just remember to GET back on track and off it. I'm grateful it's harder and harder to get pain meds now. Years ago I took so many it's a wonder I'm alive today?
Great job on being honest with your employer too! We aren't ourselves using or going thru w/d's. Others see it and know something isn't right! By telling your employer? It will help you to stay on the right clean track knowing he knows now you have a drug problem!
Best of luck to ya treeguy24!
TOD(tiredofdrugs)
I was told many years ago: "Our DOC is like a lover in our lives! A BF/GF! When we stop using? It's like breaking up with that BF/GF! We start going thru all sorts of feelings. Anger, crying, depression, lost, confused, tired, etc.
When we make the decision to get off our DOC for good and get our lives back on track? Using again just isn't as wonderful as it used to be. We feel we've betrayed ourselves and others in our lives that came to know us off our DOC! Then of course there's the dreaded withdrawals and detoxing we have to go thru again that we dread! It all just sucks! BUT? There is light at the end of that tunnel! Because once you've made it thru the withdrawals and detoxing? You'll slowly start to get your life back! You'll start to feel better too!
In my case it takes 3 to 7 days to flush drugs out of my system. My DOC is Pain meds! I can smell the drugs in my urine, so I always knew when my body was done flushing them.
Once the DOC is out of your system? Make a change! Start going thru drawers, closets, boxes, etc. and clean them out! Open your home to the freshness of a new clean life! Around my home it's a constant cleaning out of things thanks to how we live around here! LOL
Don't beat yourself up for relapsing! I don't know of any Recovering person that hasn't done it? It's part of our DNA! Just remember to GET back on track and off it. I'm grateful it's harder and harder to get pain meds now. Years ago I took so many it's a wonder I'm alive today?
Great job on being honest with your employer too! We aren't ourselves using or going thru w/d's. Others see it and know something isn't right! By telling your employer? It will help you to stay on the right clean track knowing he knows now you have a drug problem!
Best of luck to ya treeguy24!
TOD(tiredofdrugs)
And then there is the depression that comes and goes since getting clean. But then again, I've been feeding myself with drugs for so long that I'm used to only really feeling pleasure from the oxy.
RIP Maria
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: AR
Posts: 7,654
treeguy24!
What or why did you start using the Oxys?
Did you use them before/after you started this job?
Are you proud of what you do in your job? Do you make a difference for others in what you do in your job?
Are you tired of chasing your oxy's? Seems they aren't always available? That causes relapse after relapse after relapse! That's a horrible way to live! Always waiting and wanting your next fix, only to be right back where you started all over again!
I was introduced to pain meds in 1985 from a doctor that prescribed them to me because he thought I was depressed! LORDY! If I only knew then, what I know now about pain meds? I would have run for the hills!
In 2015 after taking 670 pills in 3 months time? I decided enough is enough! I spent 30 days going thru horrible w/d's and detoxing cold turkey off them. Of course being a Disabled Veteran and going thru multiple injuries and surgeries? I've been on and off them again! But I always got back off them. I didn't want to be on that rat race chasing them anymore! Sure there's times I'd LOVE to pop a pill and feel that feeling again! But what's the use in doing that? I know ONE pill will/would never be enough! So I don't want to start that HELL all over again!
The first 30 days is always the hardest of getting off the pills! What you need to focus on during those 30 days and there after is: "What are you planning on doing with your life?" Do you want to continue being a slave to those pills and paying PPL for them with your hard earned dollars? Or do you want to say "F" it and move towards improving your life? Those drugs don't care who you are and the money you spend on them is going in someone else's pocket to enjoy!
Go volunteer somewhere that you can make a difference at. A soup kitchen, Humane Society, etc. If it's only two hours a week it's something to get you out of your norm and to help others. If you keep doing the same old, same old? You'll be sitting in that same spot thinking of using.
TOD
What or why did you start using the Oxys?
Did you use them before/after you started this job?
Are you proud of what you do in your job? Do you make a difference for others in what you do in your job?
Are you tired of chasing your oxy's? Seems they aren't always available? That causes relapse after relapse after relapse! That's a horrible way to live! Always waiting and wanting your next fix, only to be right back where you started all over again!
I was introduced to pain meds in 1985 from a doctor that prescribed them to me because he thought I was depressed! LORDY! If I only knew then, what I know now about pain meds? I would have run for the hills!
In 2015 after taking 670 pills in 3 months time? I decided enough is enough! I spent 30 days going thru horrible w/d's and detoxing cold turkey off them. Of course being a Disabled Veteran and going thru multiple injuries and surgeries? I've been on and off them again! But I always got back off them. I didn't want to be on that rat race chasing them anymore! Sure there's times I'd LOVE to pop a pill and feel that feeling again! But what's the use in doing that? I know ONE pill will/would never be enough! So I don't want to start that HELL all over again!
The first 30 days is always the hardest of getting off the pills! What you need to focus on during those 30 days and there after is: "What are you planning on doing with your life?" Do you want to continue being a slave to those pills and paying PPL for them with your hard earned dollars? Or do you want to say "F" it and move towards improving your life? Those drugs don't care who you are and the money you spend on them is going in someone else's pocket to enjoy!
Go volunteer somewhere that you can make a difference at. A soup kitchen, Humane Society, etc. If it's only two hours a week it's something to get you out of your norm and to help others. If you keep doing the same old, same old? You'll be sitting in that same spot thinking of using.
TOD
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 10,182
Work was difficult for me early on because like you, I would use before work. It does get easier with time, I promise. So glad you talked to your employer. Use your time off wisely, recharge, find someone to talk to.
I got clean/sober through 12 step programs. I know that isn't for everyone, but it saved my ass. Having a sponsor, and phone numbers of other people in recovery helped me immensely.
Sending you hugs of support!
I got clean/sober through 12 step programs. I know that isn't for everyone, but it saved my ass. Having a sponsor, and phone numbers of other people in recovery helped me immensely.
Sending you hugs of support!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 256
Originally Posted by Tiredofdrugs
treeguy24!
What or why did you start using the Oxys?
Did you use them before/after you started this job?
Are you proud of what you do in your job? Do you make a difference for others in what you do in your job?
Are you tired of chasing your oxy's? Seems they aren't always available? That causes relapse after relapse after relapse! That's a horrible way to live! Always waiting and wanting your next fix, only to be right back where you started all over again!
I was introduced to pain meds in 1985 from a doctor that prescribed them to me because he thought I was depressed! LORDY! If I only knew then, what I know now about pain meds? I would have run for the hills!
In 2015 after taking 670 pills in 3 months time? I decided enough is enough! I spent 30 days going thru horrible w/d's and detoxing cold turkey off them. Of course being a Disabled Veteran and going thru multiple injuries and surgeries? I've been on and off them again! But I always got back off them. I didn't want to be on that rat race chasing them anymore! Sure there's times I'd LOVE to pop a pill and feel that feeling again! But what's the use in doing that? I know ONE pill will/would never be enough! So I don't want to start that HELL all over again!
The first 30 days is always the hardest of getting off the pills! What you need to focus on during those 30 days and there after is: "What are you planning on doing with your life?" Do you want to continue being a slave to those pills and paying PPL for them with your hard earned dollars? Or do you want to say "F" it and move towards improving your life? Those drugs don't care who you are and the money you spend on them is going in someone else's pocket to enjoy!
Go volunteer somewhere that you can make a difference at. A soup kitchen, Humane Society, etc. If it's only two hours a week it's something to get you out of your norm and to help others. If you keep doing the same old, same old? You'll be sitting in that same spot thinking of using.
TOD
What or why did you start using the Oxys?
Did you use them before/after you started this job?
Are you proud of what you do in your job? Do you make a difference for others in what you do in your job?
Are you tired of chasing your oxy's? Seems they aren't always available? That causes relapse after relapse after relapse! That's a horrible way to live! Always waiting and wanting your next fix, only to be right back where you started all over again!
I was introduced to pain meds in 1985 from a doctor that prescribed them to me because he thought I was depressed! LORDY! If I only knew then, what I know now about pain meds? I would have run for the hills!
In 2015 after taking 670 pills in 3 months time? I decided enough is enough! I spent 30 days going thru horrible w/d's and detoxing cold turkey off them. Of course being a Disabled Veteran and going thru multiple injuries and surgeries? I've been on and off them again! But I always got back off them. I didn't want to be on that rat race chasing them anymore! Sure there's times I'd LOVE to pop a pill and feel that feeling again! But what's the use in doing that? I know ONE pill will/would never be enough! So I don't want to start that HELL all over again!
The first 30 days is always the hardest of getting off the pills! What you need to focus on during those 30 days and there after is: "What are you planning on doing with your life?" Do you want to continue being a slave to those pills and paying PPL for them with your hard earned dollars? Or do you want to say "F" it and move towards improving your life? Those drugs don't care who you are and the money you spend on them is going in someone else's pocket to enjoy!
Go volunteer somewhere that you can make a difference at. A soup kitchen, Humane Society, etc. If it's only two hours a week it's something to get you out of your norm and to help others. If you keep doing the same old, same old? You'll be sitting in that same spot thinking of using.
TOD
That's where I am at now, trying to figure out what I want to do with my life. It's all confusing. When I was using I felt like everything was together, it wasn't until I came off and got clean that the mental roller coaster took off. Does that make sense?
I'm trying to figure out my purpose, what I want to do, how to have a fulfilling life, etc. Dealing with the depression that pops up at different times.
Originally Posted by Freedom1990
Work was difficult for me early on because like you, I would use before work. It does get easier with time, I promise. So glad you talked to your employer. Use your time off wisely, recharge, find someone to talk to.
I got clean/sober through 12 step programs. I know that isn't for everyone, but it saved my ass. Having a sponsor, and phone numbers of other people in recovery helped me immensely.
Sending you hugs of support!
I got clean/sober through 12 step programs. I know that isn't for everyone, but it saved my ass. Having a sponsor, and phone numbers of other people in recovery helped me immensely.
Sending you hugs of support!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: America
Posts: 4,136
Treeguy-Sounds like you have a fair amount of depression going on. And, yes, some people use drugs when they are depressed. I call it "self-medicating" and I think it's a very real thing. My hubs disagrees with me on this. He thinks "self medicating" is just an excuse. To me it's more of an "escape" for mental, emotional, spiritual pain...and opiates for instance give a temporary euphoria.
I also feel strongly that underlying issues must be addressed, whatever those may be. A person can abstain from many things on sheer willpower alone, as you may very well know yourself. But if the underlying issues are not addressed, they are still no going to be happy. I don't know if you're getting help for your depression or not.
I've been treated with depression. Some things were more helpful than others. It helps to know you're not alone and that many people suffer from it. Many suffer in silence, and I find that very sad. It's like they carry on with their lives....putting on a brave front....going about their daily tasks...but they are not really finding JOY in life. So, one my approaches to addressing my own depression was learning or in some cases, "re-learning" how to find joy....
Finding joy....we have to FIND it. It doesn't just fall into our laps. It takes effort; it takes time. We have to make time to do the things we love so much; whether it's a creative outlet or something that requires sheer physical output.
I also had to seriously address my insomnia...because if I don't sleep well...it screws everything up!! Some people are even admitted as inpatients specifically for "sleep therapy". I'm open minded about it and there are times when people need meds to help them sleep. That's OKAY! Nothing to be ashamed of.
I also feel strongly that underlying issues must be addressed, whatever those may be. A person can abstain from many things on sheer willpower alone, as you may very well know yourself. But if the underlying issues are not addressed, they are still no going to be happy. I don't know if you're getting help for your depression or not.
I've been treated with depression. Some things were more helpful than others. It helps to know you're not alone and that many people suffer from it. Many suffer in silence, and I find that very sad. It's like they carry on with their lives....putting on a brave front....going about their daily tasks...but they are not really finding JOY in life. So, one my approaches to addressing my own depression was learning or in some cases, "re-learning" how to find joy....
Finding joy....we have to FIND it. It doesn't just fall into our laps. It takes effort; it takes time. We have to make time to do the things we love so much; whether it's a creative outlet or something that requires sheer physical output.
I also had to seriously address my insomnia...because if I don't sleep well...it screws everything up!! Some people are even admitted as inpatients specifically for "sleep therapy". I'm open minded about it and there are times when people need meds to help them sleep. That's OKAY! Nothing to be ashamed of.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 256
I'm thinking about maybe going back to College. I started a degree back in 2013 when I graduated high school, but I don't think my head was in it at the time because of some events that had taken place in my life. I ended up walking away with about a year or so left towards an associates.
Since getting clean I am overwhelmed with different thoughts about where I want to go, what I want to do, etc. During my drug use I never thought about these things, just thought about how I would afford the next round of fixes.
I'm still not sure what I want to do and I don't want to make any big life changes in early recovery because I might not be thinking things all the way through right now. But it seems like a safe thing for me to do while not upending my whole life. I can finish what I started and it will give me focus which is something I need especially now in recovery, and allow me time to still figure things out. If I can get financial aid then I have nothing to lose by going for it even if I then decide I don't want to use the degree.
Unfortunately my counselor is on vacation this week so I won't be seeing her.
Since getting clean I am overwhelmed with different thoughts about where I want to go, what I want to do, etc. During my drug use I never thought about these things, just thought about how I would afford the next round of fixes.
I'm still not sure what I want to do and I don't want to make any big life changes in early recovery because I might not be thinking things all the way through right now. But it seems like a safe thing for me to do while not upending my whole life. I can finish what I started and it will give me focus which is something I need especially now in recovery, and allow me time to still figure things out. If I can get financial aid then I have nothing to lose by going for it even if I then decide I don't want to use the degree.
Unfortunately my counselor is on vacation this week so I won't be seeing her.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: America
Posts: 4,136
There is true confidence vs. artificial confidence....addictions tend to give us "artificial confidence" as well as temporary confidence...and by addictions I'm not just talking about substance abuse but also other addictions such as relationships, workaholism, food, gambling, spending, whatever. ..anything that fires up our brains makes us feel like "we can tackle this".
Perhaps you didn't finish your degree because life in general interfered, (I get that)...we DO have various "obligations", afterall, that come along. But it's also possible you didn't finish your degree because you didn't think you COULD...For myself, half the battle in life is really knowing what you want to do and the other half is figuring out how to attain those goals and coming to terms with what is stopping you. Some things we are sort of forced to do; other things we WANT TO DO...but for whatever reason we can't. I guess that is just how life goes...we have to reconcile it one way or the other or we will end up in depression.
Ever think about what kinds of burdens are holding you down? I have. Guilt? Grief? Feeling unfulfilled? Lack of passion? Burdens? Frustration?So many things can hold a person down....perhaps until we reach a breaking point and understand we must free ourselves from the fetters and chains that keep us in bondage.
Perhaps you didn't finish your degree because life in general interfered, (I get that)...we DO have various "obligations", afterall, that come along. But it's also possible you didn't finish your degree because you didn't think you COULD...For myself, half the battle in life is really knowing what you want to do and the other half is figuring out how to attain those goals and coming to terms with what is stopping you. Some things we are sort of forced to do; other things we WANT TO DO...but for whatever reason we can't. I guess that is just how life goes...we have to reconcile it one way or the other or we will end up in depression.
Ever think about what kinds of burdens are holding you down? I have. Guilt? Grief? Feeling unfulfilled? Lack of passion? Burdens? Frustration?So many things can hold a person down....perhaps until we reach a breaking point and understand we must free ourselves from the fetters and chains that keep us in bondage.
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