godsdrummer209

I really hope your not back on them pills again, remember how hard it was for you to come off of them , really hoping to hear from u sugar. I need your support just as much as u need mine.

godsdrummer209

Hey sugar! I hate the fact that you haven't been here for almost a whole day I could really use ur help and I don't want to expect the worst but hope your still clean 76 hours in and majority of symptoms are gone only dilated pupils and sneezing are here . I'm just super down , depressed and emotionally down any suggestions ? I'm not even thinking about using but just need to get through these emotions and hopeful that I'll sleep tonight

sugarangel

I'm here, GD. And I'm okay. I'm sorry I didn't respond sooner. I'm still dealing with this plumbing stuff. It's still not finished. And I am so stressed out about everything and feeling overwhelmed and not at all prepared to deal with life in any way. I'm stuck in a rut atm.
As for you being down and depressed, that is totally normal. But it sucks to feel that way. The only thing that really helps me at all is to mentally check out. A funny movie or a good book. listening to upbeat music. I know that's not much advice, but I am trying to figure it out, too. Exercise would probably help the most with this, but I can't find the energy or will yet to do that. Do you feel physically like you could do some walking or something?? I do know that when I take my dog out for a walk in the sunshine, I actually feel much better for a while. It helps to get up and do something, too. I put stuff off and put stuff off because doing anything anymore takes a massive effort, but if I give myself a reward to look forward to, like a hot bath, ice cream and a funny movie, then it's easier to get through. And once whatever it is is done, I feel like I accomplished something and then I can enjoy my reward without the stress that I didn't get anything done and was just a lazy lump all day.
Meetings helped, too, when I was going. The rest of the day after a meeting just went better for some reason. Maybe that could be helpful??

I hope I said something that helped. I am really struggling with the emotional and mental aspects of wds, too. So, if you find something that helps you, please share!! I can use all the advice I can get!!
Thanks for being here, GD. It really means a lot.

sugarangel

Hey guys.....

Having another tough day, today. Slugging through another 24 sober, but wanting not to be. I'm very depressed and sad.
I'm hoping for better tomorrow.

godsdrummer209

Hang in there sugar... my mom has an appointment with her oncologist on Friday because her lymph Node is swollen and I've been down all day Just depressed .. please keep her in your prayers

CallMeJosh

I'm sorry sugar...I was feeling the same way yesterday. I'm FORCING myself to be more positive today. Bills, lack of money, being underemployed.. I'm NOT complaining.. I'm incredibly blessed to have a job..but when I work even overtime and that still isn't paying the bills...and I'm applying like mad for new jobs while I'm at work...and home...and nothing seems to really be connecting...It's tough. I'm sorry about all of your bathroom repairs. I once repaired my own plumbing.. the contractor wanted $3,000 USD. I did it for $49. It just took me nearly 48 hours.

Keep your head up, we are here for you.

Remember, you're handling all this sober. It's hard to handle it as it is...but doing so sober adds a huge layer of complexity that needs to be respected and applauded.

Hence me: you.

Keep up the good work. Seriously.

CallMeJosh

When I was pre-med..swollen lymph nodes were a symptom of nearly everythinggggggg...

Am I downplaying the severity? HELL NO. Am I just letting you know it could be anything, absolutely. I'm praying for her..and you.

"Your mom can't have a junkie taking care of her" was a mantra I repeated to myself to get clean...so the same goes for you. We have to stay clean for ourselves - but it helps when we are clean so we can better aid/serve/help others.

Take care and stay positive - - also stay busy! Don't let boredom SABOTAGE you. It does to me..

godsdrummer209

yeah... well she had a history of breast cancer, and there is a chance it might be lymphoma but she does need me and im able to be there for her when im clean and sober. I just need to learn how to deal with feelings rather than to numb them, because main reason of my using wasnt to feel good or have fun while getting high but to be numb and not care.

sugarangel

Hey guys,

Thanks so much for the posts and the encouragement. It is so appreciated.
I'm so sorry, GD, about your mom. You, too, Josh. I know I have a lot of issues with my mom, but I honestly don't know how I would handle it if she were sick. That is a tough thing you guys are going through, and to make the decision to get and stay sober during this time is really inspiring. You are both doing so well, and I am so happy for both of you!!

I'm doing okay, too. Lots of money worries and mom worries and such, but what can ya do?? I'm sober and my bills are pretty much paid. I have food in the fridge. And I don't wake up every morning wishing I'd died in my sleep. That's improvement!!I'm just trying to relax, not get in my own head too much, and take one day at a time. I am trying to learn how to self soothe. How to parent myself. How to live life on life's terms. It's so freakin hard, but I'm working it out, I think. Only time will tell. My birthday is Wednesday, and I am happier than I can say that I am going to spend it sober. I NEVER thought I'd say that!!

Hope everyone is having a lovely, sober day. I am praying for you and your moms, GD and Josh.

Love you guys.

teatreeoil007

A big Happy Birthday to you, Sugar!!

Jaeger

Happy Birthday, Sugar!!!

sugarangel

Awww!! Thank you, Tea!! You are awesome and you made my day!!

sugarangel

Thank you, Jaeger!! So cool!!

sugarangel

Almost 30 days clean. Just a few more days to go!!

CallMeJosh

Well said. Something must be in the air..same feeling here. Coworkers are ok, a few are making it difficult...home life is a mess...nothing seems 'neat and tidy' or 'perfect'.

I know perfection is impossible but man..I'd like some aspect or area of my life that isn't all messed up, just one part I could say 'that's good.'

I've been telling myself it could be worse..much worse..trying to refocus my viewpoint of the situation/my outlook on life..but I'm just not having any luck today.

I understand your post. I want to use and just feel good, then tackle parts of my life that I can "fix" and make better. But I won't..sobriety is key.

...at least I keep telling myself that...

sugarangel

I hear you!! Attitude is key. The way I think about something is usually the way I am going to feel about something. It helps me a lot to focus on what I do have and the things I am grateful for. I don't know if you do a gratitude list or not, but I find that if I take just a few minutes at the end of my day and write down like 5 things to be grateful for, it just makes me feel better. It really does help. I think it's like a perspective thing.
Hang in there. I am almost 30 days in, and it's getting better now. Finally. So don't give up!! You're just about to that point!!

Have a great day!!

CallMeJosh

I think the Gratitude List FORCES us to change focus and FORCES us to FOCUS on the positive things. It works well because when we are in a negative space or a negative/bad mindset it takes longer to find five 'good' or 'happy' or 'positive' things...which in reality once we think of five we (sometimes) have been focusing on good or positive things for long enough we have shifted our attitude and mindset.

Make sense?

Well it isn't working for me. No matter how many positives I write down. I think I'm just broken for today. Kind of like when a phone or computer needs to be restarted for the updates to take place.

That's where I'm at.

Restart. Maybe tomorrow will be better. Positive.Attitude.exe not taken effect. Restart Now? Press ANY KEY to restart.

...any key...

ZZzzzappp....fizzzlee....smoke...

Limber2929

I clocked out of work early today. It was a very testing day. I couldn't tell if I was irritable because of work **** or because of withdrawls, so I've kept my head down and just trudged through.

We had an animal pee in our reception area and I got snapped at for mopping it up. A coworker started snapping at me about how "people can slip and sue us, the floor is wet!" I told her I had literally just mopped and I put up a caution sign, but until it dries, a mopped floor does tend to be wet. Stupid nit picking like this all day, it was very irritating.

I feel better than I expected actually. I'm hoping this is the worst of it, but I think I'm fooling myself. I have sharp pains and aches, but ibuprofen is helping. Definitely foggy headed and listless, and my stomach is not feeling so hot. My appetite is gone, but I've been forcing myself to eat. The hardest thing for me so far has been trying to figure out if I'm upset because of withdrawls or if it's a situation that is justified.

My husband and I are fighting. He has no idea I'm withdrawing, although I think he just chooses not to see it sometimes. I got off work yesterday at 630, and promptly fell asleep. My husband woke me up when he got home around 9, and was being extremely sweet. He made the bed for me, put on star trek for me to watch, that kind of thing. Then I smell poop, and see about 4 piles of puppy poo. I realize he had seen this when he was making the bed and didn't bother to pick it up. Our puppy pooped on a clean load of laundry that I had set down to fold last night and on the floor, and I started crying and went outside to smoke a cigarette. I said some choice words when he ignored the mess and kept watching tv. I had just worked a 12 hour shift and was coming up on 31 hours without a pill, but I tossed the laundry back in the machine, swept and mopped my floor, opened the windows and aired out the room.

Part of me feels like I should talk to him about this, but a selfish part wants him to recognize that I'm struggling and reach out on his own. Is this part of withdrawls? A certain emotional selfishness, or is it just me? As I'm writing this, I have to say, I am extremely agitated and just want to sleep. But I can't until my husband gets home so he can watch the puppy. This SUCKS. I'm not going to, but I really am craving a pill right now.

I think that the thing that's helped me most has been thinking of it as "not a big deal." A kind of "this sucks, but I'll get over it" mentality. I figure I could apply it to other areas of my life, so why not this one. And so far it's worked. Does anyone else experience almost a brooding irritability during withdrawl? If so, how long does it last for, and what's helped you all get through it?

sugarangel

Hi!! You found the thread!! Awesome!!
So, it sounds like you are having quite the day!! I can tell you that that's exactly how I was when I quit. I was so irritated over every little thing. Everything you talked about I can relate to. I've gotten mad or cried over the stupidest ****. I swear, I thought for a while there that I was losing my mind. I mean, I'm still not sure I'm not, but I do know I am much more even tempered now than I was!! But, dealing with anything even slightly stressful while in wds was really hard.
Brooding irritability. That sounds absolutely right for 48 hrs in. It will get better, though, I promise. It started to get better foe me at around 3 weeks or so, but it's hard to give a timeline for something like that. Everybody's different and has different circumstances. Getting enough food and water and rest helps a lot, too.
I'm thinking, from what you've shared, that you wouldn't be able to do what I did, but I literally had to stay away from everybody and everything for a while. I was so irritated and hating on everything that I just wasn't fit company for anybody. Hell, even I couldn't stand being around myself. I literally stayed in bed and binge watched Netflix and ate chocolate. (It sounds better than it actually was)
Keeping a good mental attitude, one that works for you, is a great idea. Tell yourself whatever you need to in order to get through this. We can talk ourselves into believing anything. For instance, I talked myself into the idea that I was always going to be an addict. That I would die one. And that no one on earth would care. How's that for stupid thinking. Then, I figured if I could talk myself into being an addict, I could talk myself out of being one. And, I guess it's working. I'm sober today. And I hope and pray every night I will stay that way tomorrow.
I wish I had more to offer by way of advice. It will get easier. It will get better. And all the things that are making you feel crazy and irritated right now won't bother you so much anymore. And all the things you are feeling right now are normal for what you're going through. Try and take it easy on yourself. Wds are really hard. I tried to treat myself the way I would treat someone I loved if they were going through the same thing, and it helped.
You can do this. And we are all here to help you in any way we can. I hope you manage to have a nice night and be able to let go of the bad day you're having. Hang in there, and let us know how you are doing, okay?? You can post here as much as you like, anytime you like.
And, great job on 48 hrs!! That is awesome!!

sugarangel

Ah, Josh. Even when you are feeling miserable, you are still funny. I'm sorry you are having such a terrible day and can't seem to 'find your religion'. I've had days like that, too. You know I have. And they suck. I always just go to bed, eat ice cream, and tune out the world. Pull the covers over my head. Pretend there's been a zombie apocalypse and I am the only one left alive on earth. Whatever works.
I sincerely hope tomorrow is a better day for you!!