i wish meds never came in my life
Member
Join Date: Apr 2008
Posts: 11
Originally Posted by Stagebear 
I just sent you a private message. You are not alone.
I am a lurker here. I post very little but I read almost every day. I have never spoken with Stagebear but I've read so much of what he's said in this forum. Whatever he said to you in the private message he sent you, LISTEN TO HIM.
I wish you nothing but happiness. I hope you can get clean sooner rather than later.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 83
Thanks.
I am having awful urges to take more of my Oxycodone because I just got them filled today. I took 8 today. Now I'm just in bed (or almost) and need another or want another.
I am going to try to take a few benedrly and hopefully it will take my mind off of it. I just took one and it's not working.
I've takin 7 Klonipins today but it won't stop the craving for the Oxycodone. I don't even want to watch shows that I used to. And don't want to do anything right now. I'm just really blah at this moment and I know my pill bottle is a few inches away and I just want to pop a Oxycodone but I just keep doing the Klonipins but they aren't helping me.
I am having awful urges to take more of my Oxycodone because I just got them filled today. I took 8 today. Now I'm just in bed (or almost) and need another or want another.
I am going to try to take a few benedrly and hopefully it will take my mind off of it. I just took one and it's not working.
I've takin 7 Klonipins today but it won't stop the craving for the Oxycodone. I don't even want to watch shows that I used to. And don't want to do anything right now. I'm just really blah at this moment and I know my pill bottle is a few inches away and I just want to pop a Oxycodone but I just keep doing the Klonipins but they aren't helping me.
Now with fewer opiates!
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Southern New Jersey, USA
Posts: 1,405
You are taking random meds hoping they will take away your anxiety and desperation. You have to know what that means and where it will lead you.
I responded to your PM. You really need to get some help, now. Until you do I am unsure what more we can do. I will offer all the support I can, as I am sure others will, but you have to want to end the insanity, not prolong it.
I responded to your PM. You really need to get some help, now. Until you do I am unsure what more we can do. I will offer all the support I can, as I am sure others will, but you have to want to end the insanity, not prolong it.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Dayton, OH.
Posts: 879
Originally Posted by AmIanAddict30
I'm sorry to post this but i am so scared right now.
I'm here staring at the screen and I don't know what to do.
Here is the situation. I was just offered Heroin and I said no.
I had good thoughts of just being me and not hiding anything. I always feel like people hate me or are going to hate me but as soon as I do an OC, I feel like I am liked and people want to be around me.
People used to love me. I used to be the person people would turn to for advice even if my advice wouldn't make too much sense just to talk to me would make things better.
Then when I was 21 I came out of the so called closet, yeah if you don't know I am gay. I remember the day I told my parents. My dad didn't talk to me for almost three weeks. I know they don't accept me or they just tolerate it. I'm not the kind of gay person who acts it so it's hard to tell in most cases.
I'm here staring at the screen and I don't know what to do.
Here is the situation. I was just offered Heroin and I said no.
I had good thoughts of just being me and not hiding anything. I always feel like people hate me or are going to hate me but as soon as I do an OC, I feel like I am liked and people want to be around me.
People used to love me. I used to be the person people would turn to for advice even if my advice wouldn't make too much sense just to talk to me would make things better.
Then when I was 21 I came out of the so called closet, yeah if you don't know I am gay. I remember the day I told my parents. My dad didn't talk to me for almost three weeks. I know they don't accept me or they just tolerate it. I'm not the kind of gay person who acts it so it's hard to tell in most cases.
I am still the "go to" person for advice or just an ear. Even though they ALL know I am a crackhead (who doesn't smoke crack).
There is nothing wrong with being gay. Some of my best friends are gay (actually lesbian). I think they coined that term correctly. Most of the gay people I know ARE very happy people and you can be that way someday too.
I know you can. Hon, you can DO IT. You can get off the scripts and become a real person again. Enjoying being the reliable person, enjoy being gay, enjoy not using or having the need to use, and enjoy life again. It WILL come. There will be mistakes to be made, yes, but each mistake you learn from, will make you a better person. I highly advise you to seek out new friends. Go to meetings. Check out the website I offered you. Or seek medical help to ease some of the withdrawal symptoms. I don't know a thing about pills, but if heroin junkies, crackheads, and meth addicts can make it, YOU CAN TOO. I know people, who shot up meth, that are 19 years clean. A miracle. YES. But, ONE DAY CLEAN is a miracle too. One day at a time AmI. One day at a time! If that seems too long, try a few minutes. Tell yourself: "For 5 minutes I won't use." and go that five minutes. When it passes, tell yourself another 5 minutes. :ghug3
I had to do that for a while, myself. I am STILL to the point where I will tell myself I can go out and get loaded on crack cocaine tomorrow. Why? Because tomorrow never comes. It's ALWAYS today. When I wake up, it's today again. I give thanks for another day clean, pray that I stay clean today, and if I feel any urges, I tell myself I'll go out and get loaded tomorrow. And then I never go out and get loaded tomorrow.
Keep talking. Keep coming back. Whatever is in your head, write it down. It may not make much sense, but you're getting it out and that will be a relief in of itself. Ok?
I am praying for you. Praying that you find the courage to put the drugs down, get away from the heroin/cocaine friends, seek help for your addiction, and keep coming back. I want to see the day you come here and tell us the same thing I am about to say.
SUNDAY is my 90 days!!! NO drugs. No crack. No heroin. No weed. No vicodins. No darvocets. No alcohol.
AmI, you can do it!!
Just aim for that first few minutes and then that one full day! TheMostSordidSpotOnEarth
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: ParadiseOnEarth
Posts: 811
AmIanAddict...
Only my opinion, but from reading your posts, you're about as much of an addict as addicts get. The pills, the cravings, the pretty pictures of drugs in your mind...anything and everything, just a smidgen of fear in the way of taking yourself a step up to whatever it is you haven't tried yet...
You do need to stop. Do you realize you need to stop? Do you actually have a desire to get clean? Because what I keep reading is that you want MORE, not LESS. Harder, faster, stronger. You're in trouble, kiddo. Everyone's giving you the same message, and I don't know if you've registered any of it. You've got heroin addicts (me), crack addicts, pill addicts and more filling this thread, and all of us saying the same thing. Are you really hearing the message?
If you can't do it yourself, reach out for help. Just do it. Don't wait. Years could pass. Stick a sword in this beast before it grows another head.
:praying
By the way, am I the only one who's at all bothered by the descriptions that idolize each drug down to its color and other fine details, including the drool? I don't want to censor any open dialogue if it helps any human being on this planet to stop using. Still, is it just me, or is some of this way over the top talk for a recovery forum? Pills weren't even my thing, but I could barely get through reading large percentages of some of those posts, so I can't imagine what kind of triggers others might get. My apologies if no one else finds any reasons to be concerned.
Only my opinion, but from reading your posts, you're about as much of an addict as addicts get. The pills, the cravings, the pretty pictures of drugs in your mind...anything and everything, just a smidgen of fear in the way of taking yourself a step up to whatever it is you haven't tried yet...
You do need to stop. Do you realize you need to stop? Do you actually have a desire to get clean? Because what I keep reading is that you want MORE, not LESS. Harder, faster, stronger. You're in trouble, kiddo. Everyone's giving you the same message, and I don't know if you've registered any of it. You've got heroin addicts (me), crack addicts, pill addicts and more filling this thread, and all of us saying the same thing. Are you really hearing the message?
If you can't do it yourself, reach out for help. Just do it. Don't wait. Years could pass. Stick a sword in this beast before it grows another head.
:praying
By the way, am I the only one who's at all bothered by the descriptions that idolize each drug down to its color and other fine details, including the drool? I don't want to censor any open dialogue if it helps any human being on this planet to stop using. Still, is it just me, or is some of this way over the top talk for a recovery forum? Pills weren't even my thing, but I could barely get through reading large percentages of some of those posts, so I can't imagine what kind of triggers others might get. My apologies if no one else finds any reasons to be concerned.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Midland, NC
Posts: 1,266
Stepping,
I agree...there's toooo much detail and it's not necessary at all. It's a huge trigger for me as I'm sure it is for some others.
My feeling are this, if you're using, don't come on this forum and describe it down to exact details....come here when your truly ready to flush em. After you're done...describe that.
Either way....Stop the insanity!
Penny
I agree...there's toooo much detail and it's not necessary at all. It's a huge trigger for me as I'm sure it is for some others.
My feeling are this, if you're using, don't come on this forum and describe it down to exact details....come here when your truly ready to flush em. After you're done...describe that.
Either way....Stop the insanity!
Penny
Member
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Any where I'm at but mainly around Chicago
Posts: 138
guys
Can this thread really go on? Or is he joking about being an addict? First of all who in their right mind would joke about being addicted? To me that doesn't really make sense. I'm pretty sure that no one would seek out this website if they were not really addicted. It would be ludicrase. If you were not addicted to something wont you have better things to do with you time?
But he obviously needs help and thats why he is here. I don't mean to sound rude and maybe I'm not always clear but it sounds like he just needs your help.
Am I... I want to help you find a rehab near where you live, so clear out your pms so we can figure this out. You will make it and not get as far into drugs as I have. Trust me you can do it if you try and dont go any deeper in the hole.
But he obviously needs help and thats why he is here. I don't mean to sound rude and maybe I'm not always clear but it sounds like he just needs your help.
Am I... I want to help you find a rehab near where you live, so clear out your pms so we can figure this out. You will make it and not get as far into drugs as I have. Trust me you can do it if you try and dont go any deeper in the hole.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Any where I'm at but mainly around Chicago
Posts: 138
I may not be...
100% clean from everything but I can still tell when someone just needs help and you do. I would like to talk to you privatly and try to help you figure this out before you end up in a terrible situation. There are a lot of state funded rehabs that you can go to.
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