AmIanAddict...
Only my opinion, but from reading your posts, you're about as much of an addict as addicts get. The pills, the cravings, the pretty pictures of drugs in your mind...anything and everything, just a smidgen of fear in the way of taking yourself a step up to whatever it is you haven't tried yet...
You do need to stop. Do you realize you need to stop? Do you actually have a desire to get clean? Because what I keep reading is that you want MORE, not LESS. Harder, faster, stronger. You're in trouble, kiddo. Everyone's giving you the same message, and I don't know if you've registered any of it. You've got heroin addicts (me), crack addicts, pill addicts and more filling this thread, and all of us saying the same thing. Are you really hearing the message?
If you can't do it yourself, reach out for help. Just do it. Don't wait. Years could pass. Stick a sword in this beast before it grows another head.
:praying
By the way, am I the only one who's at all bothered by the descriptions that idolize each drug down to its color and other fine details, including the drool? I don't want to censor any open dialogue if it helps any human being on this planet to stop using. Still, is it just me, or is some of this way over the top talk for a recovery forum? Pills weren't even my thing, but I could barely get through reading large percentages of some of those posts, so I can't imagine what kind of triggers others might get. My apologies if no one else finds any reasons to be concerned.