i wish meds never came in my life
Member
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Any where I'm at but mainly around Chicago
Posts: 138
I totally agree with you penny
All I was saying is that I wish I would have just paid out of pocket for physical therapy I just couldn't afford it. Instead I decided to go to different doctors for different meds. My back surgery stemed from a lot of different things. The main one was when I was messed up on coke and got attackd from one of my dealers pitbulls. It took me to the ground so fast it just knocked me out.
One day I was in the bathroom getting sick and all of a sudden my back gave out but it had been bothering me for a while and I never went to the doctors for it. But then I had no choice and I had to have immediate back surgery.
The surgen after that kept giving me meds alot of time from free samples and the follow up doctor also did the same. And they didn't know they were each giving me so much and I was taking them all. Its in no way good to take multiple meds and your right. I finally got off of them.
One day I was in the bathroom getting sick and all of a sudden my back gave out but it had been bothering me for a while and I never went to the doctors for it. But then I had no choice and I had to have immediate back surgery.
The surgen after that kept giving me meds alot of time from free samples and the follow up doctor also did the same. And they didn't know they were each giving me so much and I was taking them all. Its in no way good to take multiple meds and your right. I finally got off of them.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 83
Today, I had such a bad day. I felt down for most of it. Then for no reason, around 6 pm I went on a pill binge. It was like I was a shopaholic and grabbed anything in site but instead, I pulled apart all my drawers, looked under everything, checked all my pockets and took pills. Probably 8 Vikes, Klonis, Perks, and whatever. So dumb. I don't know what got into me. Then I drank 2 beers. I felt good for 30 minutes and then back down.
Then stupidly, for some reason, I felt like I needed Percocet because I am running low. I got the call and I guess you all know what happens next, the ATM machine. I could just kick myself in the a##. That money could have gone to something else. I regret it but it's too late.
I'm so angry right now but feel low at the same time. I can't believe how fast I went to get them. My bank account is dwindling. How stupid of me. It is like I get this urge and I just don't think about it. It was like I ran out to get food as if it was my last chance to eat. Good bye to that money.
And I got burnt because they werent what I wanted but what am I going to do. Call them and say give me my money back. I wish I never made that phone call. It's my fault all of it. I don't know what I was thinking. I never did cocaine but I felt like I had to get a fix and I don't even want to think about it.
Whatever the pills are that I got suck. It was almost like I was an alcohlic and was running out so fast before they closed. I dont even know what I was thinking and why I ran out to get them. Whatever these pills are don't do anything and I feel the like lowest person on the earth.
I don't know what's wrong with me. I regret today and have a bad headache. I'm not getting withdrawals from Percs I don't know how to explain it. Thanks for reading my post and I don't even know if it made much sense.
Then stupidly, for some reason, I felt like I needed Percocet because I am running low. I got the call and I guess you all know what happens next, the ATM machine. I could just kick myself in the a##. That money could have gone to something else. I regret it but it's too late.
I'm so angry right now but feel low at the same time. I can't believe how fast I went to get them. My bank account is dwindling. How stupid of me. It is like I get this urge and I just don't think about it. It was like I ran out to get food as if it was my last chance to eat. Good bye to that money.
And I got burnt because they werent what I wanted but what am I going to do. Call them and say give me my money back. I wish I never made that phone call. It's my fault all of it. I don't know what I was thinking. I never did cocaine but I felt like I had to get a fix and I don't even want to think about it.
Whatever the pills are that I got suck. It was almost like I was an alcohlic and was running out so fast before they closed. I dont even know what I was thinking and why I ran out to get them. Whatever these pills are don't do anything and I feel the like lowest person on the earth.
I don't know what's wrong with me. I regret today and have a bad headache. I'm not getting withdrawals from Percs I don't know how to explain it. Thanks for reading my post and I don't even know if it made much sense.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 83
I want to stop so badly. I can't. They are stupid little capsules or tablets. I don't know how or why or how stupid it sounds. I really think I am a drug addict. I hate typing that or even saying it. I just have this urge to go out and get more. I have such a bad heacahce and feel dizzy. I feel like I'm going to have a mental breakdown if I don't get Perks tomorrow or right now. I dont want to be addicted to pills but I don't know how or where to start or even what to do.. I just hate it and nothing is stopping this eheadache. I just want it to go away.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: CA Native
Posts: 2,509
Yeah, that 'breakdown' ... I'm sure we all of us only WISH we could say 'we don't know what you're talking about'. It's called dependency, withdrawals, being dopesick ...
And once you start experiencing these symptoms, they will keep you chained up like this forever ... unless you quit and get some clean time behind you. It will NEVER go away as long as you keep using, rather, it will get worse, and your life will get worse, and you'll begin to lose everything that's important to you. Happens practically without fail, I'm afraid.
There's lots of good places to start ... asking real people in the real world ... family, parents, good friends ... to help you ... that is a very good place to start. Beginning to attend NA or AA meetings is also a very good place to start. Losing your dealers numbers ain't a bad start either. I could go on and on really, but before I do ... how serious are you, really, about getting clean?
And once you start experiencing these symptoms, they will keep you chained up like this forever ... unless you quit and get some clean time behind you. It will NEVER go away as long as you keep using, rather, it will get worse, and your life will get worse, and you'll begin to lose everything that's important to you. Happens practically without fail, I'm afraid.
There's lots of good places to start ... asking real people in the real world ... family, parents, good friends ... to help you ... that is a very good place to start. Beginning to attend NA or AA meetings is also a very good place to start. Losing your dealers numbers ain't a bad start either. I could go on and on really, but before I do ... how serious are you, really, about getting clean?
Some French tart....
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Courville-sur-Eure. France.
Posts: 239
You're in a bad way hun. A real bad way and you know it. The more you take pills, the less they will work. Things can get worse - you can end up in jail, or worse, you can die.
Think, Sweetie, THINK for goodness sake. You wrote on here, that's a start, but if you don't do something about it, then it's not worth it. Today's Sunday so it's not the best day to find a docter BUT you can go to the hospital and get help. They won't abandon you, even in a lost town in France you can go to the hospital. It'll take just a phonecall. You'll be looked after. Is anyone with you right now? I'll send you a PM with my phone number. Call me if you want and I'll ring you back. Get help TODAY.I'll help you if you'll let me. The bottom line is that you've got to make a decision, only you can do that. We can help, but only you can decide. Give yourself the power to get better.
Thinking of you, and hoping you'll decide, I remain,
your friend,
Tish xxx
Think, Sweetie, THINK for goodness sake. You wrote on here, that's a start, but if you don't do something about it, then it's not worth it. Today's Sunday so it's not the best day to find a docter BUT you can go to the hospital and get help. They won't abandon you, even in a lost town in France you can go to the hospital. It'll take just a phonecall. You'll be looked after. Is anyone with you right now? I'll send you a PM with my phone number. Call me if you want and I'll ring you back. Get help TODAY.I'll help you if you'll let me. The bottom line is that you've got to make a decision, only you can do that. We can help, but only you can decide. Give yourself the power to get better.
Thinking of you, and hoping you'll decide, I remain,
your friend,
Tish xxx
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 83
i want to go to california someday ive been to europe and france i forgot the name of thjep place but it was so pretty. when i was on the plain i told the stueartist (SP) that i had a headache and she gave me a box with pills and the guy next to me said that they were like percocets. how come thye hand those out in spain or on spanish airlines so freely i wish i was there right now
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Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Any where I'm at but mainly around Chicago
Posts: 138
amIanaddict
You keep mentioning cocaine like its a fix all drug. Adding one more drug into the mix only means one more addiction. If you want to try it then by all means do so. But if you read a lot of the posts on this site you'll see that it hasn't worked out for most people here and you'll be making a lot more visits to the ATM.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 83
Hi Lucy. I wanted to send you an email but I'm not sure how. Can someone or you email me on here. I messed up so much today and did 3 lines of OC. I feel numb right now. I dont want to come down from this but I dont know. I feel so secure right now, like everything is ok. I never thought I would be this type of person. I am so glad I found this forum because I like it. Take care peace and stay safe.
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Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Any where I'm at but mainly around Chicago
Posts: 138
Are you ok
AmI... If your not you should go see a doctor but not the ones giving you scripts. I don't really have a right to post advice on this site but it seems like you need help. Please e-mail me ASAP and let me know how your doing.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Any where I'm at but mainly around Chicago
Posts: 138
forget that last messege
You should go to the hospital. I care and I'm sure so many other people do. If you end up over dosing alone and no one is there to help you will die.
Life is sooooo hard and I hate it most of the time. But don't do anymore meds tonight and don't try coke; it will only dig you deeper into this problem. I'm afraid for you. Please just don't do it.
Life is sooooo hard and I hate it most of the time. But don't do anymore meds tonight and don't try coke; it will only dig you deeper into this problem. I'm afraid for you. Please just don't do it.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 83
Hi IamLucy and everyone. I am in a wierd situation right now. Anyways, I did 3 lines of OC today about 6. I was going to do another one but things didn't go as planned so I didn't.
The thing is, I had 2 of them and only used one. I have a 40-OC. If I were an addict wouldn't I have already crushed it up and used it? It is in my cigarette box, but it moved from my cigarette box to my night stand drawer now its on my couch.
I have this awful urge to cut it up and do it but something is stopping me. As dumb as this sounds, I don't know how to take the stuff off of it. I know how to crush it up and I'm not asking for any advice on that or anything like that.
I touched it, looked at it and keep thinking that I don't want to do it but I do want to do it. I am trying to resist the urge so bad. It's so late at 11:30. I feel secure just having it but it is almost like it is moving closer to me and I feel like I'm going to do it and I don't want to but it is just on the couch now. I wish I could take something to knock me out to sleep so I will stop thinking about it.
I'm not getting any addiction signs or withdrawal signs like I was this morning but that pill is just there on the couch and I want it so bad.
The thing is, I had 2 of them and only used one. I have a 40-OC. If I were an addict wouldn't I have already crushed it up and used it? It is in my cigarette box, but it moved from my cigarette box to my night stand drawer now its on my couch.
I have this awful urge to cut it up and do it but something is stopping me. As dumb as this sounds, I don't know how to take the stuff off of it. I know how to crush it up and I'm not asking for any advice on that or anything like that.
I touched it, looked at it and keep thinking that I don't want to do it but I do want to do it. I am trying to resist the urge so bad. It's so late at 11:30. I feel secure just having it but it is almost like it is moving closer to me and I feel like I'm going to do it and I don't want to but it is just on the couch now. I wish I could take something to knock me out to sleep so I will stop thinking about it.
I'm not getting any addiction signs or withdrawal signs like I was this morning but that pill is just there on the couch and I want it so bad.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 83
Sorry for all the post. I am just a failure.
I am doing the pill in a little. I tried so hard not to do the second one. I have these feelings that won't go away unless I do it. I don't know sorry if I am p----ng anyone off i dont want to but I just gave in to my cravings im so stupid I could just I dont know what I could do. I wish I never had this pill. Does it make sense that I don't want to do it but at the same time I'm do ??????????????????????????????????????
Sorry again for all the post. I did so good from not doing an OC from 6 and now its 12 and the urge won't stop. I feel l ike I have no power over it. I wouldn't be able to sleep thinking about the pill all nigiht okay im done sorry
I am doing the pill in a little. I tried so hard not to do the second one. I have these feelings that won't go away unless I do it. I don't know sorry if I am p----ng anyone off i dont want to but I just gave in to my cravings im so stupid I could just I dont know what I could do. I wish I never had this pill. Does it make sense that I don't want to do it but at the same time I'm do ??????????????????????????????????????
Sorry again for all the post. I did so good from not doing an OC from 6 and now its 12 and the urge won't stop. I feel l ike I have no power over it. I wouldn't be able to sleep thinking about the pill all nigiht okay im done sorry
Member
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Any where I'm at but mainly around Chicago
Posts: 138
Your not making anyone mad
We are all addicts here. I did just send you a message. Everyone is here to help. I really don't think you'll flush the last pill but if you do your awsome, if not just try as hard as you can not to buy anymore.
Everyone here is in no way going to judge you so keep posting and let us know how your doing.
Everyone here is in no way going to judge you so keep posting and let us know how your doing.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: NW Ohio
Posts: 164
You are not stupid, you are ill. You have a disease. And someone once told me that I can "choose" NOT to use. In my experience, I was unable to get clean and sober on my own and needed help. I hope you will also get some help.
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