Lyoness

I haven't been on SR for over a year but check in periodically. Now I find I need to ask for help.

I have been on methadone for about a year at 50mg per day. It is for both opiate addiction and chronic pain. It has been very helpful and my choice would be to continue it.

Unfortunately my "doctor" got angry at me and is punishing me, literally. She threw me out of her practice (because I am depressed and anxious and she doesn't want to dirty her hands dealing with that anymore) and left me to go cold turkey from the Ativan I take for panic attacks/anxiety. I will be out of methadone in a week and she's leaving me to go cold turkey from that too. I had no idea she was a sadistic, punishing B**** but now I find out the hideously painful way.

I don't know what to do. The pharmacist said cold turkey can actually kill you with methadone and everyone I've spoken with or read their story says getting off methadone is the hardest opiate to go off of. You're supposed to slowly decrease. Well, my "doctor'' took that option away. (How can anyone be so sick and cruel? I am thinking of filing charges against her--if I survive!)

So please, help. Any ideas? I am housesitting right now and being deathly ill or going to hospital are not possible though they might have to be. I don't know what to do. I cannot believe anyone who took the Hippocratic Oath can be so evil and get away with it.

Thank you for any advice.

ETA--I am under severe stress right now. I will be homeless in a month, am housebound from the anxiety/panic/terror and have no one to help me in the real world. More stresses than that, as well. Life is really, really ugly right now.

Lyoness

Well, I just called the pharmacist who again said it could kill me. She suggested ER or Urgent Care which I called. ER said if the doctors feel like it they might rx me medicine until I can find a doctor. That didn't sound very hopeful.

That's another question, how does one find a doctor, especially to rx reviled medications? And having been, illegally, immorally, unfairly thrown out of former "doctor's" practice?

Nearest methadone clinic is two hours away, not an option.

Thanks for any ideas.

Justincredible

When I cold turkey'd from methadone 9 months ago I ended up in th er after about a week of suffering. The kind dr there put me on a lesser opiate to taper off of for a month which i picked up daily from a pharmacy. About a month later I came off everything much smoother but it was all very challenging but possible. SR and all the helpful people here supported me so much and continue to. Try find an understanding DR and just be 100% honest with them and stick around here. You can do it!

Lyoness

Thanks. There's so much controversy about methadone and I live in a state that is getting very intense about not even allowing pain patients to have any meds so it's frightening. It's a good reminder, I will be honest with a doctor but I don't even know how to find one. I'm also dealing with constant panic attacks so not thinking very clearly unfortunately. But I appreciate your support and advice and am grateful you were able to get through it.

I'd like to ask about your experience. Did you have terrible w/d's on the substitute medicine? I'm supposed to be looking for housing and I'm already withdrawing from the benzo, so I'm wondering how long I'll be out of it.

Thanks!

Dee74

I'm sorry to hear all this lyoness. I have no solutions but I'm wishing you the best. Keep posting here for support

D

Lyoness

Thanks Dee, I appreciate that. Life is so rough right now, I don't know how I am going to survive.

Dee74

I have faith you will Lyonness - but you have my thoughts, best wishes and prayers anyway

D

Lyoness

Thanks again Dee, that means a lot!

If anyone can share their stories about coming off methadone, too, I would appreciate hearing them. Like I said, it's not what I want but the choice has been yanked out of my hands. Life has been still very rough but the methadone has provided some stability along with counseling.

Marcus

Hey Lyoness great to see you back. Sorry for the unfortunate circumstances. My experience (not medical advice) is tapering is best and not as horrible as I expected. Now I know you said you only have 6 or 7 days worth left. Well geez don't want this to turn into medical advice, but me personally if I knew I was not going to get any more I would try to work with that / make it last, but of course trying to find another doctor that will work with you is your best option.

Since LEGALLY the only way you will get more is A. - going to a clinic OR B. finding another doctor. A Clinic - (best option in my opinion), but like you said it is 2 hours away. Maybe there is one closer that you don't know about. Here is the clinic locator that is run by SAMHSA which is a government agency within the Department of Health and Human Services that regulates Methadone Clinics. It has the most up to date info. Most clinics have a book directory, but I always found those to be out of date or the clinics listed do not have MMT.

OTP Directory

B. Finding a doctor. That can be tricky with methadone - at least where I live. Like Justincredible said many doctors might switch you over to a shorter half-life medication and taper you that way, but you would have to call around.

Another option might be to try to get into a detox. Many hospitals / behavioral health hospitals have them. If you do have to go to the ER try to do it at a hospital that offers detox. They will often transfer you directly into the detox unit from the ER (or you could just try to get into detox directly which would be cheaper in the long run). I know you said that is not an option, but I wouldn't close the door on it.

For me when I knew I was going to have to kick an opiate best thing was to try not to obsess over it. I know easier said than done, but my thinking made it much worse than it actually was (and no it was not fun). When I catch my mind going into a dark place I need to distract myself or cut it off as best I can. That kind of thinking does me no good. I have known plenty of people that have come off pretty high doses of methadone. It is going to take a while to feel like yourself again no doubt, but I usually find people are stronger than they think when it comes down to it. Don't be afraid to reach out for help if you need it.

Take Care!!!

Lyoness

Hi Marcus, good to see you too! And thank you SO much for your reply. YOu have a lot of good advice there.

One of my worst challenges is my obsessive mind and thinking. The lorazepam I was prescribed helped some with that. Having to go off that cold turkey, too, well to say my mind is a hurricane is to put it lightly.

I have so much other stuff going on right now, too, that I didn't write much about. I'm supposed to be finding housing, double staph infection that abscessed, and so, so much more. My mind just cannot stop and I feel like I am right back in my childhood abuse with the cult that tortured me. I have people in positions of power messing with and lying about and to me right now, too. It's really ugly.

So you and everyone reaching out means that much more because I am alone with my insanity! I would really like to be able to stay on the methadone because honestly I don't feel at all stable and that gives me some. I'm not ready for the even worse depression and anxiety that I will have going off it cold turkey. I imagine my head will explode actually because there's not much more room left in the depression, anxiety, insanity dept. I'm already at the edge looking over into the abyss.

I will check out that locater. I also still have my counselor but she's one of those overworked underpaid people and just doesn't really have time to help me. Because I have been, we're not allowed to say it, but the worst depressed there is, the police, yes the police, have been calling to check that I'm still alive. How they found out how I was feeling.... Anyway, this one officer said she would also try to help me find a doctor. (Surreal, beyond. It's like your avatar, Marcus.) I don't know if she can but at least that is another person trying, I hope.

I realize I'm rambling so I'll stop. Just thank you so much Marcus and it is so good to hear from you and others here. I have missed it, just haven't had much positive to say so haven't posted.

ETA: I checked the directory and there is no closer than the one that's a two hour round trip. I did tell them my situation and ask would it be possible to not have to come in every day since I've already been on methadone for a year but they said I'd have to come in in person. When our heatwave is over (110 today) I will check them out even though it's not a daily option. Thanks for that link, Marcus.

Lyoness

Well, I am doing as Marcus suggested and trying to take less though I don't think I'll be able to go down to zero, just not enough time. But that was good advice. I did talk to an office with a Nurse Practitioner that said she might be willing to rx methadone. I would by out by the time of our appt. but I'm going to try to stretch out what I have left.

My addictions counselor also gave me a couple of places to try. So fingers crossed.

Dee74

crossed for ya

D

peanut44

I'm so sorry you are having such problems. I did come off of methadone and I tapered for months. It was still the hardest thing I've ever done. I had a doctor helping me but when it was time to quit that was it.

I made it a few days and started pmsing. Then it started in earnest. Looking back, I should've went to the er. I was suicidal. I had it all planned out. I was absolutely miserable and it lasted for weeks.

Not trying to scare you. Methadone is a powerful opiate, good for pain but still a powerful addictive opiate.

After a week I called my doctor and told him something had to be done. I couldn't take it anymore. He prescribed me tenex for blood pressure and ativan. I think I had ambiem. I ate 1 small meal every day and the only thing that felt good was a hot bath.

Find a detox center or an addiction specialist and have them guide you to someone who will help. Suboxone would also help you greatly but it doesn't sound like you have any prescribing doctors nearby.

Let me know how it goes. I'll be thinking of you!

Lyoness

Thanks peanut! I am sorry you went through such a rough time. I have heard repeatedly about people becoming suicidal when going off methadone, I think it's a real problem but don't know if it's being taken seriously like it should. Even on the methadone my depression is out of control, but without my anti-anxiety med, I've been a real mess.

I had asthma attack yesterday and went to ER, they helped me breathe again and I realized that the panic had been compromising my breathing long before the actual "attacks" (we have two wildfires raging in area and wind is blowing and trapping them in). Now that I can breathe again I'm actually grateful for the asthma because treating it might help my panic.

I truly hope to find a doc who will rx methadone or short of that help me taper properly. But it sounds like you tapered properly and still had a rough time. How long do you think it took you to feel really right after going off the methadone?

I'd prefer not to do suboxone because I did that before the methadone and found that it was causing depression or adding to it. Things changed for the better after I got off it. But my depression is lifelong so I still haven't found much of a solution, just piecemeal.

Editing to add: I forgot what it was like to have people reach out and help me and care. It feels amazing. Thank you everyone so much!

peanut44

Honestly, it took about 3 weeks. And it was something different everyday. Rls, this weird thick saliva in my mouth (that only lasted 1 day), diarrhea every day and even my sweat was gross. The ativan helped immeasurably and so did the blood pressure meds. I also hear a lot about clonodine because it is helpful with anxiety, slows the metabolism so less tummy upsets, helps with sleep. Just be careful with it. If you can find a doc that will rx you methadone, do a long, long taper and i mean down to 1mg and then even skip days. That's the one thing i didn't do and i think that might have helped me. I'm currently 7 days off of subs and it's not that bad. A cake walk compared to methadone.
Good luck. Let me know what you end up doing!

GS123

Best of Luck Lyoness. I truly empathize with your situation and i know things will get better as you taper, one problem at a time, small steps can make a big difference. I am mainly posting because I know some people that have been hospitalized without money/insurance through a charity care program run by the hospitals, in my state every hospital has to provide a certain amount of charity care to people who can't pay. It may be worth calling around to hospitals and asking about that, worth a shot, in any case you have many people here that are pulling for you and really wish you the best in this very difficult time.

Lyoness

Thanks for telling me how it was for you, does NOT sound pleasant, especially the diarrhea. Due to the anxiety, heat wave here and infection I've already lost ten pounds which I am okay with but another ten would be BAD! So I'd really, really like to avoid the diarrhea bit if I could. And the rls! I have Fibro and rls just loves to hitch a ride on it.

I really appreciate the advice on tapering, too. I'm still crossing fingers to find a provider who will rx but all of this has made me wonder when will I go off? If I can find a provider, how long should I stay on? I am just really afraid that if I go off I'll be even more messed up than I am now and that I'll go back to using, find heroin for the first time. But I just don't know. I'd like to work with someone who could help more sort those questions out. But S-L-O-W taper, if possible, I will definitely remember that!

That is terrific that you're doing well going off the suboxone! I think you have a thread about that. I've been too wound up in my own chaos to read much but I'll go check it to see how that's going. I really hope it continues to be a successful and easy road!

Lyoness

Thank you so much for the kind words and support, they mean so much! I do have some coverage but I don't know if there are any detox places around here. Guess I'd better start calling around and find out!

Lyoness

What's driving me nuts is my ex-doc said she would "cover" me til I found a new doc but she lied 14 times about refilling Ativan for me. Yes, 14 times! So my belief that she will help is the same that it's going to snow tomorrow! But that stupid, pesky voice of hope keeps whispering at me and I keep well doing this to those thoughts! Shut up and leave me alone!

My appt. with the NP is nine days away and I have just enough to make it to then, since I've lowering my dose (thanks for reminder Marcus!). I'm just hoping she'll be a practitioner I really like and want to work with and she'll want to work with me--and provide the meds I need!

GS123

Hope things are going well Lyoness, just wanted to check in and send you some good vibes