Cleanfromsubs

I started suboxone maintenance October 2012 at first it seemed like a miracle for me. In my mind I believed that I wasn't addicted to it only dependent on it. I was taking 16mg for a year and lowered myself down to 8mg for the next year and a half. I began to become very depressed sleeping all the time, not taking care of myself, just like it was when I was on the oxys. I was terrified of coming off of them because of the horror stories I read. May 6 2015 I drove myself to a rehabilitation center and admitted myself. My life was a mess at the time and I wanted to make changes to my life. I want to share my experience for those thag are afraid to come off suboxone. Three weeks before going into rehab I weaned myself down to 4mg and when I went into detox they gave me a 5 day subutex detox 16/16/8/8/4 and I jumped from that. I was inpatient for 22 days before I was discharged to IOP for 5 weeks. Days 1-5 after detox was fine, day 6 the withdrawals started setting in but they were mild. Cold sweats, leg cramps, Restless legs at night, upset stomach. Which that lasted from day 6-13. The restless legs at night was the absolute worst of it, which thag lasted for 45 days at least after. I really believe it's your mindset, yes you will be uncomfortable but if your mentally prepared to quit and your thoughts are positive it won't be as bad. Keeping busy was the best thing I could of done because when I wasn't thinking about it, it wasn't that bad! Coming off suboxone was the best thing I've done for myself in a very long time. I'm truly happy and I was happy as soon as the drug left my body. I was smiling and laughing and becoming myself again. Before rehab I was isolating myself from my family sleeping all the time (at least 12 hours a day if not more) and I wasn't living I was just existing! Today is 72 days that I've been clean and each day gets better and better! For all those that are afraid but want to quit, don't be afraid it's your addiction that's holding you back and bringing on the fear. This is my first post and hopefully I can help someone make that decision that they have been thinking of making.

Marcus

That is great to hear. Always nice to hear positive stories. Maintenance meds have their place for sure, but I think many people don't realize what they are getting themselves into. I think the times I went on Sub or Methadone I was at the end of my rope and feeling so depressed and hating life so much anything sounded better than what I was doing. They can help you get stable, but eventually for me at least I just wanted to know what it felt like to be truly clean. There are a lot of horror stories out there and I think it feeds into our fears.

That is a pretty high dose to come off of so it definitely should give people out there hope that it can be done. Change can be hard, but it also can be the most rewarding thing in life. I got off Methadone over 3 years ago and it wasn't nearly as bad as everyone told me. Like you said mindset can make all the difference.

For me addiction is rooted in my thinking and the way I process things and view my life and the outside world. In the end it wasn't the substance that was the real problem - it was me. If I can take each day as it comes and stay in the moment and cut off the negative / obsessive thinking before it gets a hold of me I can actually feel peaceful and enjoy life. Actually learn to like myself a bit and no problem is too great that using won't make worse. It takes time, but with over 3 years clean today seems to be working.

Anyway enough of my yapping. Congrats on getting off subs and moving forward. Keep up the good work!

Justincredible

Great post! It is nice to see a positive story on getting off this stuff. I agree that the maintenance meds do have their own set of problems, mainly the length of withdrawal since they are so long acting. I had a rough time getting off them and the restless legs were brutal! But, maintaining a positive mindset and trying to be busy and proactive in the battle really made the difference. Thanks for sharing!

cleaninLI

Cleanfromsubs thank you for your post! I just went down on my sub this month. So I'm finely at the point where I'm ready to get off too. I've been on since my recovery...February 2013. So it's time. Ha! But I have to credit sub for helping me with my recovery. I'm not sure I could have gotten as much clean time without it? So for me it really did give me back my life....my family and everything I had from before my addiction. But I understand what you mean about how the suboxone robs you of certain aspects of life. I do not sleep all day. I'm a mother with two young kids...so I don't have that option. But I do feel it might be keeping me isolated somewhat? I'm not sure how much is the sub and how much is just not having the money to go out and do things? Since after I got clean I was able to buy a house. But since it's been awfully tight financially. It's true that I don't feel as ambitious as I used to be to get out and apply for jobs? So that could be a side effect of the sub? I want to get off the sub now to see the difference? To experience life completely clean. In the meantime I was able to quit smoking too. ...been nicotine free since 6 months just about. So getting off the sub will be my last and final step to complete freedom from substances. Yay!

Congrats to you and thank you for sharing your story with us!

Cleanfromsubs

Thanks guys I just really wanted to encourage someone who has the desire to quit but scared of the unknown. I understand everyone is different, but as far as the power of our mind we are all the same. I've always read that 4mg was entirely too high to jump from and I was scared but after a couple weeks went by and I knew that the worst part was over, I knew I had it in me to completely recover from the physical aspect. For me mentally it was no issues at all, I felt so much better mentally once I detoxed. I'm not saying suboxone is horrible or anything like that, because I was heading down a dark dangerous path before I got on suboxone. Suboxone saved my life because I don't kmow where I would be if I didn't start the maintenance. However it wasn't exactly the best thing for me. I needed complete sobriety from all substances because I had been using mood altering substances from the age of 12-30 so really Im still trying to find myself and trying to figure out who I am. Drugs and alcohol altered me for so long I forgot who I was and what I enjoyed in life. Life is so much better sober, and everyday is a gift that Im thankful for. I lost my sense of gratitude and I'm finally getting that back. Thanks for reading my post, people in recovery are the absolute best!

cleaninLI

Yes well you did a good job of it! Really appreciate you sharing your story with us!