Originally Posted by leighqt;511531What is my part (4 column) [B

aids learning about self in the original poster point of view[/B]

Resent bf ignoring her, affects her self esteem, security, her part is not setting personal boundaries, being dishonest with both herself and him about her expectations (communication) it can then lead on to show what aspect of life present a reoccurring pattern if any, and has that in turn played a part in her drinking

Originally Posted by sparklingeyes

Here is an example of my resentments:

I feel resentful at my boyfriend because he ignores me and this affects my self esteem. My part is that I'm expecting him to care, interact with me.

Is this correct?

Originally Posted by Tommyh

here is what I did and still do with my resentments and anger

works just fine for me

anger/resentment is the number one offender
it must be rooted out and it can only be done with God`s help

it is a simple little process
there is a prayer I use-God,please have me do this work the way YOU want me to do it,please show me the truth about myself,help me to be honest,searching,through and fearless...Thank You!

we must be sure we ask God for help FIRST because anger/self etc keeps our perspective distorted!We need His Help to go thru the process and get back to HIM.

first I made a grudge list,then I transferred the names to column one


1. I list my anger-I am pissed off at my brother in law(example)-column one
After all my names was listed on my column one I then did column 2 and 3 at the same time,it was easier that way

2.I list why I am pissed-______________ -column two(do 2 & 3 before moving on to the next name)
3.then I list how it affects me-(self-esteem, our pocketbooks, our ambitions, our personal relationships, (including sex) were hurt or threatened. So we were sore. We were 'burned up.' On our grudge list we set opposite each name our injuries. Was it our self-esteem, our security, our ambitions, our personal, or sex relations, which had been interfered with?

4.After the 3 columns are complete, I pray for each name on my list,one at a time,not just lip service,but heart service.The Big Book gives me a good prayer to use,The Sick Man`s Prayer.These instructions are in the big book,chapter 5.

This was our course: We realized that the people who wronged us were perhaps spiritually sick. Though we did not like their symptoms and the way these disturbed us, they, like ourselves, were sick too.(The sick mans prayer)
We asked God to help us show them the same tolerance, pity, and patience that we would cheerfully grant a sick friend. When a person offended we said to ourselves, "This is a sick man. How can I be helpful to him? God save me from being angry. Thy will be done."

now comes the good spiritual part,I may have to pray for quite a while ,not just once,but for every name on my list,but time spent in prayer never hurt me!
(here is a good suggestion)
I need to pray the Sick Man`s Prayer untill............

(1) I can avoid retaliation or argument. We wouldn't treat sick people that way. If we do, we destroy our chance of being helpful. We cannot be helpful to all people, but at least
(2)God shows me how to take a kindly and tolerant view of each and every one....and during this prayer process I usually find my heart softing to where I want a good relationship with __________

ok,then I go to column 4 since I can see clearer and I am back into the Fellowship with the Spirit more than I was

5.Referring to our list again. Putting out of our minds the wrongs others had done, we resolutely looked for our own mistakes. Where had we been selfish, dishonest, self-seeking and frightened? Though a situation had not been entirely our fault, we tried to disregard the other person involved entirely. Where were we to blame? The inventory was ours, not the other man's. When we saw our faults we listed them. We placed them before us in black and white. We admitted our wrongs honestly and were willing to set these matters straight.

I just ask myself a few questions about each resentment and write out the answers the best I can and with God`s help I can see where self had got into my life and was killing me

here are the column 4 questions my sponsor had me answer for each resentment

1.Selfish:What did I want?

2.Dishonest:
what was the lie I told myself?
What would I not get or receive?

I thought _________________
I told myself_____________________
I pretended____________________

3.self seeking:
What did I do to get what I wanted?
How did I manuilapate?


4.frightened:
What was I afraid of?
What was the fear?(name it by name ,you`ll need it on your fear inventory next)
What might I lose or not get?


I am a alcoholic,this process works just fine,and is the AA program that will keeps giving me a daily reprieve and right relationships with God and others

A few word definations
Selfish:
only concerned with oneself or interests
Ambitions:
a consuming desire to achieve some object or purpose as to gain distinction or influence
Security:
Free from fear or danger
Self seeking:
Our actions based on our selfishness