Owning my choice
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Upstate New York
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I'm being stoic about the medical stuff. Nothing I can do except find out what it is, what the prognosis is, and what, if anything, can be done, and then decide if I want the treatment/surgery. I feel pretty removed from it except that it is going to take time and be disruptive (appointments, tests, surgeries) and this time of year there is a ton of outside work getting things buttoned up for winter. I had planned for shoulder surgery end of October. Now I may have to travel to Boston for throat surgery and deal with the nodules.Those can be done locally. Still, whatever I can't get done can wait till spring. I think I might also put off some things and take that time to ride the Super Cub through the fall colors - they're supposed to be really good this fall. I'm not going to let medical issues detract any more than they have to.I might be ready to go but I'm not ready to quit living while I'm herer.
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Join Date: May 2014
Location: Valley of the Sun, AZ
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I think that's a pretty good approach. However aggressively you care to pursue the various treatments is up to you and your doctor(s). As Dee mentions, the outcomes may be on the favorable side - I hope that is true for you. Enjoy the days ... and the nights 
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Thought I'd offer a SMART meeting that happens Mondays at 6 PM. You need to make a one time registration. (https://zoom.us/meeting/register/e64...10d14dfea9e911). You get a link in an email. Click on that just before the meeting starts. Hope to see you there.
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Medical stuff starting to get to me. Non-cardiac chest pain has me worried re. the "nodule" on my lung. Left lung collapsed 3-4 times in undergraduate school. Worried what the "nodule" could mean. My doctor is taking it pretty aggressively - that scares me.The "nodule" on my thyroid isn't as scary, though my doctor is agressive about that as well. As if that isn't enough my throat is becomming more uncomfortable and sometimes painful. Next CT scan isn't till Friday. Wish it was sooner.
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Dr. called yesterday (immediately once he got the report of the ultrasound on my thyroid). The mass found is hard and requires an urgent biopsy. Haven't gotten the call from that Dr. yet. Lung CT results won't get to my Dr. till Monday or Tuesday.
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Lung to be scanned at 12 months unless thyroid is malignant. Had the thyroid appointment - it was just a preliminary to make sure I knew the options. Going ahead with the biopsy, but it's going to take a bit to get scheduled.
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Messed up. Wife away staying with a friend who just had surgery. My shoulder, throat, gut, were all pounding with pain. I had a few drinks and got caught by her coming home unexpectedly at 10 pm. She went in and gathered a few things and left. That was Friday. Haven't heard from her since. Texted this morning to ask about her plans. No response.
To be honest - I'm not perfect and can't pretend to be. And I am so very tired just trying to make it through till I end in relative peace. Increadably weary of being under the thumb of a control freak. At this point I almost hope she has decided to go her seperate way. We should never have gotten married and making it this far - 48 years - is something of a miracle.
To be honest - I'm not perfect and can't pretend to be. And I am so very tired just trying to make it through till I end in relative peace. Increadably weary of being under the thumb of a control freak. At this point I almost hope she has decided to go her seperate way. We should never have gotten married and making it this far - 48 years - is something of a miracle.
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I am beginning to accept that I will never be able to be perfect. I drank for 50+ years. My wife drank and was into sex - UNTIL we married. Then everything changed. I've tried to buckle under, but that ain't me. I need to quit or moderate for me. Not because of her need to control me. Sometimes things (pain, my wife's domineering, etc) get to be a bit much and I rebel. I feel then that I have a right to not hurt.
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Yes - I know that, but still do it on occasion.A work in progress. Can't say I will ever be completely free, but I can continue to work on it. I have a great support group - my Monday evening SMART people, and a fantastic therapist. Still, I have to make the choice for myself and sometimes I get lost.
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Thanks Bunker. I intend to continue. Previously I would have said "continue until I beat this thing". Now I do not believe I will ever have it beaten. I will need constant vigilance, commitment, strength, and support untill I die. So I will continue, for-ev-er. Can't say I'll never have another recycle - but should it happen, I'll pick myself up, dust myself off, and continue.
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