Wholesome

Later I ate most of a pizza. No wonder why I can't lose weight even though I work out everyday lol

SDH73

Had a pretty quiet few weeks up until now. Old beastly brain says that I could probably drink like a normal person now. Just a couple of beers, you know? How will you know if you never try? You're really blowing this whole thing out of proportion. You just needed to "reset".

This is a new approach. I've NEVER wanted just a couple of beers. Even when I drank again a couple of months ago I knew full well that it was going to be a bender!

Beast is saying that I drank ONE TIME over a 6 month period, that's pretty good, no?

Hmmm, well, to the uninformed outsider that MIGHT seem pretty good, but that "one time" was 5 days of non-stop drinking to blackout. So, no. Not pretty good.

It's not a desperate pleading. Just occasional thoughts that pop up and get shut down. But I remember this is how it started before my last dance with the booze. And sure enough, sometime in my 3rd month of sobriety. Which is where I'm at now.

It says, but if you're only drinking a handful of times a year, that's not so bad. Not like it was before. That would be a real improvement. AND, you could have that improvement and still drink on occasion. It's win/win!

Silly Beast. I win, you lose.

freshstart57

This is a classic AV gambit, and you can see it in many posts about failed attempts at sobriety. There was a failure to recognize the foolishness and absurdity, and the source and nature of the thought.

You, SDH, got it, though. Mindful awareness aka AVRT can really be the key to this.

When I read about that thought about drinking like a normal person, I smile because that is AV writ large. Normal people don't drink the way we did, and the truth of the matter is that MOST PEOPLE DON'T DRINK. At all. Nada. Drinking any amount of alcohol is something that most people don't do, and normal drinking for most people is therefore total abstinence from alcohol.

Silly beasts indeed.

Soberpotamus

That's great self-awareness, SDH Congrats on three months.

I'd keep the memory of that five day blackout bender fresh on my mind when the AV comes knocking.

toadie54

SDH, bravo on recognizing what was happening, and dropping the hammer down on your beast!

JamesSquire

I know I'm reviving an old post but SDH73 hit on something I've just been thinking while reading, 'The Biology of Desire' by Marc Lewis a neuroscientist.
I know why I drink to excess but the why I can't stop has eluded me but maybe now I'm starting to understand.
IMO only, the 'BEAST' is ME when my brain is wired differently.
When I drink to excess physically it's the same me but mentally I'm different. I have used a substance to rewire my brain to forget the pain, to increase the pleasure, etc. so every time a problem comes up I reach for the only thing that I know will give me protection and comfort ... Alcohol.
NOW my big problem is how do I rewire my brain back to the days when I didn't drink. After 35 years of drinking, how hard do I think it's going to be ... Yep xxxking hard!
But I don't want to be the BEAST, I want to be ME.
So another new day dawns for me ... There's been many new days but if I don't keeping trying I'm succumbing to being the Beast forever.
I like the word 'Mental Firewall'.
, JS

freshstart57

When you are thinking about quitting but still planning to drink yessirree Bob, then 'you' and your beast are not easily separated. The thoughts of drinking and quitting stay tangled up in a knot that can't easily be sorted.

It isn't until we make that Big Plan, that considered and irrevocable commitment to never drinking again, can the two be separated. Now it is clear, that line is drawn. Any thought of drinking again, or doubt in your ability, is no longer you. It can't be you anymore because you quit drinking for good, no matter what. Any thought of drinking again is AV. Things become very clear and simple, and the degree of difficulty is now a matter of choice.

You CAN quit drinking, JamesSquire. You can do it, I know you can! Are you ready to make that plan about continuing to use alcohol?

CelticZebra

All the mindful fullness and AVRT can't work without a Big Plan. that is the only fail safe security left when all the urge-surfing, distraction or addictive thought process occurs, for me, over time. the brain can change our thinking patterns if we work hard at learning to control the addict mind.... I am currently still making progress in OWNING my brain and re-learning how to be me without reneging on my BP and coping with the occasional 'beast' outbreak and ultimately knowing that I am a non-drinker.
Whatever works, works.
I am a non-drinker, I do not drink alcohol... It's such a great freedom to say those words and KNOW they are true.
Thanks to all and continued best sober wishes for all

Driving my wagon of hope through beautiful views on my road to myself